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Ladies...I've figured it out!!

Posted by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 2:16 PM
  • 12 Replies

Spent some time with bd this weekend, and we talked about why he up and decided to not be around any more (we've been broken up for 7 months, but he was still watching ds every day up until a month ago)....and we talked about why he doesn't take the opportunities he has to see ds...apparently now that ds is more attached to me and not bd, he says he can see that him leaving has affected ds (duh!) and every time bd leaves ds flips out and bd says its easier to stay away. He just distracts himself with whatever and whoever....but when he's around ds he feels like a pos....he said he's convinced ds will have less crying fits if he's just not around at all.....I said yea so because ds is having a hard time adjusting to you not being here, its best you don't come around at all so he eventually just won't remember who you are? Great idea! Smh...I'm not sure how much of this is really true, but I do believe that he feels like a pos when he's around, because him and ds used to be really close and now it takes a while for ds to warm up to him...I'm just not so sure on if he really thinks its better for ds, for him not to come around, or if its just easier for bd so he isn't reminded of the fact that what he does affected his child negatively.....either way....it makes a lot more sense to me now! lol

It makes me wonder if a lot of dead beat dads feel the same way...like they stay away because its easier than feeling guilty, kwim?

tattoobriefcasebaby in sling

A tattooed, working, mom since 12/12/10 :D

by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 2:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ame4c
by Silver Member on Apr. 16, 2012 at 2:37 PM
1 mom liked this

 I'm sure it is, but they need to grow up and be men and the father's they are supposed to be.  Staying away because you feel guilty only hurts your kids and how selfish is that?

SinceresMomma
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 2:42 PM
I agree, that's not a valid reason to stay away from your child. If he's continues to be involved they would eventually get that bond back


Quoting ame4c:

 I'm sure it is, but they need to grow up and be men and the father's they are supposed to be.  Staying away because you feel guilty only hurts your kids and how selfish is that?


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MeeshMom
by Platinum Member on Apr. 16, 2012 at 2:51 PM
2 moms liked this
The last part you said is exactly why lots of men stay away. They figure the kid doesn't recognize them anyway so why bother. It's a messed up excuse but these men who do that obviously don't have any positive guidance in their lives.
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sid1083
by Silver Member on Apr. 16, 2012 at 2:53 PM
1 mom liked this

Sounds like the parenting class the county mandates for custody would be a great one for your bd to attend.

photogal831
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 2:58 PM

I think guys in general are a little more self centered than women....or maybe just the one's I've met lol but yea I agree, its their way of taking the easy way out, I guess

Quoting SinceresMomma:

I agree, that's not a valid reason to stay away from your child. If he's continues to be involved they would eventually get that bond back


Quoting ame4c:

 I'm sure it is, but they need to grow up and be men and the father's they are supposed to be.  Staying away because you feel guilty only hurts your kids and how selfish is that?



photogal831
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 3:00 PM

yea, I'm actually taking that class this thursday lol he's trying and he's still around, but not as often.

Quoting sid1083:

Sounds like the parenting class the county mandates for custody would be a great one for your bd to attend.


strongerwtime
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 3:10 PM

and also..it was EASIER for them when they were with the mom because they didnt have to go "out of their way" to "be" dad...all they had to do was come home and the child was there in front of them.....when we arent together with them, many of them realize they are on their own  and "responsible" for their OWN relationship with their child and have to actually get off their butts and do something "consistently" about it or the child will not know them.  It requires of them MORE WORK....and too many of them jsut do not want to WORK for anything anyways...sooo...you end up with situations like this.  I think its selfishness still.

Quoting photogal831:

I think guys in general are a little more self centered than women....or maybe just the one's I've met lol but yea I agree, its their way of taking the easy way out, I guess

Quoting SinceresMomma:

I agree, that's not a valid reason to stay away from your child. If he's continues to be involved they would eventually get that bond back


Quoting ame4c:

 I'm sure it is, but they need to grow up and be men and the father's they are supposed to be.  Staying away because you feel guilty only hurts your kids and how selfish is that?




photogal831
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 3:13 PM

I didn't think about it this way, but that's so true....bd use to tell me all the time, "well just text me if you want some time off or need help with him (ds)" I was always like well just call or text me when you want time with ds, smh!

Quoting strongerwtime:

and also..it was EASIER for them when they were with the mom because they didnt have to go "out of their way" to "be" dad...all they had to do was come home and the child was there in front of them.....when we arent together with them, many of them realize they are on their own  and "responsible" for their OWN relationship with their child and have to actually get off their butts and do something "consistently" about it or the child will not know them.  It requires of them MORE WORK....and too many of them jsut do not want to WORK for anything anyways...sooo...you end up with situations like this.  I think its selfishness still.

Quoting photogal831:

I think guys in general are a little more self centered than women....or maybe just the one's I've met lol but yea I agree, its their way of taking the easy way out, I guess

Quoting SinceresMomma:

I agree, that's not a valid reason to stay away from your child. If he's continues to be involved they would eventually get that bond back


Quoting ame4c:

 I'm sure it is, but they need to grow up and be men and the father's they are supposed to be.  Staying away because you feel guilty only hurts your kids and how selfish is that?





strongerwtime
by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 1:33 PM

lmbo EXACTLY!!!

Quoting photogal831:

I didn't think about it this way, but that's so true....bd use to tell me all the time, "well just text me if you want some time off or need help with him (ds)" I was always like well just call or text me when you want time with ds, smh!

Quoting strongerwtime:

and also..it was EASIER for them when they were with the mom because they didnt have to go "out of their way" to "be" dad...all they had to do was come home and the child was there in front of them.....when we arent together with them, many of them realize they are on their own  and "responsible" for their OWN relationship with their child and have to actually get off their butts and do something "consistently" about it or the child will not know them.  It requires of them MORE WORK....and too many of them jsut do not want to WORK for anything anyways...sooo...you end up with situations like this.  I think its selfishness still.

Quoting photogal831:

I think guys in general are a little more self centered than women....or maybe just the one's I've met lol but yea I agree, its their way of taking the easy way out, I guess

Quoting SinceresMomma:

I agree, that's not a valid reason to stay away from your child. If he's continues to be involved they would eventually get that bond back


Quoting ame4c:

 I'm sure it is, but they need to grow up and be men and the father's they are supposed to be.  Staying away because you feel guilty only hurts your kids and how selfish is that?



 



mylilgooberpea
by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 1:38 PM

 maybe he really feels like to have a relationship with his DS he HAS to have a relationship with you to? Im just pulling at straws here, but maybe thats one of the DEEP down thoughts thats causing all of this? Most men cant handle LOs for very long.... not until they are 5 and can do things that the men are interested in too. Most arnt bad fathers and are actually very involved and LOVE the baby stage, But most men Ive talked to have mentioned the 5 years thing.

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