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I need to toughen up my boy (sorry long)

Posted by on Apr. 23, 2012 at 10:56 PM
  • 33 Replies
Before you comment please read all the way through. I work full time and am working on my bachelors degree and we live on our own. I have no help. I love my son to death but he's having some behavioral issues that I'm sure many other moms have dealt with.

My son throws so many tantrums. At almost 5 yrs old I need to nip this in the bud. He cries and gets hysterical to the point he's throwing himself around the floor dragging himself and he sometimes gets injured doing this. I try to get him to stop or put him in a safe area (on carpet) but its getting to a point where I can't take it anymore. Hes also very big so i cant lift him. Hes about half my weight. Here's what I'm doin so far:

Example 1: When I worked a late day my parents picked him up from school and made him dinner at their place. When I got there to pick him up he was goofing off. He'd only ate the meat and left his noodles and broccoli (the only veggie he will eat). Then he gets up off his chair and runs across the room onto the couch with his greasy hands. He was not listening to me or my parents. My parents yell a lot so to avoid the drama I said that's it we are going home. I picked up his shoes and socks and jacket. I said lets go. If you won't eat your dinner and you disrespect gma and gpa's house you're done. He threw a fit but he followed me to the car. We went home. Showered then bed.

Example 2: Today I pick up my son after work. He was hungry so I cooked up dinner. While I was cooking he kept whining. I told him to chill. But he was doing alright. He tends to complain about the littlest things like the order things are done and whatnot. So dinner is served. He keeps tipping his chair back hitting the wall and I always tell him not to do that. He eats his noodles and plays with his fish sticks. He gets up multiple times and is starting to get crabby and snotty with me. I tell him sit and eat or you will not play and no desert. He continues this. Then he has to poop in the middle of dinner. We go back to finish his meal. He's whining about being able to eat dessert and play outside. He throws about three tantrums on the floor during this whole thing. I told him he's almost 5 and they don't allow 2 year old tantrums in kindergarten so I'm not gonna let you play and have dessert as long as you act like this. He finally eats the rest of his meal but he keeps throwing the damn tantrums! I wanna play! Waaahhh!!! So I ignore. I say let's go shower time. He gets all whiney and keeps the tantrum up. He's now In the shower playing and his attitude is better after being washed.

Anyway am I doing the right thing? I feel like I should ground him from playing if he whines on the floor and cries to get his way. I'm sick of it. No tv and no sweets either. I don't do too many sweets here anyway. I want him to learn to handle business and do his job (take shower, clean toys, go to bed) ya know a kids job without giving me a huge fit. I'm fed up! And if his dad (who has only met him twice) had to deal with this you bet your ass he'd be calling me to take the kid back.

I love my son with all my heart. I want him to grow to be a cooperative and respectful man. The only male influence he's had was my dad who tends to scream at all of us if we don't agree with him or if he doesn't like something. So I'm working on this. It's tough! And I know it's important for him to play but if he mouths off then too bad. He plays all day at school. I'm gonna stick to my guns. I hate being the "bad guy." Oh mother.
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by on Apr. 23, 2012 at 10:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
happymommy1105
by Gold Member on Apr. 23, 2012 at 11:05 PM
I am.having the same.problems. almost exactly

I am.having my son tested. It has gotten worse not better. No matter what I do. The outcome doesn't change.
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MamasaurusPrime
by on Apr. 23, 2012 at 11:07 PM

You know what? I'm having the SAME issues with DS. I am with him for 90% of my week. He goes to my parents' house in the country on the weekends, but holy shit, can this kid shriek. He will scream bloody murder, and have meltdowns if, say, his sandwich is squished in his lunch box. We have a program here in Winnipeg called Triple P, positive parenting. The pediatrician recommended I get this book called 1,2,3 Magic but I don't wanna be a "by the book" parent. I do what works for him.

The #1 thing I've learned is CONSISTENCY, whatever you choose to do with him, you need to always be doing it over and over again. For me, I have to consistently talk to my son, to minimize punishments. The only time I give punishment is if he hurts ME or anyone else around him. Sometimes he will kick, hit, slap, punch me, spit on me, etc. And I'm like HELL NO, SON!!!

Is there any chance that he's been triggered to behave that way? A show he watched? Seeing a friend act like that?

Ngi ne themba - I have hope.

ProudMamma1982
by on Apr. 23, 2012 at 11:08 PM
Is he autistic?
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MeeshMom
by Platinum Member on Apr. 23, 2012 at 11:08 PM
It's the consistency I've had trouble with. He's all happy now. I have always been told be firm and consistent. No lenience. Rules are rules. That's how my house was growing up. I never acted like this. Except I was afraid of getting spanked with a belt. I want my son to learn there are gonna be consequences for his behavior and I have to follow through even if I'm popped out. I guess I'm also toughening myself up. I don't believe in drugging my kid for add and stuff like that tho so we won't be doing testing.

Quoting happymommy1105:

I am.having the same.problems. almost exactly



I am.having my son tested. It has gotten worse not better. No matter what I do. The outcome doesn't change.
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happymommy1105
by Gold Member on Apr. 23, 2012 at 11:13 PM
I'm.not drugging my kid but thanks for jumping to that conclusion.

I am.getting some definite answers. I want to know where we stand.

I have been battling this for over 3 years. It has gotten to me as much as him.

Something is wrong. We have been to behavior.therapy. we have been in karate. We have done sports. We have been consistent. We have tried different displince methods.

I'm at my wits end. The school is at its wits end.


Quoting MeeshMom:

It's the consistency I've had trouble with. He's all happy now. I have always been told be firm and consistent. No lenience. Rules are rules. That's how my house was growing up. I never acted like this. Except I was afraid of getting spanked with a belt. I want my son to learn there are gonna be consequences for his behavior and I have to follow through even if I'm popped out. I guess I'm also toughening myself up. I don't believe in drugging my kid for add and stuff like that tho so we won't be doing testing.



Quoting happymommy1105:

I am.having the same.problems. almost exactly





I am.having my son tested. It has gotten worse not better. No matter what I do. The outcome doesn't change.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MeeshMom
by Platinum Member on Apr. 23, 2012 at 11:13 PM
Well in my post I mentioned my dad acts like this. That's his only male figure which sucks. I don't let him watch many PG shows. We do mostly G rated. I think part of the problem is we lived with my parents till last summer and they constantly interfered with my parenting and I spoiled him too much. And you know what he gets mad if his food is squished or something like that. He is pretty particular about things. I want to feed him the right types of influence that can help him use his personality for positive things. He will focus really hard on whatever he's doing and completely ignore me (like if he's running but I'm telling him get out of the street). He is very stubborn at times. But he's so smart so I feel like I gotta do something to turn this around in a positive way.

Quoting MamasaurusPrime:

You know what? I'm having the SAME issues with DS. I am with him for 90% of my week. He goes to my parents' house in the country on the weekends, but holy shit, can this kid shriek. He will scream bloody murder, and have meltdowns if, say, his sandwich is squished in his lunch box. We have a program here in Winnipeg called Triple P, positive parenting. The pediatrician recommended I get this book called 1,2,3 Magic but I don't wanna be a "by the book" parent. I do what works for him.

The #1 thing I've learned is CONSISTENCY, whatever you choose to do with him, you need to always be doing it over and over again. For me, I have to consistently talk to my son, to minimize punishments. The only time I give punishment is if he hurts ME or anyone else around him. Sometimes he will kick, hit, slap, punch me, spit on me, etc. And I'm like HELL NO, SON!!!

Is there any chance that he's been triggered to behave that way? A show he watched? Seeing a friend act like that?

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Chanel5nyc
by Shanell on Apr. 23, 2012 at 11:14 PM
I'm having the same problems with my dd. My mom said that I have to be consistent with punishment, spend more alone time with her and when she start kindergarten she will tone down.
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MicahBoo07
by Bronze Member on Apr. 23, 2012 at 11:14 PM
2 moms liked this

 sounds like he just wants time with u and wants u to pay attention to him more. Maybe u could set a side time before bed or after shower time to do something with him like take a walk and talk about his day at school and ur day at work, or go to the park with him and watch him play, or play a game at home, or something together so he feels he is wanted. My son just turned 5 and when I ask him to do something he grunts but he does it. I just ask him why he is grunting while he does what I ask and he tells me because I don't do anything with him so now that its nicer out we go to the park or outside to play so we have that quality time together. I make him feel wanted and give him hugs and kisses. I have a little saying I tell him every night before he goes to sleep and that helps him know I care about him. When I don't say it to him he will come up to me and say it to me and its such a sweet thing to know ur child remembers what u say to them and they love it. Make up secrets just between u two and so he can have something with u always. Kids are smart and love attention parents just need to know how to give it in the right way.  

MeeshMom
by Platinum Member on Apr. 23, 2012 at 11:16 PM
I didn't say you were drugging your kid. Medication is drugs. I just mentioned that I wasn't going to go that route with my kid. Wasn't meant to be offensive. I also don't knock parents who choose to medicate. Every kid is different. I don't blame you for going to get an opinion. I have struggled with th consistency so I'm giving this a strong go. I want to try sports too but sounds like your kid is a bit older than mine so you've been dealing with this a bit longer than me.

Quoting happymommy1105:

I'm.not drugging my kid but thanks for jumping to that conclusion.



I am.getting some definite answers. I want to know where we stand.



I have been battling this for over 3 years. It has gotten to me as much as him.



Something is wrong. We have been to behavior.therapy. we have been in karate. We have done sports. We have been consistent. We have tried different displince methods.



I'm at my wits end. The school is at its wits end.




Quoting MeeshMom:

It's the consistency I've had trouble with. He's all happy now. I have always been told be firm and consistent. No lenience. Rules are rules. That's how my house was growing up. I never acted like this. Except I was afraid of getting spanked with a belt. I want my son to learn there are gonna be consequences for his behavior and I have to follow through even if I'm popped out. I guess I'm also toughening myself up. I don't believe in drugging my kid for add and stuff like that tho so we won't be doing testing.





Quoting happymommy1105:

I am.having the same.problems. almost exactly







I am.having my son tested. It has gotten worse not better. No matter what I do. The outcome doesn't change.
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happymommy1105
by Gold Member on Apr. 23, 2012 at 11:19 PM
Again, I have never mentioned medication.

I said I was getting him tested. Tested does not.mean drugs or medication. It means a clear understanding of where we stand so that we can make a plan to move forward.

It means that we will make a plan as a team to get my son in the best possible.place so that he can succeed in life.

Again, I still have not.mentioned medicating anybody.


Quoting MeeshMom:

I didn't say you were drugging your kid. Medication is drugs. I just mentioned that I wasn't going to go that route with my kid. Wasn't meant to be offensive. I also don't knock parents who choose to medicate. Every kid is different. I don't blame you for going to get an opinion. I have struggled with th consistency so I'm giving this a strong go. I want to try sports too but sounds like your kid is a bit older than mine so you've been dealing with this a bit longer than me.



Quoting happymommy1105:

I'm.not drugging my kid but thanks for jumping to that conclusion.





I am.getting some definite answers. I want to know where we stand.





I have been battling this for over 3 years. It has gotten to me as much as him.





Something is wrong. We have been to behavior.therapy. we have been in karate. We have done sports. We have been consistent. We have tried different displince methods.





I'm at my wits end. The school is at its wits end.






Quoting MeeshMom:

It's the consistency I've had trouble with. He's all happy now. I have always been told be firm and consistent. No lenience. Rules are rules. That's how my house was growing up. I never acted like this. Except I was afraid of getting spanked with a belt. I want my son to learn there are gonna be consequences for his behavior and I have to follow through even if I'm popped out. I guess I'm also toughening myself up. I don't believe in drugging my kid for add and stuff like that tho so we won't be doing testing.







Quoting happymommy1105:

I am.having the same.problems. almost exactly









I am.having my son tested. It has gotten worse not better. No matter what I do. The outcome doesn't change.
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