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How would you handle YOUR 4 year old?

Posted by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 4:47 PM
  • 33 Replies

DD has been hell lately. That is the best way I can put it. I live with my grandma because she needs help with keeping up with her home and I need a baby sitter when I work because I work 13 and 14 hour shifts 7 days on and 7 days off with no breaks. My gma video recorded DD a few days in a row and showed me what she is doing. Because DD eats at school in the morning she doesnt eat breakfast at home, well DD was hungry and my gma was giving her some crackers that DD likes a lot and dd took them then THREW them on the counter and told her "I don't want that I want oatmeal and I want you to make it now!" and screamed that at her. She told her No. Which I would have done and more...so when she came home from school she wanted a snack. Ok, she wanted an apple, we were out. So gma asked her if she wanted some pretezls to hold her over and she took some and went to her room to play, came back out with them and yelled again, "Do not give me these again I hate them and I will not eat them" Then threw them on the floor and walked away. This isn't all but I don't want to make this long. I have no idea what to do. I showed DD all the recordings to find out what she thought and to explain what in the hell she thought she was doing. All she said was I don't know and left the room. I spank, and she doesn't act like that for me. My gma tries to spank but doesnt like to. She will if that happens with all the yelling at her and throwing things at her because gma tells her to go to time out and DD runs from her. She has to try and chase her down and then DD gets under the beds and laughs at her for doing it. Me I have gotten her for acting that way with me and she doesn't anymore. But she does give me a really hard time. I have told her she better not act like that anymore or she is in so much trouble. I told her kids that act like can be in trouble with the police but nothing works. My gma has sat down with her and has talked with her and it doesn't work. DD is an only child and is not around kids that act like that.....even in school. 
Problem number 2: Last one I hope. lol
DD is VERY friendly. She loves to talk to people and be nice to others outside of our house. She goes up to random guys and says Hi my name is Kaile and I'm 4 whats your name? I have told her not to and gone on about stranges and they can take her and she wont see us again and can get hurt soooooooooo many times. She cries about me telling her because I kinda go a little deep into it but then it has been not even 10mins later and she is back doing it. Someone is always out side with her and it happens soooo fast I have no idea anymore. She tells me that because they wave back to her or say hi they are nice and her friends. I don't know how much more clear I can get with her and her to listen. What would you ladies do on these 2 problems??? I need help. 

by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 4:47 PM
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5BMom
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 4:51 PM
My 4 year old is super friendly. He tells everyone his name and his life story, lol. We live in a small, safe resort town and within that, a private neighborhood, so I don't worry too much to be honest.

Not sure about the other behavior. My kids have both pulled it with me but no one else.
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KailesMommy
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 5:01 PM

How did you get your kids to respect you and not pull that behavior with you?

We don't like in a good neighborhood, we aren't that lucky and have no choice, we can't move right now. lol

Quoting 5BMom:

My 4 year old is super friendly. He tells everyone his name and his life story, lol. We live in a small, safe resort town and within that, a private neighborhood, so I don't worry too much to be honest.

Not sure about the other behavior. My kids have both pulled it with me but no one else.


Shy_Dia
by Silver Member on Apr. 27, 2012 at 5:17 PM
1 mom liked this

the being friendly- as long as its close to home, away from the road/cars, i wouldn't worry too much for it. just keep talking with her about stranger danger- see if there's some videos on youtube about it for her age.

do you have a chuck e cheese around you, or a mall play area? if she's good the whole week (i go with a whole week cuz you know she's capable of it), then she can go with grandma... but if she's not good, she losses that. ontop of that, whenever i'd come home, i'd ask Kaile how she was that day- what she did, if she listened, etc... and then i'd have a talk with grandma, and hear what she says... is grandma says that she was bad, then Kaile gets two punishments. 1) for not listening and 2) for lying to you.

the punishments depend on you... sometimes for my son- i could easily tell him how disappointed i was in him, that his behavior made me sad, etc- and he'd be so heartbroken he wont do it again... other times, i'll have to spank his butt... i also ground from the tv and video games.. ground from laeving the porch so he cant play with the other kids, but he's still outside... we dont do our 'all night fest' (stay up all night, watch movies, play games, pig out, etc... it used to be every friday, but it changed to once a month now)

5BMom
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 5:18 PM
What I do are reward cards. Good behavior gets 1 card on the bulletin board. Bad behavior get 1-3 cards taken away. When they get 20 cards, thet get a new toy of their choice (I limit it to like $10). It seems to work...they are almost 4 and 5.


Quoting KailesMommy:

How did you get your kids to respect you and not pull that behavior with you?

We don't like in a good neighborhood, we aren't that lucky and have no choice, we can't move right now. lol

Quoting 5BMom:

My 4 year old is super friendly. He tells everyone his name and his life story, lol. We live in a small, safe resort town and within that, a private neighborhood, so I don't worry too much to be honest.



Not sure about the other behavior. My kids have both pulled it with me but no one else.



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faerie75
by Ruby Member on Apr. 27, 2012 at 5:31 PM
1 mom liked this

 your gramma needs to be more firm but if she cant, then i would spank her little ass when i got home if you spank her already. gramma should take her by the hands and MAKE her clean what she threw adn put her in time out. if she runs away, then you do it and or spank her when you get home. 

im not saying that this is the right way but i told my kids about molesters when they were little. i mean EXACTLY what they do. and that they didnt ALWAYS have to be nice to adults, they could run away if they were afraid. they were deathly afraid of strangers for a long time and stayed the hell away.

KailesMommy
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 5:46 PM

Thank you soo much!!! We don't have any play areas around us other than a few churchs and you can only go in there if church is going on.  I do ask her when I get home what she did or how she was and its always a lie. I tell her that I am disapointed that she had to lie to me and that she has to treat her great gma the way she does. But maybe with what you said about the all nighters and stuff like that maybe I can draw her in with that. lol

Quoting Shy_Dia:

the being friendly- as long as its close to home, away from the road/cars, i wouldn't worry too much for it. just keep talking with her about stranger danger- see if there's some videos on youtube about it for her age.

do you have a chuck e cheese around you, or a mall play area? if she's good the whole week (i go with a whole week cuz you know she's capable of it), then she can go with grandma... but if she's not good, she losses that. ontop of that, whenever i'd come home, i'd ask Kaile how she was that day- what she did, if she listened, etc... and then i'd have a talk with grandma, and hear what she says... is grandma says that she was bad, then Kaile gets two punishments. 1) for not listening and 2) for lying to you.

the punishments depend on you... sometimes for my son- i could easily tell him how disappointed i was in him, that his behavior made me sad, etc- and he'd be so heartbroken he wont do it again... other times, i'll have to spank his butt... i also ground from the tv and video games.. ground from laeving the porch so he cant play with the other kids, but he's still outside... we dont do our 'all night fest' (stay up all night, watch movies, play games, pig out, etc... it used to be every friday, but it changed to once a month now)


KailesMommy
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 5:49 PM

Yea that may be what I'm gonna have to do. I feel sooo bad for spanking her and her getting in trouble so much. And its only because she doesn't have a dad around and I wonder if she is trying to reach out for attention. But thank you, I gotta try something and see what I can do. 

Quoting faerie75:

 your gramma needs to be more firm but if she cant, then i would spank her little ass when i got home if you spank her already. gramma should take her by the hands and MAKE her clean what she threw adn put her in time out. if she runs away, then you do it and or spank her when you get home. 

im not saying that this is the right way but i told my kids about molesters when they were little. i mean EXACTLY what they do. and that they didnt ALWAYS have to be nice to adults, they could run away if they were afraid. they were deathly afraid of strangers for a long time and stayed the hell away.


bxmom2580
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 5:53 PM
I have a 4 yr old and he dont act like that, but if he did, I would spank his behind
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tyfry7496
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 5:57 PM
My son never acted like that. I demanded respect from the beginning and I also gave him respect. He had choices. "you can have crackers or pretzels". If he tried what your daughter did he didn't get anything. I never spanked. In your case it's not working anyway.

I teach 2 yr olds that do this and their choice is have the snack or have your fit. They are put in a specific area until they calm down. They hear "take what you get and don't throw a fit." Try NOT responding to the fits. Don't yell, scream or spank. Give choices, even if it's "you can have pretzels or no snack". Ignoring the fits and removing her from the situation will change her behavior. Might take a while but it does work.

Otherwise, have her evaluated by a mental health professional and put her in behavioral therapy. Bring the taped behavior.
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Shy_Dia
by Silver Member on Apr. 27, 2012 at 8:15 PM

it doesnt even have to be at night too- if grandma wants to do it and cant stay up so late... i know at 23, i crash early sometimes! lol

you can put blankets infront of the windows, close all the doors, turn off the phones, etc. and then do a 'shut in'. grandma can sit/relax while movies are going on, plus there's always other things we do.

not sure you want a list, but our favorities: flashlight tag (you can get the small cheap flash lights from the dollar store)... bowling-- we use the old water bottles. the more water you add, the harder it is to fall. we started with nothing being in them. you can use a regular sized bouncy ball or kick ball.. or even one of those play baseball sets they sell in the stores. we put a sheet over the table, and it turns into a cave/tent (we actually just started this one-- based on my 'i may never go camping cuz i cant afford it' rant on here. lol )... make sure you put something under the table/you if you eat down there. for some reason, my son spills a whole lot more when he's UNDER the table than what he's sitting AT the table. lol

Quoting KailesMommy:

Thank you soo much!!! We don't have any play areas around us other than a few churchs and you can only go in there if church is going on.  I do ask her when I get home what she did or how she was and its always a lie. I tell her that I am disapointed that she had to lie to me and that she has to treat her great gma the way she does. But maybe with what you said about the all nighters and stuff like that maybe I can draw her in with that. lol

Quoting Shy_Dia:

the being friendly- as long as its close to home, away from the road/cars, i wouldn't worry too much for it. just keep talking with her about stranger danger- see if there's some videos on youtube about it for her age.

do you have a chuck e cheese around you, or a mall play area? if she's good the whole week (i go with a whole week cuz you know she's capable of it), then she can go with grandma... but if she's not good, she losses that. ontop of that, whenever i'd come home, i'd ask Kaile how she was that day- what she did, if she listened, etc... and then i'd have a talk with grandma, and hear what she says... is grandma says that she was bad, then Kaile gets two punishments. 1) for not listening and 2) for lying to you.

the punishments depend on you... sometimes for my son- i could easily tell him how disappointed i was in him, that his behavior made me sad, etc- and he'd be so heartbroken he wont do it again... other times, i'll have to spank his butt... i also ground from the tv and video games.. ground from laeving the porch so he cant play with the other kids, but he's still outside... we dont do our 'all night fest' (stay up all night, watch movies, play games, pig out, etc... it used to be every friday, but it changed to once a month now)



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