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Upset about the ex moving in a girlfriend

Posted by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 1:39 PM
  • 42 Replies

Hi everyone.


I am new here and honestly, just signed up because I guess I need someone to talk to. I'm having a hard time dealing with the news that my ex is moving in a new girlfriend.


I have plenty of reasons to not like my ex, and its like a constant love hate thing for me with him.. We broke up soon after I was pregnant and he basically abandoned me through out the pregnancy. We did start talking again and messing around soon after he became single again, but I guess I still had too much resentment and distrust and he also seemed to retreat after everytime it seemed we were making progress so it just wasn't going to work out...

I've caught him in mainly lies, mainly one where he says he can't see out son because he has to go out of town, to later find out he went out of town to meet some girl he's been talking to and texting.. well apparently, this girl who lives in Iowa, and that he now admits he's seen 3 times is 'the one' for him and he's moving her and her 10 year old in to his home in a few months.


I can admit part of me is upset for personal reasons, like he's choosen her over me, that I'm being replaced and its upsetting that he didn't try too hard to make things work with us and to be a family for our son but he's all for trying to move in some girl he hardly knows but then I'm also upset for the logical reason that HE HARDLY knows this girl!!


I mean, yes, I know he's been talking to her since October, and I know they talk a lot, but they've only seen each other in person 3 times. I thought it was advisable to wait until you are seriously dating someone for  6 months before you INTRODUCE your child to them, not chat on the phone for 6 months then move the girl in and her little kid too. That's another thing that has me thinking wth??? I mean this girl has a 10 year old son and she's willing to rip her own kid from all of his family, his friends, his whole life for some smooth talker she has only met in person 3 times???

What kind of mom does that? I'm not perfect but holy jesus, I would never even consider bringing a man around my kids unless we were dating a long time and talking about moving in together, and then I'd probably wait another 6 months after the kids meet him to make sure they all get along, the kids like him etc before I actually made the move. So now I'm thinking, if this woman cares so little for her own kid, his happiness, stability etc what can I expect from her in regards to my own child?

IDK.. I'm a ball full of stress, anxiety, emotions, rage, fear, jealously.. ya.. if anyone has been there, or cares ot offer any support, words of wisdom etc I'd love to have someone to talk to about this.


Thanks!

by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 1:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
faerie75
by Ruby Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 1:44 PM

 sorry about all this. but really theres nothing you can do about it. stop focusing on her and him and focus on yourself and getting over the dude.

taina361
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 1:44 PM

BUMP!

justagurl1010
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 1:48 PM



Well, that much I know I need to do.. Maybe I wasn't clear, but I was just basically admiting that yes that's part of what I'm upset about.


But the real issue, my personal feelings aside are about this strange lady he's moving in. Am I crazy or would anyone else be concerned about this woman being around their own child(ren).. That has me nervous. Not because she's his new love but because she's clearly wreckless and must not care too much for her own kid to yank him across country to shack up with a guy she's only seen in person 3 times...kwim?

PaperClip811
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 1:51 PM

is she a threat to your child? No? There's nothing you can do. The sooner you realize you can't micro manage your BD's time with his kid(s) the sooner ou will feel some stress relief!Im not saying that there arent times that my BDs behavior pisses me off-- but there's nothing I can do about him not feeding DS the way I do, or having the same rules about language/TV/video games etc..

So unless something that is going on is posing a threat to something other than your sensativities--- you kinda just have to roll with it.


m3lissa_16
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 1:55 PM

Start making time for yourself. When you realize how much better you are without him, you will get over your anger.

justagurl1010
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 2:01 PM


Quoting PaperClip811:

is she a threat to your child? No? There's nothing you can do. The sooner you realize you can't micro manage your BD's time with his kid(s) the sooner ou will feel some stress relief!Im not saying that there arent times that my BDs behavior pisses me off-- but there's nothing I can do about him not feeding DS the way I do, or having the same rules about language/TV/video games etc..

So unless something that is going on is posing a threat to something other than your sensativities--- you kinda just have to roll with it.



I hope she's not, but I don't know her, and she's apparently not the best mom to the kid she already has to make such careless, selfish and wreckless choices that effect him a great deal, so I am very concerned about how little she's going to care for my son when he's there, or if she's left to babysit him, how neglectful she will be. 

Also, there's been times my ex and I have taken our son to the Dr. and he totally ignores our son because he's too busy talking to her on the phone. Damn near got us into a car wreck because he couldn't put his precious phone down. Seriously, we were gone for 3 hours that day and he was on the phone with her the whole time minus 20 min. because she apparently had to go do something. So I'm also worried Dad will be neglecting our son because he's too obsessed with his new gf. 


owl0210
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 2:07 PM
5 moms liked this
It's completely normal to feel the way you. You are mourning the loss and the idea of him but not the person he truly is. Remember, if he treated you bad he will treat the next girl bad too. Try to focus on your own happiness and your children.
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steviechick
by Gold Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 2:17 PM

My ex left me for someone 16 years younger than he is.....got her pregant twice in just under two years.  I say good riddance to pure garbage.  When a dude (he's definately NOT a man) walks out on you for another woman you are much better off without him in your life.  Since he thought that poorly of you why worry over someone that never deserved you?   Sure it hurts to see your guy move on with someone else.  Is this woman even worth your while to question if she's not abusing your own kids?  Nope.  Let her have someone that walks out on another woman that is pregnant.  Your ex is NOT worth the fuss or the need to worry about.  Focus on you.  There's another good guy around the corner that will treat you the way you should be treated.  LIke I tell my dd, her father will end up cheating on his third wife.   Once a cheater always one.

mommynac
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 4:13 PM

Sorry this is happening. It's one of my biggest fears. Do you have a problem with the relationship, or with your child being in dad's care in general? If he's a good father otherwise, I don't think there's much you can do. I agree with pp that you should focus on getting over your ex and moving on with your life.

brieri
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 4:17 PM

 Hi and welcome to the group. 

Re-read what's in red and what is in Bold.  Hope you see a clearer picture.

Quoting justagurl1010:

Hi everyone.

 

I am new here and honestly, just signed up because I guess I need someone to talk to. I'm having a hard time dealing with the news that my ex is moving in a new girlfriend.

 

I have plenty of reasons to not like my ex, and its like a constant love hate thing for me with him.. We broke up soon after I was pregnant and he basically abandoned me through out the pregnancy. We did start talking again and messing around soon after he became single again, (MISTAKE #1) but I guess I still had too much resentment and distrust and he also seemed to retreat after everytime it seemed we were making progress so it just wasn't going to work out...(realize you have told yourself the truth)

I've caught him in mainly lies, mainly one where he says he can't see out son because he has to go out of town, to later find out he went out of town to meet some girl he's been talking to and texting.. well apparently, this girl who lives in Iowa, and that he now admits he's seen 3 times is 'the one' for him and he's moving her and her 10 year old in to his home in a few months. (Not your problem)

 

I can admit part of me is upset for personal reasons, like he's choosen her over me, that I'm being replaced and its upsetting that he didn't try too hard to make things work with us and to be a family for our son (Don't make a pity party out of yourself) but he's all for trying to move in some girl he hardly knows but then I'm also upset for the logical reason that HE HARDLY knows this girl!! (Again not your problem)

 

I mean, yes, I know he's been talking to her since October, and I know they talk a lot, but they've only seen each other in person 3 times. I thought (stop, drop and roll the "what if's" out of your mind) it was advisable to wait until you are seriously dating someone for  6 months before you INTRODUCE your child to them, not chat on the phone for 6 months then move the girl in and her little kid too. That's another thing that has me thinking wth??? I mean this girl has a 10 year old son and she's willing to rip her own kid from all of his family, his friends, his whole life for some smooth talker she has only met in person 3 times??? (Not your problem)

What kind of mom does that? I'm not perfect but holy jesus, I would never even consider bringing a man around my kids unless we were dating a long time and talking about moving in together, and then I'd probably wait another 6 months after the kids meet him to make sure they all get along, the kids like him etc before I actually made the move. (good for you - not to be offense/sacastic) So now I'm thinking, if this woman cares so little for her own kid, his happiness, stability etc what can I expect from her in regards to my own child? (Again, don't think of the "what if's").

IDK.. I'm a ball full of stress, anxiety, emotions, rage, fear, jealously. (You said it, no one else did). ya.. if anyone has been there, or cares ot offer any support, words of wisdom etc I'd love to have someone to talk to about this.

 

Thanks!

 

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