HI ladies. Im anxious, nervous, and scared for what may be a major change in our lives. I've been raising my daughter without her father involved since she was born, she is now a year and a half. I have refused to see her father because Ive been so upset about his lack of involvement during my pregnancy and our childs infancy. There has been miscomunnications, anger, and spite involved this whole time, and its been a mess.
I have come to understand that being a mom entails sacrifice, lots of it. Being a mom is more than nurturing and providing, its making extremely difficult decisions. Im going to call her father, this week, and sit down and talk to him face to face, for the first time since I told him I was pregnant. I don't know what the outcome will be, he mas as well tell me he has no desire to be involved, or he may actually want to be a father. I have heard from his mother and many of his friends he truly wishes to be involved but, for reasons ranging from immaturity, pride, and fear, he has not had the courage to call me. I am alot braver than he is. I am putting aside my pride and anger to offer my child a better life, with both her mommy and daddy involved.
I have to stop hating this man, I loved him once and the most important person in my life was created by that love. I have to learn to forgive him for abandoning us, I need to understand that he made a huge mistake, and when I see him face to face I will realize if he is truly sorry, or if he hasnt changed and he would rather go on uninvolved. Either way, it will be a weight of my shoulders. I will be able to sleep at night knowing I did everything I possibly could for my daughter to grow up a happy, healthy child. If he choses not to see her, we will be just fine, just like we've been this whole time. If he does chose to man up, our lives will change because she will have a father in her life, and I will have financial support from him, so that I may continue to both put myself through college and put more money in my daughter's savings account.
Either way, we will be just fine. I'm just so, so scared to my core. I will be devasted if he chooses not to be involved for our daughter, because I will have to explain to her one day her father did not want her. If he does want to be involved, im also terrified. How on earth am going to raise my daughter along side this man that I have not spoken to in more than two years? How will we reach a custody agreement? We will just have to be adults and work it out.
I would give my life for my baby. I love her more than words can describe. This will all be worth it, I just need to take the step and make that call.