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gathering up the courage

Posted by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 3:19 PM
  • 8 Replies

HI ladies. Im anxious, nervous, and scared for what may be a major change in our lives. I've been raising my daughter without her father involved since she was born, she is now a year and a half. I have refused to see her father because Ive been so upset about his lack of involvement during my pregnancy and our childs infancy. There has been miscomunnications, anger, and spite involved this whole time, and its been a mess. 

I have come to understand that being a mom entails sacrifice, lots of it. Being a mom is more than nurturing and providing, its making extremely difficult decisions. Im going to call her father, this week, and sit down and talk to him face to face, for the first time since I told him I was pregnant. I don't know what the outcome will be, he mas as well tell me he has no desire to be involved, or he may actually want to be a father. I have heard from his mother and many of his friends he truly wishes to be involved but, for reasons ranging from immaturity, pride, and fear, he has not had the courage to call me. I am alot braver than he is. I am putting aside my pride and anger to offer my child a better life, with both her mommy and daddy involved. 

I have to stop hating this man, I loved him once and the most important person in my life was created by that love. I have to learn to forgive him for abandoning us, I need to understand that he made a huge mistake, and when I see him face to face I will realize if he is truly sorry, or if he hasnt changed and he would rather go on uninvolved. Either way, it will be a weight of my shoulders. I will be able to sleep at night knowing I did everything I possibly could for my daughter to grow up a happy, healthy child. If he choses not to see her, we will be just fine, just like we've been this whole time. If he does chose to man up, our lives will change because she will have a father in her life, and I will have financial support from him, so that I may continue to both put myself through college and put more money in my daughter's savings account. 

Either way, we will be just fine. I'm just so, so scared to my core. I will be devasted if he chooses not to be involved for our daughter, because I will have to explain to her one day her father did not want her. If he does want to be involved, im also terrified. How on earth am going to raise my daughter along side this man that I have not spoken to in more than two years? How will we reach a custody agreement? We will just have to be adults and work it out.

I would give my life for my baby. I love her more than words can describe. This will all be worth it, I just need to take the step and make that call. 

by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 3:19 PM
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Replies (1-8):
steviechick
by Gold Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 3:42 PM
1 mom liked this

Since your ex is talking to family and friends why isn't he calling you?  If he was mature enough he would have already called you to start moving foward in being in how child's life.  I would definately be concerned about is lack of courage.  But, you are nicer then I would be.  Hopefully, once you make that first call your ex will own up to being a father.  I wish you good luck!

sofiasmom17
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 4:09 PM

Thank you, and trust me, no one is more upsent and angry about the whole situation than me. But if he wants to continue to be deadbeat coward, I need to hear it from him. 

Quoting steviechick:

Since your ex is talking to family and friends why isn't he calling you?  If he was mature enough he would have already called you to start moving foward in being in how child's life.  I would definately be concerned about is lack of courage.  But, you are nicer then I would be.  Hopefully, once you make that first call your ex will own up to being a father.  I wish you good luck!


kidlover2
by Bronze Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 4:20 PM

Will he be a good influence to your child? Sometimes it pains me that my husband, after being in my daughters lives for so long, left and wants little to do with them. I pushed him to stay involved and he sees them once a week for a few hours.... I don't mean to be harsh, but I regret it now. Make sure that this choice is a good one and a permanent one. Sometimes our hearts want a fantasy of what should be and not the truth of what needs to be &  the reality of what is best for us and our children.

sofiasmom17
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 4:26 PM

Thats exactly what I need to find out. WILL he be a good father? I honestly doubt it but I cant guess or come to conclusions without talking to him first. Based on the conversation we will have I will have a better idea. I just need to do it. 

Quoting kidlover2:

Will he be a good influence to your child? Sometimes it pains me that my husband, after being in my daughters lives for so long, left and wants little to do with them. I pushed him to stay involved and he sees them once a week for a few hours.... I don't mean to be harsh, but I regret it now. Make sure that this choice is a good one and a permanent one. Sometimes our hearts want a fantasy of what should be and not the truth of what needs to be &  the reality of what is best for us and our children.


brieri
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 5:01 PM

 good luck

photogal831
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 5:23 PM

Good luck, sounds like you are doing the right thing...don't worry about the logistics of it yet. Also, keep in mind that it takes two people to have an argument, but only one to have a temper tantrum lol make sure you stay calm and refuse to argue with him.

sofiasmom17
by on May. 1, 2012 at 2:00 AM

Thanks to everyone and your good wishes, Im having more trouble getting in touch with him than I though. We have a couple of mutual friends I though I could get his contact info from, but it looks like they are out of touch with him. *sigh* i'll keep trying though. 

KailesMommy
by on May. 1, 2012 at 2:35 AM
Good luck. I hope it works out with him. Keep ur head up and keep in mind what happens is the best for ur baby to be happy. Even thou he doesn't make you happy and being around him doesn't make you happy but its npt him that needs to make u happy, ur baby girl should make u happy seeing her happy with her dad. Good luck and give it time.
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