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Do you think that married Moms see you as a "threat"?

Posted by on May. 2, 2012 at 8:25 AM
  • 11 Replies

It's happening again. The first time I thought it was a fluke. 8 years ago, my son and I moved to a neighborhood that was mostly families. The nuclear variety. I'd walk him in his carriage 2-3 times a day, hoping to meet some other Moms and establish some friendships, acquaintances, etc... 

That didn't happen. After the first initial conversation with a potential new "mom-friend", anything after that would be one of several things, ranging from brief to going in the house when they saw me coming, to flat-out ignoring me, or crossing to the other side of the street.

My Mother, who was a realtor, got wind of the rumor. There was a woman who just moved in to the neighborhood, and she was clearly just out to snatch someone's husband, out walking her father-less child daily in her fancy clothes (?! anything that is not sweatpants = "fancy clothes" ), and she doesn't have a job! (owning your own business and working from home= trouble brewing). What does she DO all day? How can she afford to have bought a house, live with her son, drive that car, (list goes on)... She MUST be doing something illegal. I heard she was an escort. So-and-so heard that she's having an affair with the gardener! Mrs. so-and-so heard that she runs a porno website!"

Yep, the married Moms in the neighborhood had scrutinized me and put me through the ringer. They spread lies about me, Gossiped galore, and completely ostracized me. Just because I was a single Mom. Just because I could support myself. Just because I chose to dress nicely and take care of myself. Just because I had lost most of the baby weight. Just because I didn't work a 9-5 job and leave my house every day. Just because I wasn't married.

It hurt, and I hated the fact that in order to be friends with these Moms, I would have to completely change myself to NOT appear as a threat. In other words, gain 30 pounds, dress in frumpy clothes, not wear makeup, and a lot of other things.

We moved to a neighborhood a year later, that didn't have a single family with kids in it, or anyone my age. And lived there until a month ago.

Where i find myself back in the frying pan. I live in a neighborhood full of familes and MOMS... and I can't make a single friend. I walk to the bus stop and the Moms don't even look up. I always smile and say "Good Morning, How are you?". They go right back to their conversations.

The word is out on the street... OH NO! WATCH OUT LADIES, THERE IS A HARLOT IN OUR MIDST... a single mom (theme to Jaws now playing in background) has moved onto *our* turf! Stay away from her, guard your husbands!!!  I should me ROFL, but I'm not. Because I hate this. There's not a single Mom or even a single woman in this whole HUGE neighborhood. I'm the ONLY ONE!

So I did some research, and found some articles online. I was not paranoid, I was not imagining things. Married Moms DO treat single Moms differently. VERY differently.

Just run any variation of this Google search...,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_qf.,cf.osb&fp=c082977535d9f310&biw=964&bih=645

Yep, we single Moms... especially if we are independent, successful, self-supporting, physically fit, confident and friendly or even slightly attractive (God help us if we actually ARE attractive- there you have the kiss of death)... are seen as a pretty big threat to the apparent domestic bliss of Married women/Moms.

And that makes me sad. 

What do you think? Have you experienced this with married women? 

As a single mom with no family, in a brand new town- not just wanting but NEEDING to develop that crucial "support network" thing they talk about... but that I've never had? It's really upsetting to me.

How would you deal with this situation? 


by on May. 2, 2012 at 8:25 AM
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by on May. 2, 2012 at 8:42 AM
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Married or not, they are just putting you down for something that is obvious about you. It's what separates you from them. Bullies have done if for years. Who ever is spreading rumors have insecurities that go deeper than them being married. Maybe their husband cheated before and now every woman not tied to a man is a threat? Either way that sucks they are tearing you that way.
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by on May. 2, 2012 at 8:56 AM

 I have married mommy friends and they don't treat me any differently.  But I had one friend that I went to her son's bday party and one of the other moms said "Oh, what does your husband do?"  I said, "oh, not married."  From that moment on those women were complete bitches to me.  I chocked it up to them being jealous.  I had a 2 year old, I'm not gorgeous but not ugly, and I weighed a good 20-40 lbs less than most of them.  I don't need people like that in my life so I just ignored them....

by Ruby Member on May. 2, 2012 at 4:57 PM

 ive experienced it and it doesnt bother me that much. i just dont try to be friends w ppl who dont like me over something i cant control.

i tended to have other single mom friends when i was single. i am stillf riends w my same friends, single or not but i also ahve made some couple friends now that i am in a relationship.

im sorry this is making you sad. can you meet friends other ways? meet any other single moms?

by on May. 2, 2012 at 5:00 PM

I'm not bashing in any way as I was a single Mom myself, but am now married.  I don't see single Moms as a threat at all, but maybe it's because I've been there.  Either way, I hope you can find some real friends in your new town. Good luck to you. 

by on May. 2, 2012 at 5:03 PM
1 mom liked this
Screw those bitches, their just jealous
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by on May. 2, 2012 at 6:02 PM
Never had that happen. It might be the neighborhoods you are in.
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by on May. 3, 2012 at 5:19 AM
Wow. I've never had that happen to me before. Whoevers creating these rumours are just jealous and insecure.
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by on May. 3, 2012 at 6:09 AM

Yes. It's why we left our church. I think women are threatened for many reasons. They may be contemplating divorce, or their marriage may not be going well. Then there are those who clearly see me as a threat to their marriage. And I think that some just judge you for divorcing period. At my last job, my boss (male) and a few coworkers had a conversation loud enough so that I could hear about how marriage is a commitment and blah, blah, blah--like divorce is a cop out or easy decision. I would find a single moms group in your community or moms group to hang out with.  

by on May. 3, 2012 at 9:27 AM

 I am a single mom and just last night I told my boys in the car ride home that when mommy gets a better job we will get a house and they loved that idea. I live in an apartment right now. I don't care what people think about me and I dress how I want or can get for what I can afford. Just show them that ur not a threat and not going to be trying to talk to there husbands. Try to set up a play date with ur child and another or if they are school aged ur kids can invite a friend over to play and when the parent comes to pick up the child then talk with the parent to get to know them. I'm not a person that needs people interaction so guess I wouldn't care if they talked to me or not. When I lived in a house alone and was taking care of the place people would walk by but not talk to me but I heard that they said I took care of the place well and they liked that I kept up with it.

by on May. 3, 2012 at 10:29 AM

As a married woman, who was a single mother for 14 years, I can say that a mom being single in no way threatens me or my marriage.  I treat all women the same, single or married, and am not threatened by any type of woman because I am secure within myself and my marriage.  I have had single women come on to my husband and have had married women do the same, but I wasn't threatened by any of them. In fact, I have no use for any woman that comes on to a married man, regardless of her marital status.  It's the woman, not the ring, that is the problem.  I realize I can't speak for all married women, but to me that is just plain silly.

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