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Do you think that married Moms see you as a "threat"?

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It's happening again. The first time I thought it was a fluke. 8 years ago, my son and I moved to a neighborhood that was mostly families. The nuclear variety. I'd walk him in his carriage 2-3 times a day, hoping to meet some other Moms and establish some friendships, acquaintances, etc... 

That didn't happen. After the first initial conversation with a potential new "mom-friend", anything after that would be one of several things, ranging from brief to going in the house when they saw me coming, to flat-out ignoring me, or crossing to the other side of the street.

My Mother, who was a realtor, got wind of the rumor. There was a woman who just moved in to the neighborhood, and she was clearly just out to snatch someone's husband, out walking her father-less child daily in her fancy clothes (?! anything that is not sweatpants = "fancy clothes" ), and she doesn't have a job! (owning your own business and working from home= trouble brewing). What does she DO all day? How can she afford to have bought a house, live with her son, drive that car, (list goes on)... She MUST be doing something illegal. I heard she was an escort. So-and-so heard that she's having an affair with the gardener! Mrs. so-and-so heard that she runs a porno website!"

Yep, the married Moms in the neighborhood had scrutinized me and put me through the ringer. They spread lies about me, Gossiped galore, and completely ostracized me. Just because I was a single Mom. Just because I could support myself. Just because I chose to dress nicely and take care of myself. Just because I had lost most of the baby weight. Just because I didn't work a 9-5 job and leave my house every day. Just because I wasn't married.

It hurt, and I hated the fact that in order to be friends with these Moms, I would have to completely change myself to NOT appear as a threat. In other words, gain 30 pounds, dress in frumpy clothes, not wear makeup, and a lot of other things.

We moved to a neighborhood a year later, that didn't have a single family with kids in it, or anyone my age. And lived there until a month ago.

Where i find myself back in the frying pan. I live in a neighborhood full of familes and MOMS... and I can't make a single friend. I walk to the bus stop and the Moms don't even look up. I always smile and say "Good Morning, How are you?". They go right back to their conversations.

The word is out on the street... OH NO! WATCH OUT LADIES, THERE IS A HARLOT IN OUR MIDST... a single mom (theme to Jaws now playing in background) has moved onto *our* turf! Stay away from her, guard your husbands!!!  I should me ROFL, but I'm not. Because I hate this. There's not a single Mom or even a single woman in this whole HUGE neighborhood. I'm the ONLY ONE!

So I did some research, and found some articles online. I was not paranoid, I was not imagining things. Married Moms DO treat single Moms differently. VERY differently.

Just run any variation of this Google search...,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_qf.,cf.osb&fp=c082977535d9f310&biw=964&bih=645

Yep, we single Moms... especially if we are independent, successful, self-supporting, physically fit, confident and friendly or even slightly attractive (God help us if we actually ARE attractive- there you have the kiss of death)... are seen as a pretty big threat to the apparent domestic bliss of Married women/Moms.

And that makes me sad. 

What do you think? Have you experienced this with married women? 

As a single mom with no family, in a brand new town- not just wanting but NEEDING to develop that crucial "support network" thing they talk about... but that I've never had? It's really upsetting to me.

How would you deal with this situation? 


by on May. 2, 2012 at 8:25 AM
Replies (11-11):
by on May. 3, 2012 at 5:58 PM

Oh My G*D!!!  This is my life to a ''T.'

I live in a nice neighborhood.  I'm fit, super successful professionally and all the neighborhood moms hate me!  I finally became friends with my neighbor when I made it very clear druing a random conversation that I would never be attracted to a man like hers.  He was "just too tall for me," which was a lie.  He's actually very handsome, but now we hang out all the time.  

I've never even thought about trying to steal any husband and I refuse to date anyone who is in a relationship!  Hello, I have standards too! I wish these women wouldn't be so judegmental.  I never wanted to be single.  He left me for another woman, who was married at the time! (I was two months pregnant at the time) I guess I should be the one wary of married women, but I don't hold it against them.  

Julia,  I wish you luck!  Don't change anything about yourself for these women!  The ones you want to be friends with will come along.  


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