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would u say this to your child?

Posted by on May. 2, 2012 at 9:19 AM
  • 39 Replies
If your child comes up to and keeps asking where is my dad why isn't he here does he love me? And if the father hasn't been around would u say yes he loves you enough to do what is best for you and to not be here bc he isn't ready. What do u think?
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by on May. 2, 2012 at 9:19 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MamasaurusPrime
by on May. 2, 2012 at 9:22 AM

I don't see a problem with that, but it might leads to anxiety and feelings of abandonment.

Reason I said *I* personally don't see it problematic is because no matter what I say to my DS, he strongly believes his dad isn't doing enough for him. He's 5. He shouldn't know this stuff until he's older, but he does some way, some how.

Ngi ne themba - I have hope.

KailesMommy
by on May. 2, 2012 at 9:27 AM
Gotta love kids. Lol I am doing what I can to ignore the topic when dd brings it up and side tracker, shiney thing, lol but she keeps asking and I'm at giving up on trying to aviod it anymore.

Quoting MamasaurusPrime:

I don't see a problem with that, but it might leads to anxiety and feelings of abandonment.

Reason I said *I* personally don't see it problematic is because no matter what I say to my DS, he strongly believes his dad isn't doing enough for him. He's 5. He shouldn't know this stuff until he's older, but he does some way, some how.

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CSMommy2012
by on May. 2, 2012 at 9:28 AM

I do think honesty is the best policy. Kids aren't stupid - they notice a lot more than we (as parents) may think. Personally, when things like this come up, I always tell my son that his daddy loves him very much but that daddy has to be at work (or in our case, my ex has an ill mother, so I say that he is taking care of Nanna). My son's father is NOT ready to be a dad either but I don't want my baby to think that he did something wrong. We just leave it at "daddy has other things going on right now, but he loves you and misses you very much". Hoping for peace in the heart of your little one....hang in there.

happymommy1105
by Gold Member on May. 2, 2012 at 9:29 AM
No I wouldn't say that.

I tell.my son that god is working on his daddy right now and when god is done his daddy will.come back to him.

I don't know my Exes.feelings. I'm not going to lead my son to believe that leaving is best. And I'm not going to put feelings or words into my exes mouth.
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LifeCafe42
by Nora on May. 2, 2012 at 9:31 AM
Im going to tell him. His dad wasn't ready to be a daddy but there are so many people that love him we have a special family
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MamaHens3
by on May. 2, 2012 at 10:39 AM

I was raised as a single parent child, I asked about my dad in my early days yet as i got older. I saw he wasn't there, my mom was both mom and dad. An as time went on more, I distregaurded my father sadly. At 29, I do not have contact with him and I'm OK with that. He has not seen his four grand children, he has called me randomly YET nothing past that. 

My mom told me my dad loved me, and once she called him for me. He had a # to be reached, was ok with her calling. He lives in Florida, had since before I was born and left MI to go there. I am glad he left, I am glad my mom said what she did. She never talked bad of him, and or said he left me. I am going to tell my dd that's 8 months that, that her dad loved me and she was made out of love. An he cares for her, he does odds are yet hey lets not get into detail. As time goes on, she'll see he isn't present and judge on her own her thoughts on him. As I did for my own, he may come around still?? I don't know lol, if so then who know. 

steviechick
by on May. 2, 2012 at 10:48 AM

I grew up without my father in my life for many years.  He remarried and my mom remarried.  My step-dad moves us all over the country thus making it hard for my real father to be with me and my siblings.  We even moved to Germany and lived there for six years.  However, we never received a b-day card.  THAT was something my dad SHOULD have done considering he was in our lives up until I was 12 years old.  There was no excuse for my dad's withdrawal from we kids.  My mom never once spoke for my father.  It was up to him to tell us his reasoning for his non-committment of being a father.   FF to today, and my father has done everything he can to reach out to me and my siblings.  A little too late for my older brother, but at least my father is trying to reach out (by calling and visiting).  I guess those years of 'abandonment' has done a lot of damage to my older brother.  My ex has done enough damage to our daughter (and to me) for neither of us to want to have anything to do with him.  He's lied, cheated and has financial problems and always will.  Besides, he's mentally unstable.  He has a new wife and kids.  We could care less what goes on with him from this point.

I say if a guy can't be a proper father then that's something your child has to accept.  When they are young and can't fully understand why their daddy won't see them it's best to tell them that their daddy isn't ready to be a father but that doesn't mean he does not love his child.  Being a daddy is more than loving from a distance. 

tyfry7496
by on May. 2, 2012 at 12:28 PM
No. When my son asked, I told him that EVERYONE has a father but for many reasons some don't get to see them.
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KailesMommy
by on May. 2, 2012 at 12:59 PM
Oh wow. Well thank u for posting. I had my mom and step dad but didn't know my step dad was a step dad I thought he was my bio dad. So idk how it feels to know what she is feeling. I have his number and I'm not sure if he would mind me calling him for her but idk. He won't tlk to me. And he is having another child and naming her falon. Sorry I'm beyond pissed right now with that.

Quoting MamaHens3:

I was raised as a single parent child, I asked about my dad in my early days yet as i got older. I saw he wasn't there, my mom was both mom and dad. An as time went on more, I distregaurded my father sadly. At 29, I do not have contact with him and I'm OK with that. He has not seen his four grand children, he has called me randomly YET nothing past that. 

My mom told me my dad loved me, and once she called him for me. He had a # to be reached, was ok with her calling. He lives in Florida, had since before I was born and left MI to go there. I am glad he left, I am glad my mom said what she did. She never talked bad of him, and or said he left me. I am going to tell my dd that's 8 months that, that her dad loved me and she was made out of love. An he cares for her, he does odds are yet hey lets not get into detail. As time goes on, she'll see he isn't present and judge on her own her thoughts on him. As I did for my own, he may come around still?? I don't know lol, if so then who know. 

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moosesmom
by Silver Member on May. 2, 2012 at 1:34 PM

No. I think when that time comes and my son has questions I'm going to look his dad up, and let him know his son has a question for him. Not to say that the answer in the OP wasn't okay. Personally, I wouldn't use it. It's such a difficult subject.  :-(

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