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he said he finally has a job so he now wants to come around..idk what to do..help

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he never cared wen I was preg..he didn't go to the hopital he always bailed wen he said he was going to come c her..all he does is get drunk with his friends..I ask him whats his reason for not coming around he says that he's embarresed to come around with no money( he lets money make him) and now he has a job and says he's ready..but I don't belive him I feel as if he's still goin to lie and try to be in and out her life I'm sick of him...I always give him oppertunities to come around.. I had decided I wasn't gona talk to him no more and just a couple hours ago he decides to tell me he finally has a job and he's ready..what do I do? should I just not text him back and keep ignoring to let him know I'm done trying? idk I'm feel confused..
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by on May. 3, 2012 at 1:06 AM
Replies (11-18):
NananRaysmom
by Bronze Member on May. 3, 2012 at 12:55 PM
IMO...unless there was abuse of the child involved...you always give the father the option to be in their childs life..
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brieri
by Platinum Member on May. 3, 2012 at 1:50 PM

 Your choice.  If you think your daughter doesn't need to see her father, that is up to you.  Best wishes.

mama_grizz
by on May. 3, 2012 at 1:54 PM
My dds dad did the same thing... He'd only want to be involved when he thought he was doing something good, like a little toddler would care. Then as soon as the job was lost or the idea was not acted upon, he'd up and disappear again. I never stop him from seeing her. She's smart enough to see what's going on. I did stop telling her when he was supposed to come because he kept not showing up, but other than that he's digging his own hole with her and I'll be damned if he can blame me for it.
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SinceresMomma
by on May. 3, 2012 at 3:04 PM
I would let him come around and see his daughter and let them two get to know eachother. But with you just don't get your hopes up yet about you two. Just keep it cordial. Kwim?
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Caleighsmommy
by on May. 3, 2012 at 4:11 PM

 ok so what if he loses the job, then hes going to stop coming aorund again? no i wouldnt have him come around. Hes had chances and now if he wants to he can take theat money, get a lawyer and get visitation, and use some to pay child support as well!!!!!

lissetteP
by Silver Member on May. 3, 2012 at 4:13 PM
100% agreed! thanks


Quoting Caleighsmommy:

 ok so what if he loses the job, then hes going to stop coming aorund again? no i wouldnt have him come around. Hes had chances and now if he wants to he can take theat money, get a lawyer and get visitation, and use some to pay child support as well!!!!!


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MamasaurusPrime
by on May. 3, 2012 at 6:26 PM
1 mom liked this

Why are you asking if you don't want him around her then?

We're giving you advice that favors your daughter's best interests, not because we're "law abiders". Actually, if you want to get technical, he may not be on the BC, but he is still her father (if a DNA test has been taken to prove that, if not - get one) but if he is proposing to come around your daughter because he has money, that tells me he was hesitant to come around because he probably felt insecure and like a bum without any.

Now that he has money, he probably feels he can prove something to you. Money is a sort of protection for him against YOUR judgment of him.

If you don't want to let him around your daughter, then don't. But don't ask for advice if you don't even wanna hear what we have to suggest to you. You're wasting a lot of intelligent members' time with your wishy-washyness.

Ngi ne themba - I have hope.

000mom111
by on May. 3, 2012 at 9:23 PM

I am a mother of 3, 2 of wich by the same loser. One child we was actually in a relationship with when I had her and he continued to see after, the other wich we was not (don't ask) and seeing as babies are alot of responsibilty he had almost nothing to do with. In my experience the one he had little infleunce on ended up better off, I wish that I had let less contact between my daughter and him go on. Its hard to raise a child with someone (living together or not) that is a child themselves.

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