Someone please help me. I am so worried I don't know what to do!! Father bringing me to court..
So I used to do a lot of drugs. And sell my body for them and just lived a horrible lifestyle all together. I met my baby's dad through a 'friend' of mine and immediately he wanted to take me out to eat, take me shopping etc. He was very persistent. But that's kinda beside the point. The point is he was a meth dealer and I was a young lost used up drug addict. I told him about all the horrible things I did to get high and how I didn't wanna be like that anymore and he told me he would never do that to me. He sure was generous with his meth though, giving me my own personal bag everyday and telling me he couldn't let me run out. Hooking me on the shit cuz he knew what type of person I was. Eventually I got to the point where I felt like I owed him for it. Big mistake. But I had sex with him. And gave him the impression that he could get it whenever he wanted. I never actually wanted to. Except for maybe a few times when I initiated it. Anyway, or eventually turned into him touching me while I pulled away from him and just kept doing it till I finally gave in, had sex with me, and THEN broke off a piece of glass for me to smoke ire snort. I mostly snorted but that's beside the point. Anyway, I just wanted to give you a little insight on the type of man this is..
I got pregnant by him. Which was the best and most beautiful gift I have ever received. I was so so low in my life to the point where all I could do was cry when I got high. I hated so much what I'd become and couldn't stop. I had nothing to stop for.. all I had were all the feeling of guilt and shame and disgust holding me back. But I always knew in my heart that if I were to ever get pregnant, I would stop doing drugs. I prayed to God to get me out of this. To give me something in my life that would make me stop because I was so powerless. a few weeks after that prayer I found out I was pregnant, and that's the last time I ever touched that drug. June 20th 2010.
A couple months into my pregnancy, he went to prison. Not exactly sure for what but some kind of drug charge. He was locked up my whole pregnancy and the first 6 months of my daughter's life. While he was in there I grew some resentment towards him for the things he did to me so I wasn't excited about him getting out at all. But he wanted to see his daughter immediately so I brought her over to let him meet her.
That night I don't know what happened but maybe I felt bad for him. And something in my told me he had changed and he was a good person and the drugs were just what made him controlling etc etc. and I decided I wanted to try to make a relationship work with him for my daughter's sake. I wanted her to have pArents who were together like mine. Anyway, so I tried making it work with A guy whom I was telling myself I loved when deep down I actually hated him more than anything in the entire world for what he did to me. But anyway ended up pregnant by him again. Shortly after that I had seen that he hadn't changed at all.
Sure he was on parole now and not selling drugs but absolutely nothing else about himbhad changed. He still had that sick manipulative twist to him to get what he wants. He STILL made me have sex with him when I didn't want to. And he still was talking and hanging out with the same stupid people he used to. The ones he sold and did meth with. And telling me about all the new connections he had from prison now to get whatever he wanted "if" he wanted that is.
So I changed my mind about being with him. And I told him. But it was almost like he pretended I never said it and our relationship went on, which mostly consisted of him buying me stuff to try to make me wanna bevwith him.
Anyway on to the issue at hand... we currently have no custody/visitation schedule. I just bring my daughter to see him every Saturday. I DO NOT let him take her on his own, I DO NOT trust him. I fervor her safety knowing the people he hangs around with and God knows the shit he's doing. He's told me he's thought about selling again and I wonder if you love your kids why would you expose them to the possibility of you going backvto selling or using by hanging around old people known to bring you down? I just don't know..
He asked me to live with him today. I said no. And then he told me he was gonna bring me to court to get to see his kids. One who is not even born yet and one who's been by my side since the day she was born.. he's gonna try to take them from me. On weekends or whatever.. no! I can't be without my Ellie for 2 nights... she needs me.. She needs her crib and her Lullaby music and for Mama to tuck her in and be in the same room as her while she sleeps. (we share a room) and she wakes up a couple times a night. I'm right there for her and I know what to do to get her right back to sleep. He doesn't even know how to change her diaper...
But look my main concern is him, a multiple felon, dangerous criminal, taking her for the weekend without me there to make sure she's okay and that he doesn't bring g her around fd up people. I am just so worried for her safety, her wellbeing, I don't want her around any of that crap. if someone who's doing meth is sweating it out of their pores, and she touches it, it's absorbed ed into her skin. I just love her so much and don't feel safe with her over there by herself. And overnight scares me the most. and then my newborn son on top of it all..
I just had an horrible anxiety attack before I took my medication and started writing this so I'm rather calm now but still worried still asking for help. Please please someone say they know what I'm going through...do I need a lawyer? What is court gonna be like? What exactly are his rights if he has a repeated pattern of felony criminal history? Is he gonna get to take my babies fro. me???? Would they really do that to them.. ?? Please help!!! :,