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Someone please help me. I am so worried I don't know what to do!! Father bringing me to court..

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This post is gonna be very long cuz I have a lot of explaining to do so if you have the time to read it and try to give me some advice I would more than appreciate it..
So I used to do a lot of drugs. And sell my body for them and just lived a horrible lifestyle all together. I met my baby's dad through a 'friend' of mine and immediately he wanted to take me out to eat, take me shopping etc. He was very persistent. But that's kinda beside the point. The point is he was a meth dealer and I was a young lost used up drug addict. I told him about all the horrible things I did to get high and how I didn't wanna be like that anymore and he told me he would never do that to me. He sure was generous with his meth though, giving me my own personal bag everyday and telling me he couldn't let me run out. Hooking me on the shit cuz he knew what type of person I was. Eventually I got to the point where I felt like I owed him for it. Big mistake. But I had sex with him. And gave him the impression that he could get it whenever he wanted. I never actually wanted to. Except for maybe a few times when I initiated it. Anyway, or eventually turned into him touching me while I pulled away from him and just kept doing it till I finally gave in, had sex with me, and THEN broke off a piece of glass for me to smoke ire snort. I mostly snorted but that's beside the point. Anyway, I just wanted to give you a little insight on the type of man this is..
I got pregnant by him. Which was the best and most beautiful gift I have ever received. I was so so low in my life to the point where all I could do was cry when I got high. I hated so much what I'd become and couldn't stop. I had nothing to stop for.. all I had were all the feeling of guilt and shame and disgust holding me back. But I always knew in my heart that if I were to ever get pregnant, I would stop doing drugs. I prayed to God to get me out of this. To give me something in my life that would make me stop because I was so powerless. a few weeks after that prayer I found out I was pregnant, and that's the last time I ever touched that drug. June 20th 2010.
A couple months into my pregnancy, he went to prison. Not exactly sure for what but some kind of drug charge. He was locked up my whole pregnancy and the first 6 months of my daughter's life. While he was in there I grew some resentment towards him for the things he did to me so I wasn't excited about him getting out at all. But he wanted to see his daughter immediately so I brought her over to let him meet her.
That night I don't know what happened but maybe I felt bad for him. And something in my told me he had changed and he was a good person and the drugs were just what made him controlling etc etc. and I decided I wanted to try to make a relationship work with him for my daughter's sake. I wanted her to have pArents who were together like mine. Anyway, so I tried making it work with A guy whom I was telling myself I loved when deep down I actually hated him more than anything in the entire world for what he did to me. But anyway ended up pregnant by him again. Shortly after that I had seen that he hadn't changed at all.
Sure he was on parole now and not selling drugs but absolutely nothing else about himbhad changed. He still had that sick manipulative twist to him to get what he wants. He STILL made me have sex with him when I didn't want to. And he still was talking and hanging out with the same stupid people he used to. The ones he sold and did meth with. And telling me about all the new connections he had from prison now to get whatever he wanted "if" he wanted that is.
So I changed my mind about being with him. And I told him. But it was almost like he pretended I never said it and our relationship went on, which mostly consisted of him buying me stuff to try to make me wanna bevwith him.
Anyway on to the issue at hand... we currently have no custody/visitation schedule. I just bring my daughter to see him every Saturday. I DO NOT let him take her on his own, I DO NOT trust him. I fervor her safety knowing the people he hangs around with and God knows the shit he's doing. He's told me he's thought about selling again and I wonder if you love your kids why would you expose them to the possibility of you going backvto selling or using by hanging around old people known to bring you down? I just don't know..
He asked me to live with him today. I said no. And then he told me he was gonna bring me to court to get to see his kids. One who is not even born yet and one who's been by my side since the day she was born.. he's gonna try to take them from me. On weekends or whatever.. no! I can't be without my Ellie for 2 nights... she needs me.. She needs her crib and her Lullaby music and for Mama to tuck her in and be in the same room as her while she sleeps. (we share a room) and she wakes up a couple times a night. I'm right there for her and I know what to do to get her right back to sleep. He doesn't even know how to change her diaper...
But look my main concern is him, a multiple felon, dangerous criminal, taking her for the weekend without me there to make sure she's okay and that he doesn't bring g her around fd up people. I am just so worried for her safety, her wellbeing, I don't want her around any of that crap. if someone who's doing meth is sweating it out of their pores, and she touches it, it's absorbed ed into her skin. I just love her so much and don't feel safe with her over there by herself. And overnight scares me the most. and then my newborn son on top of it all..
I just had an horrible anxiety attack before I took my medication and started writing this so I'm rather calm now but still worried still asking for help. Please please someone say they know what I'm going I need a lawyer? What is court gonna be like? What exactly are his rights if he has a repeated pattern of felony criminal history? Is he gonna get to take my babies fro. me???? Would they really do that to them.. ?? Please help!!! :,
by on May. 3, 2012 at 5:23 AM
Replies (21-27):
by on May. 3, 2012 at 10:33 PM

Lawyer up, and with a really good one.

by on May. 3, 2012 at 10:40 PM
More than likely, he will get supervised visitsion. He's a felon on parole. You have been clean. If supervised goes well, he'll get unsupervised and no overnights. Then, later on, possibly overnights, but that's long off. Just be honest a clear about your past, don't act like you are hiding anything. I think you'll come out on top. Good luck.
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by on May. 4, 2012 at 10:27 PM

I haven't been in your situation but the best thing to start with is get a lawyer.  He's such an idiot (to put it nicely) that he's likely to throw himself under the bus, if he hasn't done enough already.  CONGRATULATIONS to you for being clean since you found out you were pregnant, that's awesome.  He will look like the loser he is all through the process if he tries for custody.  That said, the courts try everything they can to reunite the family and have the child spend time with both parents. Whether it makes sense or not, that's the way it is.  If you are low income, go to a site like and look up your state, from there you can find a lawyer.  And panicking will get you nowhere except not being able to think straight and feeling like crap.  Document everything you can think of and keep documenting.  When he sees them, where, who's there, what he says, how he acts with them, I would document everything.  It can't hurt.  And as for how someone could expose their kids to that, he probably doesn't think it matters since he won't actually be giving it to her. That's wrong of course, but maybe a little insight.  As for court, its not the most comfortable place to be for sure so make sure you have someone there for moral support on top of your legal counsel.  I know its scary but you are a mom and you can do anything!

by on May. 4, 2012 at 10:41 PM

ok this is gonna sound like a bitch move but im sure he is doing SOMETHING against his parole rules...if he is in jail it will be a lot easier (i heard im waiting on paperwork dd1's dad is in prison). go to child support and file. go to mediation go the length and tell them your shouldnt need a lawyer but keep your home clean and give no one an opportunity to call you a bad mother. (being an ex-drug addict means nothing...congrats...i never did meth i was more of a crack head but i stopped for the SAME reason....only it was my father who prayed for me) if you want someone to just talk to i am here :). good luck!!

by Ruby Member on May. 5, 2012 at 5:54 PM
My so has straightened out his life but he has a LONG rap sheet, a violent felony and numerous drug arrests. His kids mother tried to use this against him and while it made court a huge pain in te ass for BOTH him and her, he still has eow fri to Monday and Wednesday's.

Quoting hnthebfish:

Quoting Tigger0421:

I'm sorry love but this same thing happened to ex did drugs and sol, but I didnt use at all. He dumped once we found out we were pregnant and tried to force me to have an abortion. So I cut off all ties with . I then filed for custody and the war began! I was with my lawyer crying hysterical bc he wanted overnights. IM SORRY TO SAY BUT IF HE PSHES THE ISSUE HE WILL GET OVERNIGHTS. Yes it sucks and yes it's hard but the court systems now try to allow fair visitation to the father. My daughter was only 4 months when she started her overnights. Sorry to be the bringer of bad newsbut I wish someone would have prepared me for what was in store. I was devastated when she left but you have to stay strong for your daughter! Keep a journal about everything. Is he on time for picks, is her behavior different when she comes home, take photos of what she looks like when she leaves and then when she comes home. All this info has gotten my judge to take another look at my case and I am now allowed to move with my new fiancé who loves my daughter like she is his own. The situation sucks, trust me I know. Just stay strong and keep a level head. He may try to provoke you to get a reaction out of you. Do not react. In the end it will work out!

I was just wondering if your ex has any drug convictions or any other felonies? Cuz I think this May be very helpful to my case, the fact that mine has multiple felonies, some for drugs others for I don't even know what. But when I was with him he would often brag about his 19 felony convictions. So just wondering if your ex has any felonies.
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by Ruby Member on May. 5, 2012 at 6:00 PM
Op he has to follow up to get these rights. Do you think he really will? A lot of times they just threaten. U should be fine.
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by on May. 5, 2012 at 8:56 PM
Definitely get a laywer or if needed legal aid can be very helpful . Document everything ( phone conversations ) , timeline of when events occured, visits , etc. Good luck
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