Should I order drug test on him? or try to avoid a high conflict divorce war?
This thing has been bothering me a lot, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Long story short, my husband left about 8 months ago. I moved to my parent's house with my 1 year old son, and he stopped depositing any money in our joint account right away. He took all the business assets and didn't give us any child support. I found out I was pregnant with our second child after I moved to my parent's house. I told him about the baby, but he never cared or called to check on us.
My husband is a chronic pot smoker and he drinks daily. I have been thinking to order drug test on him in order to reduce his visitation (I live in Texas and I really dont' want him to have standard visitation). His mother and her sisters have been really mean to me every since I was married to that family. I can't stand the thought of my sons spending time with them. Especially nobody ever called to check on me or my kids since he filed the divorce. They don't even care whether I'm having a boy or a girl this time.
My lawyer said if I order drug test on him, it's going to be a divorce war. if he's tested positive, he'll have supervised visitation and more than likely he'll keep bringing me back to court until he gets standard visitation. It'll be a lot of money and we'll need to go through trials.
I don't know what to do. Is it better for my sons to have their father and let them spend time with him and his family? Should I just not do the drug test on my husband, and just let him have the standard visitation?
Just thinking about my sons will be away for a month in the summer, a week of thanksgiving, a week of christmas, a week of spring break, every other weekend.... it makes me sad already :(
Fast forward a little... I was awarded sole custody on April 23 of this year. :-) no more worrying about visits!
can you request a drug test on both of you guys, just to be fair. Hint, hint. Then when he comes back positive nail him with supervise visits. I'm in Texas too, the courts here suck.
thanks for the advice! Did you have to go through trials to prove that he's using drug? Did he fight really hard with you and try to prove your fault too?
My husband is a very competitive person. He
always has to win and I am afraid nothing will stop him until he gets
the standard visitation which is frustrating.
But my lawyer also
said that some guys just like to fight until they get what they want. We
both dont' think that he'll really want to take care of a 19 month old
boy and a new born every other week. He'll probably get the standard
visitation, shows up for a month, and gradually shows up less and less.
That's what I'm hoping at least.
His parents live out of state so they won't be able to help him with the kids every other weekend. I don't think he'll be able to wake up and feed the new born every two, three hours, while taking care of my 19 month old son.
Quoting LeeLee375:
If he's doing drugs, he deserves a drug test and supervised visits. I say do it. I'm going through a VERY similar situation. Found out we were having another baby after we separated, too. But we have 2 older sons. I just found out he was on drugs after the separation though.
Fast forward a little... I was awarded sole custody on April 23 of this year. :-) no more worrying about visits!
It's a hard decision for me because even though he's not a good husband and I really can't stand him and his family, but he loves our son and he never smokes around my son. I feel that my sons should have relationship with their father but I also can't stand the thought of not having them around all the time.
Maybe I just need to get used to it but it's really hard especially when they are still a baby/toddler.
prayers for all involved..
- ftwmom
on May. 3, 2012 at 10:32 PM