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Feeling guilty - let me have it ladies

Posted by on May. 5, 2012 at 11:54 AM
  • 5 Replies

 Honesty please ladies - no sugar coating I am flip flopping between feeling guilty and being happy for myself and well I need to know if my back and forth feelings are normal.    The stbxh moved out last August and has had a gf since - I let him know that I thought it was morally wrong for him to have a gf before the divorce was final but admit that the feeling stemmed from the fact that she was hanging around my kids and they were asking questions about who she was and I was not willing to answer them, once he stopped bringing her around the kids and began seeing her only when they weren't around that feeling eased and I now could care less about his relationship with her as long as I don't have to hear about it.    Well a few weeks ago while the kids were with their dad, an old friend I have kept in touch with asked to go out for coffee, I went and we ended up going to a movie and then back to my house and well things happened, we both understood it was just a thing, no romance nothing other then sex.    Last night after the kids went with their dad I got together with my friend again and the same thing happened.    I now feel guilty, this guy friend is someone I have known since high school, we were really good friends and he had romantic feeling for me in the past but neither of us wanted to ruin our friendship well my stbhx (then bf) didn't like him for that reason, didn't understand our connection so we stopped hanging out and eventually lost contact we found each other a few years ago via fb and have chatted via im and email since - I told the stbxh so it would not cause problems and he seemed to be ok with it.    I feel guilty because I techinically am still married despite not living with the stbxh and then I add that it is this particular guy who my husband was always jealous of --- I don't understand why I feel guilty.  Sure I will always care for the stbxh - we had 18 years together and two amazing kids but I don't love him like I once did - why do I care if I hurt his feelings or will I even hurt his feelings.   The friend and I are keeping this a secret - honestly to me this is just sex as he claims it is for him but we don't need other people knowing.   I just don't understand why I can't dive in head first and enjoy it without thinking of anyone but me.

by on May. 5, 2012 at 11:54 AM
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Replies (1-5):
Mia1983
by Mia on May. 5, 2012 at 12:09 PM
I don't see why you would feel guilty. You aren't involving your kids in your sex life and there is no hope of reconciliation with the stbx. You have a right to move on.
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MamasaurusPrime
by on May. 5, 2012 at 12:10 PM

I wouldn't feel guilty, you've already started the process of divorce and it's not like your STBXH is coming running back to you with his arms wide open.

Have some damn fun. It's YOUR life - you're FREE!!!!!!

Ngi ne themba - I have hope.

sllytnkrbl
by on May. 5, 2012 at 12:12 PM

 That is what I keep telling myself.  I am just waiting for it to sink in.  I just don't get it.

Quoting Mia1983:

I don't see why you would feel guilty. You aren't involving your kids in your sex life and there is no hope of reconciliation with the stbx. You have a right to move on.

 

sllytnkrbl
by on May. 5, 2012 at 12:14 PM

 Maybe this is what I need is others telling me what I keep telling myself because really this never thinking of me thing is driving me nuts!

Quoting MamasaurusPrime:

I wouldn't feel guilty, you've already started the process of divorce and it's not like your STBXH is coming running back to you with his arms wide open.

Have some damn fun. It's YOUR life - you're FREE!!!!!!

 

MamasaurusPrime
by on May. 5, 2012 at 12:16 PM

Totally understandable!!!

There is nothing "illegal" about what you are doing! He's doing the same thing anyway!

Quoting sllytnkrbl:

 Maybe this is what I need is others telling me what I keep telling myself because really this never thinking of me thing is driving me nuts!

Quoting MamasaurusPrime:

I wouldn't feel guilty, you've already started the process of divorce and it's not like your STBXH is coming running back to you with his arms wide open.

Have some damn fun. It's YOUR life - you're FREE!!!!!!

 


Ngi ne themba - I have hope.

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