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I really need to toughen up I think

Posted by on May. 5, 2012 at 10:08 PM
  • 5 Replies

 I know there are a lot of dad's out there who don't care to spend time with their kids like they should and I should be thankful that my stbxh adores our kids and wants to be with them but I think I need to set limits.   We have a visitation agreement, this agreement states that stbxh gets the kids from 6:30pm Friday night to 9:30am Sunday morning and I get them the rest of the week and then we have holidays divided.  The past few weeks he has come by to see the kids during the week and then either not taken them on Friday night or dropped them off early - since we agreed the kids should not be around his gf until the divorce is final I know he spends his Sundays with her, he mentioned how she wants to spend more time with him and I know that is why he's been switching his schedule.   I know I should be happy that he comes by during the week to make up the time he loses on weekends but I find it unfair - we are divorcing for a reason, I don't want to be around him if I don't have to be and it is also taking away from my alone time with my kids - he gets Friday and Saturday, the two days they can stay up late, go out and play all day.  When I have them between work and school our time together consists of homework, dinner, bath and bedtime - I don't get to go out with them so I want to suck up all the extra minutes during the week of just watching tv or reading or crafts together and he's taking that from me because he needs time on the weekend.  I don't want to take dad time away from the kids but I feel like it's unfair to me.   If his gf can't understand that he has a set arrangement then he needs to deal with that not rearrange my life to suit his/her needs.   I just am stuck because I don't want to hurt the kids by demanding he stick to his schedule and let me stick to mine. 

by on May. 5, 2012 at 10:08 PM
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Replies (1-5):
PeninaK
by on May. 5, 2012 at 10:45 PM

Insist that he abide by the already agreed upon visitation arrangement.  You are not hurting your children by complying with agreement; the agreement is for their benefit as well.

kcook55
by on May. 5, 2012 at 11:05 PM

I would tell him you are more than welcome to come get the kids when its your time but when it my time you are not welcome to see them we have a visitation agreement for a reason

Robsessed98
by on May. 6, 2012 at 12:30 AM

Exactly.  There are exceptions to this of course, but they should be rare.

Quoting PeninaK:

Insist that he abide by the already agreed upon visitation arrangement.  You are not hurting your children by complying with agreement; the agreement is for their benefit as well.


animebuddy
by Platinum Member on May. 6, 2012 at 6:12 AM
Stick to the visitation order and stop allowing him to have the visits on other days in your home. You don't have to be around him, visits are at his home.
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eirejade
by Member on May. 6, 2012 at 6:21 AM
Unfortunately you can't keep him from picking them up late or dropping them off early but you can prevent him from seeing the kids outside of those hours. Don't allow him in when he shows up. My ex constantly picks up late and drops off early...it just looks bad on himz but they can't force him to have the kids when he doesn't want them
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