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toxic family vs. no family

Posted by on May. 6, 2012 at 12:38 AM
  • 24 Replies

I am conflicted as to what to do with my family. I hate them. They have been so unsupportive and horrible to me since I became a mom 2 years ago, the stories would blow your mind. They do nothing for my daughter, never buy her anything, take her anywhere , etc etc. But they are nice to her when they see her and I know that makes her happy. I have been brought up with my mother saying family only counts and strangers dont care about you, but honestly without moms that I have met over the past 2 years, I think I may have been hospitalized for severe depression, due to the complete loneliness I have felt. We do not speak to my soon to be ex family (and I am separated because he is abusive and I threw him out) . It looks like my daughter will be an only child because I am an older mom, and I want her to have people who love her around. The truth is its impossible to not love her, she is the sweetest, most precious little angel. I think she feels the stress I feel when around my toxic family because she seems to cling to me and not feel comfortable when I am feeling stressed by things they say to me (they think she doesnt understand when they are insulting me or saying terrible things but she understands everything and is very verbal).

With my ex's family, story is a little different- they have been horrible to me and him always--- never acknowledged our engagement, send horrible emails saying they cant wait for us to get a divorce, send highly insulting prejudice emails to me and say everyone can say their opinion and how dare I be insulted,exclude me from invitations to family showers, etc-- all because we have had drama because he has been very abusive. Here again, I want my daughter to have family, but is it reasonable for me to have her see them when they dont even acknowledge me as a person let alone family?

So my question is...is it healthier for her to see them so she is in contact with family and people who can love her, or is it better for her to not be around people who are so toxic to her mother?

by on May. 6, 2012 at 12:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
animebuddy
by on May. 6, 2012 at 6:10 AM
4 moms liked this
It is better to not be around toxic people. You don't want your daughter to see them disrespecting you. Shell learn to do the same thing.
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Lunarprancer
by Bronze Member on May. 6, 2012 at 6:20 AM

 Better for her to not be around people who are so toxic to her Mother.  No question.

With light and love

Jeni_lea
by on May. 6, 2012 at 6:33 AM
This.

Quoting animebuddy:

It is better to not be around toxic people. You don't want your daughter to see them disrespecting you. Shell learn to do the same thing.
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ms-superwoman
by on May. 6, 2012 at 6:44 AM
3 moms liked this
This. Just because someone is blood doesn't make them "family". Family and love can come from anyone. Most of my friends and family are not blood. I don't speak to 90% ig my blood family.

Quoting animebuddy:

It is better to not be around toxic people. You don't want your daughter to see them disrespecting you. Shell learn to do the same thing.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momofpreemieboy
by on May. 6, 2012 at 6:54 AM

Iwalked away from family my xs and mine do to toxic family Me and my children thrived with out the he11 they all put me through.So hon if you feel like they are toxic walk away it is better for your Baby. Children can become sick from toxic people.

LCLMBSC
by on May. 6, 2012 at 6:56 AM

I also have a toxic family from hell.  My dad was great, but he died 14 years ago (it doesn't seem that long). Same with HIS parents. Since then it's been downhill. GET AWAY!!!  Your kids lose respect for you by seeing you treated disrespectfully...I am paying that price now with my 15yo son. It's been horrible. Between them and his stepfather (who is currently in jail for attempted murder - he has PTSD from war and stabbed me after talking crap about me to my son for about 2 months between dr. appts. after a med change) I may as well not exist.  Don't take a chance. I am telling you this based on actual experience. It hurts, but they aren't going to change, EVER!  Lisa

Quoting evajac:

I am conflicted as to what to do with my family. I hate them. They have been so unsupportive and horrible to me since I became a mom 2 years ago, the stories would blow your mind. They do nothing for my daughter, never buy her anything, take her anywhere , etc etc. But they are nice to her when they see her and I know that makes her happy. I have been brought up with my mother saying family only counts and strangers dont care about you, but honestly without moms that I have met over the past 2 years, I think I may have been hospitalized for severe depression, due to the complete loneliness I have felt. We do not speak to my soon to be ex family (and I am separated because he is abusive and I threw him out) . It looks like my daughter will be an only child because I am an older mom, and I want her to have people who love her around. The truth is its impossible to not love her, she is the sweetest, most precious little angel. I think she feels the stress I feel when around my toxic family because she seems to cling to me and not feel comfortable when I am feeling stressed by things they say to me (they think she doesnt understand when they are insulting me or saying terrible things but she understands everything and is very verbal).

With my ex's family, story is a little different- they have been horrible to me and him always--- never acknowledged our engagement, send horrible emails saying they cant wait for us to get a divorce, send highly insulting prejudice emails to me and say everyone can say their opinion and how dare I be insulted,exclude me from invitations to family showers, etc-- all because we have had drama because he has been very abusive. Here again, I want my daughter to have family, but is it reasonable for me to have her see them when they dont even acknowledge me as a person let alone family?

So my question is...is it healthier for her to see them so she is in contact with family and people who can love her, or is it better for her to not be around people who are so toxic to her mother?


evajac
by on May. 6, 2012 at 9:39 AM

Thank you so much for your very insightful replies. I thought that would be the reaction. It is confusing though because my family tells me I am crazy, shouldnt have such a thin skin, have nerve to expect things, am a horrible person, etc, and so my reality is so different than theirs. I just dont want to take away family from my daughter. I agree that family does not need to be blood, but I meet lots of nice moms, and we do little playdates, but at the end of the day, everyone goes home to their families, do you kno what I mean? We get together because ood for the kids, but they are with their families on weekends, evenings, holidays , any free time etc. and my daughter and I are alone. So its nice to say that friends can be family, but its not like it feels that way. They are also busy with their own children and lives and I dont blame them. I also dont want my daughter to resent me later in life and say she doesnt have family because of me, because that is my family's "view". If I object to their behavior or have certain rules for her that they dont respect, they say I am separating the family from her. For instance my sister was going to "watch " her (3rd time since she was born over 2 years ago, we live close and I beg her to visit to which sssshe replies not to bother her) and I asked a few things, like not to text or speak on cell if she drives her and not to take her far away since my sister has never ever used a carseat before and my daughter is not used to her so may want to come home. She texted my ex to tell me to "shove my directions up my a.s".... and again didnt see her niece.






AJ05
by on May. 6, 2012 at 1:51 PM

 I always say, just because you share the same blood as somebody does NOT make them family. I have a lot of family members who I don't consider to be family. I don't talk to them & want zero to do with them. But on the other hand, I am lucky to have people who are of no blood relation to me, but are my family. They are supportive & accepting & I know if I ever needed anything, THEY would  be there for me in a flash!

happymommy1105
by Gold Member on May. 6, 2012 at 3:10 PM
I walked away from my family just a few weeks ago because of their poor choices.

They adore my son but are horrible to me. In addition, they have been choosing drinking inexecess in front of my child. Which I will not tolerate.

They made their choices and I made mine. I'm sad that my son wont have them because I think family is important. But I am glad that he will have a healthier without alcohol and drugs.
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deltathree
by Gold Member on May. 6, 2012 at 4:13 PM

My fam is very toxic.  I hardly have any contact whatsoever. 

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