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he pops up out of nowhere and wants custody?! wtf!?

Posted by on May. 27, 2012 at 10:42 AM
  • 31 Replies
Aedan's dad contacted me. Finally. For the first time since I told him I was pregnant. And he wants involvement. Ok, fine. Drive the 132 miles to meet him. He wants 51/49 custody... um, wtf? Hell to the no, I don't think so. Just so he can be on his deers? I don't think it works that way. He can take that idea and shove it, he wants custody he can lawyer up. He didn't even contact me once thru pregnancy or this 5 months, not until he got the results from the dna test ONLY because I sent the state after him, which I only did because I needed medicaid and they require it. I offered him an out, we really don't need him or his money, so he can give up rights and be on his way, I could care less. But I don't want my son hurt in all this, so he better make up his mind. I'd rather he not know him than be hurt by him. So many things in my head, I'm stressing bad.
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by on May. 27, 2012 at 10:42 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Gina_C
by on May. 27, 2012 at 10:49 AM
My DS's dad never contacted me the whole time I was pregnant either, or the 18 months since his birth. We go to court on the 5th for cs and I know he got served papers back in March and he STILL never contacted us. And your scenario is the one thing that SCARES me to death. I know that no judge is his/her right mind would give custody to a "parent" who has had no involvement, but Munson is my whole entire world. AND his father now lives in a different state. I don't even want him to be able to take him for a weekend out of state. Ugh. I feel for you, I really. Keep us updated too. Curious to see how it all plays out and what the courts would say. Good luck :)
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Gina_C
by on May. 27, 2012 at 10:50 AM
*my son lol, not munson. Stupid autocorrect


Quoting Gina_C:

My DS's dad never contacted me the whole time I was pregnant either, or the 18 months since his birth. We go to court on the 5th for cs and I know he got served papers back in March and he STILL never contacted us. And your scenario is the one thing that SCARES me to death. I know that no judge is his/her right mind would give custody to a "parent" who has had no involvement, but Munson is my whole entire world. AND his father now lives in a different state. I don't even want him to be able to take him for a weekend out of state. Ugh. I feel for you, I really. Keep us updated too. Curious to see how it all plays out and what the courts would say. Good luck :)

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ZeeRo
by on May. 27, 2012 at 10:56 AM
2 moms liked this

Get legal advice as soon as possible. I'm going to play Devil's advocate here.

It may well be that he's had a genuine change of heart and wants to spend time bonding with his child. If this IS the case and you prevent it, the child will find out eventually and resent you for it. However, under no circumstances would I agree to shared custody. Visitation rights, yes. Custody, no. He's shown no interest thus far, this man has to prove his dedication first. Also, since he doesn't even know the child yet, I'd say that overnight stays are out for the time being.

Have an agreement drawn up, what you think is fair. Make sure that he sticks to it. Document every visit. If he screws up, his loss. If it's a success, your child gets a Daddy.

andyroosmama
by on May. 27, 2012 at 11:13 AM
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 Ugh... Andrew's dad never contacted me thru the pregnancy, and we have one older child that he has no rights to also... he had no contact with Andrew the first 4 yrs and then wanted to sign his rights away... I didn't agree, dna test and 6 weeks later, we were in court for cs and custody... On the bright side, you will more than likely have primary and he have posterior(secondary). No judge will grant him what he wants unless he can prove you unfit... If your DS is under 3yrs old, check into the visitation laws... in TX, if the child is 3yrs old or younger, the ncp cannot have unsupervised or overnight visits... and check into visitation by agreement only... which is the only legal way to not give visits... but remember whatever stipulations you put in for the visitation agreement will go both ways. Good Luck!

mama_grizz
by on May. 27, 2012 at 11:15 AM
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I'm planning to contact legal advice (jag, I'm reserves and it's a perk). Luckily overnights aren't going to happen, he's breastfed and it's protected here. I'm knowing he just wants it to get more money from the army. There's no way he could think I'll just let him take my son from me.
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Robsessed98
by on May. 27, 2012 at 1:31 PM

Totally agree.  If he has had a change of heart, I think he should be given a chance to be a dad.

Quoting ZeeRo:

Get legal advice as soon as possible. I'm going to play Devil's advocate here.

It may well be that he's had a genuine change of heart and wants to spend time bonding with his child. If this IS the case and you prevent it, the child will find out eventually and resent you for it. However, under no circumstances would I agree to shared custody. Visitation rights, yes. Custody, no. He's shown no interest thus far, this man has to prove his dedication first. Also, since he doesn't even know the child yet, I'd say that overnight stays are out for the time being.

Have an agreement drawn up, what you think is fair. Make sure that he sticks to it. Document every visit. If he screws up, his loss. If it's a success, your child gets a Daddy.


Livinwith3boys
by on May. 27, 2012 at 1:33 PM

You do need him, your son needs his father...Also, he needs his father's health insurance, and financial support as well..like it or not that is his father, and he deserves as much right to the baby as you do!!! Good for him for wanting to be a part of his life!

mama_grizz
by on May. 27, 2012 at 1:35 PM
Definitely giving him a chance. I'm just going to go slow, he just called and its trying to do things out of court. He sounded drunk.
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mama_grizz
by on May. 27, 2012 at 1:37 PM
I'd be more inclined to agree with you if he'd done anything in the entire year since I told him I'm pregnant.


Quoting Livinwith3boys:

You do need him, your son needs his father...Also, he needs his father's health insurance, and financial support as well..like it or not that is his father, and he deserves as much right to the baby as you do!!! Good for him for wanting to be a part of his life!


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happymommy1105
by Gold Member on May. 27, 2012 at 1:38 PM
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You need to get rid of your anger towards this man.so you can make the best choices for your child.

He doesn't need custody to put the child in deers. All he needs is the paternity test results, which he has.

Second, maybe he really does want to see his son. Which you need to open up to. A court won't care that he wasn't around for the pregnancy, nor will a court care that you are angry with him. The court only cares that he is showing an interest and he should be allowed to see his son.

You need to open up to the fact that his father may very well be apart of his life and that's a very positive thing!!
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