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Depressed and Scared (Long)

Posted by on May. 27, 2012 at 4:38 PM
  • 22 Replies

I'm going to be a single mom, obviously. My baby is due at the end of June. My ex and I broke up and I wound up having to get a two year restraining order against him, and he's already violated it, as well as the state possibly taking his parental rights away. Those aren't the things that I'm worried about. It's much better that me and him are not together, and it would be much better for the baby if he is not involved. I'm worried about the fact that I'm only 23. I haven't finished college yet, but I hope to. I moved back in with my parents so that they could help me. My mom doesn't want me to work right now, and where I'm at, legally nobody can hire you until after six weeks after you give birth. I feel incredibly guilty that my parents are having to help me pay for things. I also worry that my friends won't have anything to do with me because I do have a baby. I've already lost a friend because she was angry that I'm pregnant. Wasn't too much of a loss though. I also worry that I'll like never be able to date again. I'm not the kind of person who really goes out and parties and hangs out and stuff like that, so that isn't an issue. I just worry that any man or woman that I'm attracted to or attempt to pursue will be completely turned off or disgusted that I have a child. I feel like when I walk down the street, people are judging me and thinking I'm disgusting because I am only 23 and having a baby. It definitely was not the right time to have a baby. This baby was not planned, hell, by the time I found out that I was pregnant, I was six months along. I just worry that I won't be able to still be myself with a child. I'm creative, funny, and a genuinely unique person, and I worry that I'll change into a different person when I have my baby. I also have mental illness (depression, bipolar disorder, obsessive compulisive disorder, borderline personality disorder...) I had these issues long before I was pregnant. Becasue of my ex, I wasn't able to get any prenatal care until about a month ago. My GP had told me to stop taking my anti-depressant. And it has been really rough. Some days, I'll be really excited about having a baby, and then other days, I truly despise the idea of me having a baby. And I feel really guilty about the way that I feel. Does anybody else ever feel this way? My moods go up and down constantly. Are these legitimate things that others worry about, or am I just going completely crazy?

by on May. 27, 2012 at 4:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
DixieL
by on May. 27, 2012 at 5:16 PM

I think the hormones are making you feel the way you feel about your baby. There is nothing wrong with having a baby at your age,especailly since you have been married. I know you feel bad about how much your parents are helping you, but be grateful that they love you that much. We all think we know what love is until we have a baby.Then you realize you didn't know how much you can love. That baby is someone you will love with our of your heart unconditionally for the rest of your life. After you have your baby and can get a job after the six weeks finish college and I'm sure your parents will watch him or her. Then when you have your job hopefully you will have insurance and you can get help with your problems. One day when you least expect it Mr. Right will come along and will except you and your baby. I'm very sorry for what you had to go through. Good Luck to you and your baby

EmoRaRa
by on May. 27, 2012 at 5:23 PM

Thanks for the advice. My ex and I were actually never married. We were jsut boyfriend and girldriend, we had plans to get married, but there was alot that went into my decision to not do that (extreme abuse). Yeah I'm glad that I have parents that are truly supportive and I think you're right about the hormones. Some days I have an overwhelming love for my unborn child and then other times it's just like urgh. lol.

brieri
by Platinum Member on May. 27, 2012 at 5:28 PM

 GP told you to stop taking your meds, on what grounds?  Have you thought about adoption.  You won't be a bad person if you feel you can't take care of the child alone. 

bxmom2580
by on May. 27, 2012 at 6:01 PM
Adoption is not a cure all, she has support, things may seem bleak now, but they will straighten out, just bc someone is scared about haveing a baby, doesnt mean they should give it up, we all are mothers here and everyone of us has been scared/nervous/anxious about haveing a child


Quoting brieri:

 GP told you to stop taking your meds, on what grounds?  Have you thought about adoption.  You won't be a bad person if you feel you can't take care of the child alone. 


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LifeCafe42
by Nora on May. 27, 2012 at 7:57 PM
It's never the right time but you do have options and adoption isn't a bad one if you don't feel you can do it. We are here and I would talk to someone about different meds a happy mom is a better mom
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michiganmom5150
by on May. 27, 2012 at 8:12 PM
23 is not crazy young! I was 24 and had been married for 3 years. You sound as if you have a good support system, and besides being off your meds, hormones will make you go through the emotions like crazy. It will be ok. Just hang in there. Good luck mama!
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EmoRaRa
by on May. 27, 2012 at 8:29 PM

I was thinking about adoption when I first found out that I was pregnant, but my ex created a huge fuss about it and told me that he was going to fight me, and then my family said that they would fight to stop the adoption, so at the time I was kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place. But even now, I really don't think that I could give the baby up for adoption. I have an amazing support system and I have a plan to be able to take care of my child on my own, and I'm not worried about doing it alone, becasue of where I do have a support system, it's just I guess I worry about me and my child not being loved and accepted by somebody else, if that makes sense. And I'm not looking to get into a relationship right now. It's just something that I kinda worry about. My GP is kind of an idiot when it comes to psychology, I was surprised when he gave me the prescription for the anti-depressant, usually he would have sent me to a psychologist. He assumed I was just going to be able to start getting prenatal care, and my ex had actually applied for government support in my name, and the insurance that I'm on, doesn't cover me being pregnant and I was trying to apply for medicaid, and I just got it like a month ago.  I'm relatively happy, I think it's all just overwhelming with wanting to go back to school and things like that (I've looked into an online university) and after I give birth, I am definitely going to get back on my medication. I've been on medication for years, and I've tried several times to go off it, and it just doesn't work, I get right back to where I was, and I want to be a good mom for my baby. Thanks for the support.

mommy_2_be_2010
by Silver Member on May. 27, 2012 at 8:34 PM
Bump
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Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on May. 27, 2012 at 11:31 PM

You can finish schooling with a baby hun.  It is so nice that your family is being so supportive of you.  Have you tried to get on any state assistance like for medical and such?  Good luck to you!

Cpdsptchgrl
by on May. 27, 2012 at 11:55 PM
I think what you're feeling is normal! I didn't get to finish my 4 year degree because of DD's dad being a dead beat. I have one if the higher paying jobs in the area and no degree was needed. I also lived with my parents and I saved and saved until I had enough earnest money to bid on the house I now own. As far as men...I've NEVER had a problem with men wanting to date me and I'm head over heels in love right now. I have 3 pieces of advice.

1. It will be hard for a little while but it won't always be that way. Your life may not end up as you planned or wanted but it can still be good.

2. Don't rush into anything relationship wise. Being alone is not a bad thing. And really we have to learn how to be happy and comfortable alone before we can truly be happy and comfortable with another.

3. When you DO start getting involved keep the guy away from your precious baby! I made the mistake of not doing it and my oldest DD was crushed! It is SO hard for the kids. I've also seen men settle for the mom they aren't really happy with because they fell in love with the child. There will be plenty of time to introduce him to your LO. Take your time and be certain it is real and lasting before you involve the LO.
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