Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

Now he wants to be "friends"?! Seriously?!

Posted by on Jun. 2, 2012 at 4:48 PM
  • 33 Replies

My newborn's dad contacted me about a week before I gave birth and wanted to "apologize" for everything he had done to me, sorry that I had to have this baby alone, blahblahblah.  Once I got out of the hospital from the c-section, I started gettinf texts every day or every couple of days to ask how I am, what I'm up to, if I want to see him, how's Hunter and my other sons, that he's sorry I had to go through surgery alone and it must've been terrifying, he wants to make everything up to me when he sees me, yadda yadda yadda.  Stuff I've heard before, then once I gave in, he screws me over AGAIN.  

However, this time just seems weird.  I don't know if it's because his son (keep in mind, he begged me to abort this pregnancy in the beginng and we split up because I wouldn't) is finally here, if he's grown up since I've been gone, or what...  He keeps apologizing for doing me wrong and assuring me that I didn't do anything but be a good woman to him and he screwed up.  O.o  Probably a scam...but I just don't know.  He keeps asking to see me, and I keep telling him I don't want to see him if all he wants is sex and then screw me over like all the other times and after some joking, he says he understands and respects that.

What do you think?  Should I see him...if nothing more than to introduce him to his son?  Try to be friends with him?  What would you do?   

 CafeMom Tickers  CafeMom Tickers

by on Jun. 2, 2012 at 4:48 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Gina_C
by on Jun. 2, 2012 at 5:01 PM
2 moms liked this
That's a tough one. I think that if anything, he should at least come and meet his son and establish that relationship.

I know I will probably catch hell for this, but I am a firm believer in that people can change. The reason is because I used to be a heroin junkie. And if all everyone saw in me was a junkie, then I would probably still be one. But I was able to change, get clean, and turn my life around. I think everyone makes mistakes and that what trully matters is if we learn from them and don't repeat them. I think you should do what's in your heart. If you believe he could be sincere in what he says then who knows, maybe he has changed. I wish you luck and I hope it works out for you :)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
LOVEiink
by on Jun. 2, 2012 at 5:15 PM
1 mom liked this

Thanks.  I actually really appreciate your response.  I know he doesn't want a relationship, no matter how many times he tells me I'm beautiful, he still cares, and this and that.  He's admitted more than once he doesn't want a commitment to anyone and doesn't feel like settling down.  But I could be friends with him again if he could grow up and be there for his son and be cordial with me without always trying to sleep with me.  :|  I just don't want to take the risk of being friends with him and having him around, just for him to walk out of his son's life again like my twins' dad did to them.  :(

Quoting Gina_C:

That's a tough one. I think that if anything, he should at least come and meet his son and establish that relationship.

I know I will probably catch hell for this, but I am a firm believer in that people can change. The reason is because I used to be a heroin junkie. And if all everyone saw in me was a junkie, then I would probably still be one. But I was able to change, get clean, and turn my life around. I think everyone makes mistakes and that what trully matters is if we learn from them and don't repeat them. I think you should do what's in your heart. If you believe he could be sincere in what he says then who knows, maybe he has changed. I wish you luck and I hope it works out for you :)


 CafeMom Tickers  CafeMom Tickers

Gina_C
by on Jun. 2, 2012 at 5:27 PM
Its hard being a mom lol. I second guess every decision I make, is it the right one, is it what's best for Wyatt, is it going to end up hurting him... I feel like I am constantly on the edge of an anxiety attack between him, work, the house, court with his father next week. And he's only 18 months old. I don't know how our parents did it lol. We have this overwhelming need to protect our babies but I feel we have to balance it with not letting them miss out on something important. And a relationship with his father is important. So I think to be fair to your son, you should at least let your ex have a chance, for your son's sake, not his, to build a relationship. If he decides to go to court, then you wouldn't have a choice. At least this way you can do it on your own terms.


Quoting LOVEiink:

Thanks.  I actually really appreciate your response.  I know he doesn't want a relationship, no matter how many times he tells me I'm beautiful, he still cares, and this and that.  He's admitted more than once he doesn't want a commitment to anyone and doesn't feel like settling down.  But I could be friends with him again if he could grow up and be there for his son and be cordial with me without always trying to sleep with me.  :|  I just don't want to take the risk of being friends with him and having him around, just for him to walk out of his son's life again like my twins' dad did to them.  :(

Quoting Gina_C:

That's a tough one. I think that if anything, he should at least come and meet his son and establish that relationship.



I know I will probably catch hell for this, but I am a firm believer in that people can change. The reason is because I used to be a heroin junkie. And if all everyone saw in me was a junkie, then I would probably still be one. But I was able to change, get clean, and turn my life around. I think everyone makes mistakes and that what trully matters is if we learn from them and don't repeat them. I think you should do what's in your heart. If you believe he could be sincere in what he says then who knows, maybe he has changed. I wish you luck and I hope it works out for you :)



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
LOVEiink
by on Jun. 2, 2012 at 5:41 PM

Yea, it is really difficult being a mom...especially a single mom!  I've been nice to him through text messages and explained politely (but firm) that I don't want a physical relationship with him because I know it wouldn't be serious, and he did say he understood.  Doesn't mean he won't try...but I mean, we were in a relationship before.  But that was about 6-7 months ago, so it's not that appealing anymore.  

I'm sure at least a meeting with him won't hurt.  He could very well fall head over heels in love with his son and want to be a big part of his life, which is something I would love considering the twins' dad is wanting to start making an effort for them now.  I'll just keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best.

Oh...and congratulations on breaking your addiction!  :)

Quoting Gina_C:

Its hard being a mom lol. I second guess every decision I make, is it the right one, is it what's best for Wyatt, is it going to end up hurting him... I feel like I am constantly on the edge of an anxiety attack between him, work, the house, court with his father next week. And he's only 18 months old. I don't know how our parents did it lol. We have this overwhelming need to protect our babies but I feel we have to balance it with not letting them miss out on something important. And a relationship with his father is important. So I think to be fair to your son, you should at least let your ex have a chance, for your son's sake, not his, to build a relationship. If he decides to go to court, then you wouldn't have a choice. At least this way you can do it on your own terms.


Quoting LOVEiink:

Thanks.  I actually really appreciate your response.  I know he doesn't want a relationship, no matter how many times he tells me I'm beautiful, he still cares, and this and that.  He's admitted more than once he doesn't want a commitment to anyone and doesn't feel like settling down.  But I could be friends with him again if he could grow up and be there for his son and be cordial with me without always trying to sleep with me.  :|  I just don't want to take the risk of being friends with him and having him around, just for him to walk out of his son's life again like my twins' dad did to them.  :(

Quoting Gina_C:

That's a tough one. I think that if anything, he should at least come and meet his son and establish that relationship.



I know I will probably catch hell for this, but I am a firm believer in that people can change. The reason is because I used to be a heroin junkie. And if all everyone saw in me was a junkie, then I would probably still be one. But I was able to change, get clean, and turn my life around. I think everyone makes mistakes and that what trully matters is if we learn from them and don't repeat them. I think you should do what's in your heart. If you believe he could be sincere in what he says then who knows, maybe he has changed. I wish you luck and I hope it works out for you :)




 CafeMom Tickers  CafeMom Tickers

Gina_C
by on Jun. 2, 2012 at 6:24 PM
Aww thank you! And yes, you never know, he could end up being an amazing dad. Which would be a win-win for everyone. I wish you and your kids the best :)


Quoting LOVEiink:

Yea, it is really difficult being a mom...especially a single mom!  I've been nice to him through text messages and explained politely (but firm) that I don't want a physical relationship with him because I know it wouldn't be serious, and he did say he understood.  Doesn't mean he won't try...but I mean, we were in a relationship before.  But that was about 6-7 months ago, so it's not that appealing anymore.  

I'm sure at least a meeting with him won't hurt.  He could very well fall head over heels in love with his son and want to be a big part of his life, which is something I would love considering the twins' dad is wanting to start making an effort for them now.  I'll just keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best.

Oh...and congratulations on breaking your addiction!  :)

Quoting Gina_C:

Its hard being a mom lol. I second guess every decision I make, is it the right one, is it what's best for Wyatt, is it going to end up hurting him... I feel like I am constantly on the edge of an anxiety attack between him, work, the house, court with his father next week. And he's only 18 months old. I don't know how our parents did it lol. We have this overwhelming need to protect our babies but I feel we have to balance it with not letting them miss out on something important. And a relationship with his father is important. So I think to be fair to your son, you should at least let your ex have a chance, for your son's sake, not his, to build a relationship. If he decides to go to court, then you wouldn't have a choice. At least this way you can do it on your own terms.





Quoting LOVEiink:

Thanks.  I actually really appreciate your response.  I know he doesn't want a relationship, no matter how many times he tells me I'm beautiful, he still cares, and this and that.  He's admitted more than once he doesn't want a commitment to anyone and doesn't feel like settling down.  But I could be friends with him again if he could grow up and be there for his son and be cordial with me without always trying to sleep with me.  :|  I just don't want to take the risk of being friends with him and having him around, just for him to walk out of his son's life again like my twins' dad did to them.  :(

Quoting Gina_C:

That's a tough one. I think that if anything, he should at least come and meet his son and establish that relationship.





I know I will probably catch hell for this, but I am a firm believer in that people can change. The reason is because I used to be a heroin junkie. And if all everyone saw in me was a junkie, then I would probably still be one. But I was able to change, get clean, and turn my life around. I think everyone makes mistakes and that what trully matters is if we learn from them and don't repeat them. I think you should do what's in your heart. If you believe he could be sincere in what he says then who knows, maybe he has changed. I wish you luck and I hope it works out for you :)






Posted on CafeMom Mobile
callmecrazynow
by on Jun. 2, 2012 at 6:35 PM
2 moms liked this

take care of you. he may have found the grass isnt greener on the other side. what do you want. if you see him to introduce him to his son. remember why you are not together.  some men do change, some dont but you wont know until you give him that chance. but do you want him, can you forgive him. can you handle being around him. he hurt you, telling you to abort the baby,maybe he got scared, maybe just a jerk. can you forgive. can you forget.  only you can decide what is best for you and the baby. just dont jump in. dont put on blinders. watch for the red flags.  but if you decide to give him a chance. then give him a real chance. if you cant do that then dont put yourself through any of the drama and pain that comes with it. good luck

SinceresMomma
by on Jun. 2, 2012 at 7:44 PM
1 mom liked this
I think you should just don't fall for everything he says. Just stay civil or friends until or if he proves himself. Stand your ground cuz I know it can be tricky.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
nikki4eva88
by Nikki on Jun. 3, 2012 at 7:22 AM
I think you should give it a shot. DD's father recently started doing the same thing, after 3 years. Hopefully he's not gonna just disappear again.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jun. 3, 2012 at 10:22 AM
1 mom liked this
My sons "father" did the same thing texted every day for a few weeks then it dropped to once in awhile we haven't heard from him in over a year now.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Jeni1124
by on Jun. 3, 2012 at 10:53 AM
1 mom liked this

I wouldn't attempt to be friends with him, but I would attempt to have a healthy co-parenting relationship. Allow him to see the son, get to know him, get support, etc.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)