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BD lives 1000 miles away from Ohio. What are his rights after the baby is born?

Posted by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 10:53 AM
  • 14 Replies

I am currently pregnant with my first. She is due Aug 1st, 2012. I was in a relationship for a few months with a guy who I new had a rocky past, but our common friends swore up and down that he had his shit together. Boy, were they wrong. We started dating in August of last year, but had been acquaintances for about a year beforehand. We were into the bar scene and going out every weekend. He had a few outburts over silly things that never resorted to any violence towards me, just yelling. He did have one outburst where he punched a cement wall and screwed up his hand pretty bad(stupid). Well one night towards the end of October, I met him somewhere after I got off work and he had gotten drunk with a buddy of his. He got in an argument with the bar owner and stormed out of the bar, ripping the front door off the hinges on his way out. He was arrested, because I refused to be the getaway car lol. I ended up bailing him out. He paid me back the following day and I broke up with him. Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant. My first mistake was telling him. I was scared and weak and ended up letting him back in. I was exhausted during my first trimester and he was having issues with his roommates so I let him move out with me to help out around the house. It was great for a while. He was cooking, cleaning, and being supportive. He came to all my appointments and was genuinely excited.  Then he started going out again and getting drunk with friends. He'd go spend a bunch of money at the bar eventhough I was obviously stressed about money and the expenses that were coming with the baby. We went to my bosses house on superbowl Sunday and he drank a 12 pack by himself. His phone died and he asked to used mine. He went through my text messages and found a message (about the weather or something stupid like that) from a guy that I used to talk to. I had never responded to the guy, but that didnt matter. He flew off the handle. We left while he proceeded to scream at me in front of my boss. On the drive home he continued. He picked up my phone, read the message and then threw my phone at me while I was driving. There was a cop right behind me. I pulled over and told him to get out of the car. The cop called for back up and came to talk to me. The next cop to show up took my baby's father towards his car and  tried to calm him down. The police documented everything and I left my baby's father there on the side of the road. I didn't feel safe having him in the car with me. He called me several times that night. At first the messages were angry and he was shouting that he wanted a paternity test before I saw a dime from him. Then, the calls got desperate and he begged for me to not do this to "him", because every girl wants to be a single parent, right? The folllowing day I had a friend come over while he came to get his stuff. I explained to him that I no longer felt safe and he went on for a half hour begging for forgiveness.  I can honestly say that if there was not a child involved I would probably have taken him back, but I have to think  like a mommy now and do whats best for my baby girl. He continued to call and bother me for a few weeks so I changed my phone number. All of my family lived a 1000 miles away, so I gave a months notice at my job and moved home to live with my mother until she is born. It's a struggle. I had an awesome job there and made great money and I just have a part time job here, because physically I cant do a full time nursing job. He's told our common friends that he wants to find for visitation, but I'm praying that he doesnt. The outbursts that I saw have caused me to not trust him with a child. Since I've been home I've tried to dig for dirt and found out what his "rocky" history consisted of. He had 4 domestic violence charges that are around 5 years old. 3 are against his own mother and one and ex-girlfriend. Phew! I dodged that bullet. So, basically I'm hoping he leaves us alone and though I dont want to do it alone, I will for my baby's safety.

I plan on not putting him on the birth certificate so he will have to take me to court to get a paternity test ordered. I'm concerned that he will end up with visitation because I dont know what the rights are in Ohio. It seems to be that if his violent history is documented and he has a record, (I have no record and Im a nurse btw), that a judge would be hesitant to give him any visitation. I've also heard that if it did not occur while the child is alive, that the violence isnt held against him. I also think that he owes court fees from previous driving violations. Any ladies out there know what my rights/fathers rights are?

by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 10:53 AM
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Replies (1-10):
spitfire06
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 10:57 AM
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Tell him that you want 1000 dollars in child support I bet he will shut up. I could be wrong though.
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Tashia07
by Gold Member on Jun. 12, 2012 at 11:47 AM

My son's father lives about 16 hours away.  He has basically the same rights as me, but I have primary custody.  So I have more rights to making decisions for our son.  You have to review the laws of OH. In PA where my son and I live the laws are written in favor of the mother. Let him start the fight, if he wants to be in the baby's life! Good Luck!

spitfire06
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 11:57 AM
Yeah I moved from sd to pa with dd and her bio dad let me...I was super nice about it...but he gets her in the summer for 30 days...this yr then next yr its 60 days =[
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StephMarie_Mom
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 12:05 PM
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My daughter's father isn't on the birth certificate, partly because the law at the time didn't allow a parent to be named if he is not present (which he was not) and partly because I didn't want him on there. My ex and your ex have similar issues. Anyway, I filed for child support a long time ago and they finally caught up to him. He requested the dna test, etc. But will have to pay for the test since they are positive, he's an idiot for that! Lmfao anyway, he's been absent my kid's whold life (she's 4 and a half now) so he falls under the child abandonment law, more or less. He may get supervised visits only if he requests it.

However, in your case if you want him gone for good. Don't put him on the bc, don't request support. Just get off his radar all together.

For me, the past several months have been a pain in the ass! I sometimes wish I never applied for support. We have our first court hearing june 19 and i pray he doesn't show up. I wish I could just back out, but it's too late now.

Good luck!
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Robsessed98
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 12:13 PM

If he goes to court and establishes paternity, he will have the same rights as he would if he lived next door.  Just because his name isn't on the bc doesn't mean he won't have any rights.

Lillybug12
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 12:58 PM

So, even with a record of being violent towards women a judge will force me to give him visitation? I know that this is all my fault becase I slept with him, but that just doesnt seem right. How am I supposed to feel comfortable with that?

Also, who's gonna pay for my baby to fly 1000 miles away to see him? Not this girl...

Bookoholic
by Bronze Member on Jun. 12, 2012 at 1:08 PM
Lol, my bd is in prizon for having sex with two 13 yr olds. But he also has a violent history. I live in WA and based on bd's violent history I got full custody and vistation rights when either him or I take one back to court. So if he got out tomorrow and showed up at my door I could slam the door in his face.
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rebmarie90
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 1:22 PM

In fl the parent who moves is responsible for that. 


Yes, his crimes weren't against a child. Its really tough for parents to not have rights. I totally understand how you feel but I am sorry, unless he abused a child, molested a child, or anything involving a child, chances are he will have some type of visitation. let him go after you. stop talking to mutual friends. he may not even file. let him do it if he wants it. Don't talk to him or anything. If he wants to be apart of the childs life he will be. If you stress out about everytime he claims he going to file then you will always get stressed out and make yourself sick. If he files then he does. If the baby is born in Ohio ( I am not 100% on this) then he will have to file there and find a lawyer there. google the laws for custody and visitation in ohio. 

Quoting Lillybug12:

So, even with a record of being violent towards women a judge will force me to give him visitation? I know that this is all my fault becase I slept with him, but that just doesnt seem right. How am I supposed to feel comfortable with that?

Also, who's gonna pay for my baby to fly 1000 miles away to see him? Not this girl...


sid1083
by Silver Member on Jun. 12, 2012 at 2:35 PM
1 mom liked this

In most cases, he'll have to come to you for visitation (it's not like you can just put any child of any age unaccompanied on a plane). When it comes to support and visitation (mostly the visitation part), you can spell out who is responsible for transportation costs (either split, or all on one or the other).

If you're super concerned, try to see if you're eligible for a low cost lawyer to help answer some of your questions. Better to start before baby gets here though. Good luck.

Quoting Lillybug12:

So, even with a record of being violent towards women a judge will force me to give him visitation? I know that this is all my fault becase I slept with him, but that just doesnt seem right. How am I supposed to feel comfortable with that?

Also, who's gonna pay for my baby to fly 1000 miles away to see him? Not this girl...


deeduhon1
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 3:27 PM
1 mom liked this

I had a friend in a similar situation, only she was married to the abusive fool.  She left, got a restraining order against him, sought legal aid and got sole custody with no visitation.  He was also jailed numerous times for drugs and violence.  It has been 13 yrs. and he has not seen them 1 time.  Good Luck!

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