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father daughter dances.....

Posted by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 11:26 AM
  • 48 Replies
Hey, ladies! Yesterday I hung out with a good friend of mine and went to her sons baseball game for a bit. While we were there, one of the other moms showed up and sat near us so she could talk to my friend. They got to talking about different events coming up for the kids at school, one being a father daughter dance this mom was trying to organized. Well, as it turned out she had to change it to a family dance because some of the single moms on the committee felt it would be exlusive of the girls to the single mommy household. This mom had her panties all in a bunch because she wanted her daughter to be able to go to a father daughter dance, blah blah, cry me a f*ing river. And how the other girls with dads will miss out on a great experience and shit. So after listening for a bit I asked her, "well, did you present it in a different way so that no one feels left out?" And she says, "yeah. We're just gonna have a family dance" and then went on how she felt that was unfair and all this shit. Well, after about 3min of getting annoyed with her mouth I said, "I can understand that you may have wanted the event to be a certain way, but coming from a woman who was raised without a father and who is now, unfortunately, raising a fatherless child events like that can be hurtful and cause a lot of emotional damage. It's bad enough not having that other parent there. And to add to this, my uncle who basically helped raise me and was my father figure just died. So honestly, if someone presented an idea like that to me, I'd say 'hell no'." She got quiet for a minute and then says, "well I can understand...." no she doesn't understand! She's married and had her daddy all her life! I f*ing hate when people say, "I understand" but have never had the experience at hand..... you don't understand until you've experienced it, bitch! Is what I wanted to shout. She was just rude and uppity as fuck! I left the game early. I love my friend dearly, but I don't understand how she can deal with a woman like that.


What are your thoughts on this? If your kid was in elementary, and the pta wanted to put on a father daughter dance, would you be ok with it? Or would you rather have a family dance to ensure everyone can participate?
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by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 11:26 AM
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Replies (1-10):
zmama22
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 11:42 AM
2 moms liked this

my DD's school doesn't do these type of events because of the reasons you listed. She does it through Girl Scouts but she has her stepdad. but if you are doing it at a school you need to include everyone, not just the "traditional" famlies.

StephMarie_Mom
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 11:56 AM
That's exactly how I feel! I suggested to that lady that perhaps they can do a private event, just the families who want to have father daughter dance on their own dime. I was a millisecond away from telling her that there are more single parent households in today's society than in years past. Whether that's a single mama or single dad, it's a higher rate today then even 20yrs ago! Smh some people are clueless

I think it's great that girls scouts still carry those traditional events, etc. Girls need these things in their lives. But a public school isn't exactly the place because it's too diverse with too many different family dynamics. I mean, what about the kid who's lost both parents and are being raised by their grandparents or adult sibling? I have a cousin, she's 9, who's both parents are dead. Her mom died about 5yrs ago (maybe 4) and her dad, my uncle who helped raise me, just died a month ago yesterday! Should she be subjected to shit like that at school because of a mom like her? Hell no!


Quoting zmama22:

my DD's school doesn't do these type of events because of the reasons you listed. She does it through Girl Scouts but she has her stepdad. but if you are doing it at a school you need to include everyone, not just the "traditional" famlies.


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Robsessed98
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 12:16 PM

I'm all for father daughter dances.  My dd had some in grade school.  My dad took her to one and my brother took her to another.

MommyT642
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 12:17 PM
1 mom liked this

I did have a father threwout my childhood, and my kids have their dad too. I can say i understand, but as you say i don't have the complete understanding bc i've never been without one. I think it was rude of her to suggest a "father-daughter" dance without thinking of those daughters without dad's. Not everyone has a traditional family. But i do understand how that would come off offensive and hurtful. I couldn't imagine the hurt girls without dad's would feel bc they wouldn't feel welcome at an event like that being without a father.

Alex5901
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 12:30 PM
1 mom liked this

I'll be honest. When I was in elementary school they had a day called Doughnuts For Dad. It was just an hour or 2 one morning where the dads came in and ate doughnuts and visited with their kids. I must have been 7? I remember how terribly sad I was... I cried, and ate my myself at my desk while everyone elses dads sat with them and ate. I went home and cried and my mom felt so guilty, eventhough it wasn't her fault. I think things like this should be called "family" or "parent" events... not just dad. That would be the best way to avoid situations like that. Sure I would have known that I was different because my mom was there at the event instead of my dad...but it would have been better than being alone.... 

StephMarie_Mom
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 12:33 PM
Thanks for sharing! That's exactly my point! I was very young and we had a similar event at my school, and the same thing happened to me. I went home crying asking my mom why my dad doesnt love me. She felt horrible. events like that don't hurt just the child, they also hurt the parent that is doing all the work


Quoting Alex5901:

I'll be honest. When I was in elementary school they had a day called Doughnuts For Dad. It was just an hour or 2 one morning where the dads came in and ate doughnuts and visited with their kids. I must have been 7? I remember how terribly sad I was... I cried, and ate my myself at my desk while everyone elses dads sat with them and ate. I went home and cried and my mom felt so guilty, eventhough it wasn't her fault. I think things like this should be called "family" or "parent" events... not just dad. That would be the best way to avoid situations like that. Sure I would have known that I was different because my mom was there at the event instead of my dad...but it would have been better than being alone.... 


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StephMarie_Mom
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 12:35 PM
I'm not against father daughter dances. I'm for family events that include whatever family a child has. It's great your daughter was able to go to both events with her dad at one and uncle at another. Sadly, not every one is as fortunate.


Quoting Robsessed98:

I'm all for father daughter dances.  My dd had some in grade school.  My dad took her to one and my brother took her to another.


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StephMarie_Mom
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 1:37 PM
Bump
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rebmarie90
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 1:52 PM

I am all for father daughter dances. If one were presented to me, my dad would step up. 

StephMarie_Mom
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 1:59 PM
That's nice. How do you feel about other kids who don't have male figures in their life to step up? I'm just curious. It seems like people forget about those who do not have (whatever it is they lack in life, a mom, dad, siblings, grandparents, etc...)


Quoting rebmarie90:

I am all for father daughter dances. If one were presented to me, my dad would step up. 


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