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Am I wrong in thinking this way?

Posted by on Jun. 13, 2012 at 1:38 AM
  • 13 Replies
1 mom liked this

 I am going to start this off with an appology. Im not the best at getting my words that are in my head and heart out the right way. LOL My friends joke that I dont speak english I speak(mynickname)ese. If someone needs an interp or says it better ill help! lol ok here goes.......

 

I believe that while your dating (not in the very begining though thats the fun get to know you) that it should be a this is how/could be type thing. This is how I would be if we were married. This is how I would treat you as my husband. This is how life would/could be like with me. I don't date just to date. I date with the possibility of marriage in the whatever future. I feel like I don't have the luxury anymore of just dating for the hell of it. I have a child in the mix now. I have to be careful who I bring into his life.

Ive been married I know what happens. Things change after the I dos and first year (in some cases 2) have come and gone. Things settle down a little bit. If they treat you like "I know I should make an effort but I don't wanna, or I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do your JUST/ONLY the....... (whatever they call you)" after you get to the comfortable stage its just going to get worse IF you get to the marriage stage!

Am I wrong? Could someone put this into normal speak? LOL

please dont get me wrong this is the way I feel about myself. Im not holding anyone else to mine or putting you down if there is another point of view.

juggling Just a single mom living my life for my wonderful son! toddler boy

by on Jun. 13, 2012 at 1:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
happymommy1105
by Gold Member on Jun. 13, 2012 at 1:41 AM
1 mom liked this
I view dating as your try out for marriage. Putting your best foot forward if you will.
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mollymae09
by on Jun. 13, 2012 at 1:44 AM
1 mom liked this
I agree with you. Dating is like an application for marriage.
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mylilgooberpea
by on Jun. 13, 2012 at 1:45 AM

 I agree! I was gonna put a kind of working job interview lol. But try out is better wording! No ones perfect we all have flaws and make mistakes, but when they show things like in my OP when your just dating think of how it would be MARRIED!?!?

Quoting happymommy1105:

I view dating as your try out for marriage. Putting your best foot forward if you will.

 

juggling Just a single mom living my life for my wonderful son! toddler boy

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jun. 13, 2012 at 1:45 AM
I disagree. I date withou expectations and it works better for me. I'm not about to treat a random dude who asked me out, like I would someone who has a commitment to be w me forever.

I now have a relationship. But I was single for 13 years. I had high hopes and expectations the first years I dated but I was let down again, again, and again. Once I no longer expected anything but a fun time, things greatly improved.
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happymommy1105
by Gold Member on Jun. 13, 2012 at 1:51 AM
Personally, I don't. I am at a point where I have no desire to marry, ever, again. I love my bf and he loves me. We are expecting a child together and are building a life.

Due to certain circumstances in our lives the reality is we may have to marry and the thought terrifies me.

A few years ago, when we first started dating, yes I wanted to marry him. But as time went on and we became more and more confident in our relationship, my desire to marry decreased.

I love him. He is an amazing man. But I don't want to marry.


Quoting mylilgooberpea:

 I agree! I was gonna put a kind of working job interview lol. But try out is better wording! No ones perfect we all have flaws and make mistakes, but when they show things like in my OP when your just dating think of how it would be MARRIED!?!?


Quoting happymommy1105:

I view dating as your try out for marriage. Putting your best foot forward if you will.

 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
andyroosmama
by on Jun. 13, 2012 at 1:52 AM

 I prefer to be friends first... get to know them... then if it progresses further, create the application and make sure they know what your expectations are... and then do the "interview"... if nothing progresses, you still have a friend

mylilgooberpea
by on Jun. 13, 2012 at 1:52 AM

 Oh gosh there it is again. LOL this is what I was talking about. Um my dating is the word I use for already in a committed (BF/GF) relationship. When I'm just going out that's my, no expectations-just dinner-see if I like this person enough to enter the dating stage (BF/GF). I'm totally with you on the go have fun see if we click stuff! If some random guy asked me out for a date in my mind it would be go out sometime. Have a coffee, enjoy each others company. LOL

(I actually went though the dating vs going out thing with my last BF giggle) Boy did I have HIM confused! But then he learned myese and relaxed.

Quoting faerie75:

I disagree. I date withou expectations and it works better for me. I'm not about to treat a random dude who asked me out, like I would someone who has a commitment to be w me forever.

I now have a relationship. But I was single for 13 years. I had high hopes and expectations the first years I dated but I was let down again, again, and again. Once I no longer expected anything but a fun time, things greatly improved.

 

mylilgooberpea
by on Jun. 13, 2012 at 1:58 AM

Oh gosh I totally understand. But man just think if he treated you that way in the beginning? Would you want a long term relationship with someone who thinks that way? I'm so happy you've found someone who works for you and your family!! Hope everything goes well no matter what the outcome! :) I loved everything about marriage. Just turned out the Guy didn't and missed the single sailor lifestyle. Getting married scares me too I was actually shaking not from nerves being in front of everyone as the maid of honor..... but the fact that they were saying vows so easily. Thinking do they really know what thoes vowes mean?! Someday..... someday..... maybe.... Ill do it again if the guy is right.

Quoting happymommy1105:

Personally, I don't. I am at a point where I have no desire to marry, ever, again. I love my bf and he loves me. We are expecting a child together and are building a life.

Due to certain circumstances in our lives the reality is we may have to marry and the thought terrifies me.

A few years ago, when we first started dating, yes I wanted to marry him. But as time went on and we became more and more confident in our relationship, my desire to marry decreased.

I love him. He is an amazing man. But I don't want to marry.


Quoting mylilgooberpea:

 I agree! I was gonna put a kind of working job interview lol. But try out is better wording! No ones perfect we all have flaws and make mistakes, but when they show things like in my OP when your just dating think of how it would be MARRIED!?!?


Quoting happymommy1105:

I view dating as your try out for marriage. Putting your best foot forward if you will.

 

 

juggling Just a single mom living my life for my wonderful son! toddler boy

Robsessed98
by on Jun. 13, 2012 at 3:19 AM

This is the way I approached it when I was single for 15 years.

Quoting faerie75:

I disagree. I date withou expectations and it works better for me. I'm not about to treat a random dude who asked me out, like I would someone who has a commitment to be w me forever.

I now have a relationship. But I was single for 13 years. I had high hopes and expectations the first years I dated but I was let down again, again, and again. Once I no longer expected anything but a fun time, things greatly improved.


steviechick
by on Jun. 13, 2012 at 10:56 AM

When we are young - mid 20's we date to find someone to marry.   I know - I did.   We think we marry Mr. Right but then years go by and then we realize slowly but surely that we married the wrong guy.  I know I'm not perfect, but I didn't cause the problems in my divorce.  My ex did. 

Now that I'm older it's a lot harder to feel the same way again about marriage let alone finding someone my age to date.  Guys are set in their life and some just aren't willing to date just one woman or date at all.  I don't understand that concept.  Why spend your life alone?  What is it about not wanting to date even after you've been married?   Not every woman wants to get married again.  I don't.  I'm rambling.........

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