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life after being cheated on

Posted by on Jun. 15, 2012 at 1:18 PM
  • 12 Replies

 My EXH looked like he was cheating on me with another military spouse. How do you learn to trust others after that? Seems I'm always suspicious of every little thing, keeping it to myself because I know the new guy isn't the same as my EX. The current BF used online dating sites before we started dating (that's my version of bf/gf). He told me that hes tried to get zoosk app off his computer but it keeps popping back up. I was on Believe and cant seem to get the emails to stop myself. But this morning I saw zoosk open on his laptop and available (the place where you can be offline or invisible to others for chat) on. He doesnt have his laptop locked and I usually use it to check FB get on here ect. So i wasnt looking for it, it was just there. In my womanly way I looked at it,very unfamiliar with the site, doesn't look like any new chats were going on he did have other women looking at his profile last month. Says hes not very popular on the meter thing. I'm goingto bring it up to him tonight. I wish the EX didn't cheat on me! This is making my new relationships hard to trust! Has anyone used Zoosk? Is the random popping back up and open normal?

juggling Just a single mom living my life for my wonderful son! toddler boy

by on Jun. 15, 2012 at 1:18 PM
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by Gold Member on Jun. 15, 2012 at 1:54 PM

I've never tried online dating, so I'm not familiar with Zoosk.  I'd be feeling a lot like you are.... unsure, etc.

Good luck.

by on Jun. 15, 2012 at 1:59 PM

I'm not one to try on-line dating sites, too.  I just feel bizzare talking with a total stranger and then hooking up with him later on.  Heard a lot of bad things about and I wouldn't go near that site.  A friend told me about  I wish I had more gumption to venture to that site but I just can't muster enough energy nor do I feel comfortable doing so. 

I hope you can figure out this Zoosk thing.  I know nothing about it.

by on Jun. 15, 2012 at 3:14 PM
I didnt meet him through online dating..... I dont like the stranger thing either.
by on Jun. 15, 2012 at 5:21 PM


by Mia on Jun. 15, 2012 at 6:45 PM
I dunno. But trust your gut and don't make excuses for suspicious behavior.
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by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 12:03 AM
I say trust your gut
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by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 4:18 AM

Quoting Mia1983:

I dunno. But trust your gut and don't make excuses for suspicious behavior.

by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 7:11 AM

Ok a little weird advice but bring up again hey remember how you said u couldn't get zoosk off your computer I asked a friend about it and they gave me some tips. Let me remove it. (Remeber this is to remove the zoosk/dating app not to be nosy in the computer.)  I'm not sure if your tech savvy but if you are remove the dumb thing. If you're not before you even have this conversation look it up.. Trust me asking a direct question into a google search and a few helpful sites should pop up give you great step by step directions on how to remove ALL the little junk. Cause yes a few years ago I downloaded that stuff and even though I deleted It, it seemed like something would always ask for permission to update something (why read what it say I can't see my cafemom messages!) So of course I just click yes and that stupid zoosk crap what was back.

Then after a what month long waiting period check the laptop again. You'll get your answer.

by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 7:38 AM

And to the main topic life after cheating. I've been there I've been there. I'm pretty sure I've ruined potentially great relationship by becoming insecure and plain old crazy. Investigating every move my boyfriend made. I treated them like they already cheated.. They usually left..

I had a great epiphany one day I would give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I wouldn't panic unless concrete proof was in front of me. (I'm not talking about denial "oh those hickies could have been from the tail pipe").. But this new philosophy took a lot of courage and praying on my part and a lot of blind faith. But it the last 5 years I have been in 7 relationships. I started each relationship fresh (Even though once I heard very negative things from an ex-girlfriend.. And before that would have made my warning bells go off. Either this girl is so crazy in love with him she's going to stalk him he's going to fall back in love with her and his going to cheat on me. Or the other version this girl is really nice and she's just concerned for me he's a bastard he's going to cheat on me! Starting that mudslide of feelings of anger bitterness and insecurities.) But I thanked her for telling me and told her currently he has done nothing wrong to me, I am still going to date him. We were together for 6 months and he wanted to party and go out more often (with me) than to spend family time with me and my son. We broke up on those principles alone. We are still great friends and hang out when I can actually get a night away from my kids.

There was a relationship I had with "steven" I gave him the benefit of the doubt and he screwed me nines ways from Sunday. Cheated on me when I was pregnant, and after I had the baby. I found all this stuff out 1 month after giving birth. When his "girlfriend" came to my house looking for him. Since he told her he owned the house and I was his roommate. By the grace of god he was lucky both my kids were there or I would have done something really bad.

So 8 months after the "steven" incident. I started talking to an old high school friend. We casually date and yes I have every right after being cheated on again after giving "steven" the benefit of the doubt, to be anxious and always waiting for the other shoe to drop. But I am trying my best to have faith. And I will continue to give "travis" the benefit of the doubt.

I know you are not like me and I am not like you. The woman down the street is not like us either. Every woman is different, and every man is different.

And the RAMBLE is over!! WOW

by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 9:13 AM
Its normal to feel insecure aftet what u have been through. With the new bf you need to explain this so he can to understand, the lines if communication need to stay open or it will build up inside u. Good luck this is why I stay single I dont want to blame someone else for my exes dirty deeds. I have to feel secure in myself before I move on.
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