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Message from ex's gf on FB about kid's meeting up?

Posted by on Jun. 17, 2012 at 7:36 PM
  • 59 Replies

 

Poll

Question: What would you do?

Options:

Take him to meet up in a public place

Take him only if she comes alone

Don't take him at all

Other


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Total Votes: 31

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So I just got a message on FB from my ex's gf asking me if I still wanted the kids to meet up. We had talked about it in the past back when her daughter was 1st born in August of 2010 but since her daughter was a preemie (25 weeks) we decided it would be best to wait until she became stronger.

Her daughter will be turning 2 in August and my son turned 7 back in January. The issue though is my ex. He absolutely hates me like can't stand the sight of me, whenever he sees me (which is about every 6 months or so or when I happen to see him around town)

The last time I saw him was about a week or so ago when I went to the library. He asked me if I had dropped/taken my son out of school yet. For some reason, he thinks that I would just take my son out of school for no reason whatsoever.

Anyways, I haven't replied back to the message and I doubt that I will. Not because I don't want them to meet up but because I don't want to have to deal with her. I can't gaurantee that she'll come alone with her daughter and I don't want to risk the chance of her coming with him.

Besides that I don't even know if she was the one who wrote the message anyways. It could have been him on her FB page? What would you do?

by on Jun. 17, 2012 at 7:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
brieri
by Platinum Member on Jun. 18, 2012 at 12:09 AM

ICan you call her?

hellokittyy
by on Jun. 18, 2012 at 12:11 AM
Very weird you get along with gf and not him.

Why not just tell her you don't wanna see him
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Robsessed98
by on Jun. 18, 2012 at 1:14 AM
5 moms liked this

I'd let them meet.  I think it's important for kids to know their siblings.  How the ex feels about you or you him is totally irrelevant.  I think it's big of the gf to even ask you if they could meet.

amandaleigh97
by on Jun. 18, 2012 at 1:30 AM

I am also the first baby momma(for lack of better terms) in this scenario. And my ex's new girlfriend is very very very jealous because I left him and moved across the country so contact between us scares her. She has nothing to be worried about I have no interest in him otherwise I'd go after it lol. ANYWAYS...I come from divorced parents and my mom would always trash talk my dad and his girlfriends while my dad NEVER said a bad word about her(at least not in front of us). I would give him a shot and ask for supervised visits. When I went to court the judge initally told my ex no visitation but I asked to have it allowed as long as he agreed to my terms. He isn't dangerous or violent. But he does have drug charges and is a bit sensitive/dramatic. Well 20 years after us my dad began having children again. My mother and I have a strained relationship from her trying to keep us away from him or feel guilty for wanting to see him. My dad and I however are extremely close. I spend most of my time with my siblings who are 7,5, and 3. My son is 1 so he's right in their age group and loves their company as well. When it came to making the decision to allow visitation or not I thought about how it would feel to have never gotten to know my siblings because my mom didn't want a relationship with us and our father. She pretended often to be worried for our safety and would publicly announce it. But my dad has never even spanked me, as a matter of fact I can count on one hand how many times hes even raised his voice to me. My mother however.....she was old fashioned irish and we got LOTS of whippings. I cannot imagine having missed out on watch my siblings grow up because of my parents issues. It literally brought me to tears just trying to imagine it. My mom was not happy and cussed me out for ever offering it. My dad told me he was proud of me. I set up terms that would allow for me to be there at all times so that if I felt my son was being treated differently then his sister, or his dad or gf was bashing me and putting him in the situation I grew up in I could immediately remove us from it! And it is once a month to begin. So that my son can become familiar with him but not become dependant on him in such a prominent role as father incase he has a change of heart, or his gf does, or I find out he's doing drugs, or they are making my son uncomfortable. That way if we didn't see him ever again his absence wouldn't be noticed. Like an aunt or uncle you see every few months or so. He had to agree to me deciding if and when I would allow him alone time. I also asked for his gf to be present if he brought his daughter because I don't want either of them or me to feel like the other is stepping on toes and trying to take over the others role as mother. If we build it up the kids will have a chance to become familiar with two moms in the room. Mostly I would say follow your gut but remember if you decide to keep him from his father or sibling the only person truly hurt is your son because he is missing out on essential and such amazing possible relationships. Expect the worst hope for the best! Good luck. Whew sorry that was lengthy!

Jeckyls-mommy
by on Jun. 18, 2012 at 3:00 AM
1 mom liked this
I think you should let them meet. I wish my boy got to see his half brother more. Just let her know ur not comfortable with him bein there
SexyDiva19
by Alexis on Jun. 18, 2012 at 3:17 AM

I have no problem with him, he has a problem with me and who I'm dating or who I'm sleeping with, etc. t's never about my son. Case in point: Back in January he wanted to see my son. Wanted to take him out by himself. I said no because we don't have a court order for custody but agreed to go along.

We get to the playplace and my son is playing. What is my ex doing? Questioning me about who I'm sleeping with, gets mad when I won't answer his question and knocks my phone out of my hand and onto the floor.

If he was SO concerned about his son, he would have spent that time with him instead of harassing me. After leaving the play place we went to the movies. We were the only 3 there. He kept trying to touch me and I didn't like it and kept telling him to stop, he wouldn't so I moved seats. He gets mad again and tries to snatch my phone again, this time twisting it so that the screen cracked. I want nothing to do with him. For him it's about ME not my son.

Quoting hellokittyy:

Very weird you get along with gf and not him.

Why not just tell her you don't wanna see him


SexyDiva19
by Alexis on Jun. 18, 2012 at 3:18 AM

No, I don't have her number 

Quoting brieri:

ICan you call her?


SexyDiva19
by Alexis on Jun. 18, 2012 at 3:20 AM

Well I had approached her on FB about it when her daughter was 1st born but we (she and I) decided it would be est to wait seeing as that she was premature and had/has a lot of medical issues. At 2 years old she's still on oxygen at night. She has come a long way though from when she was 1st born (pics) and now.

Quoting Robsessed98:

I'd let them meet.  I think it's important for kids to know their siblings.  How the ex feels about you or you him is totally irrelevant.  I think it's big of the gf to even ask you if they could meet.


SexyDiva19
by Alexis on Jun. 18, 2012 at 3:29 AM

I'm the 1st mother of 3. My son is 7, her daughter is 2, and then he has another son who is 5. I've never met her or her son though. My ex is violent and agressive. Never towards my son though only towards me. I've had 5 different restraining orders against him. I thought by now he would have changed seeing at that it's 7 1/2 years and at his age (he's 26) he ought to know better but I guess not.

Neither of us have the money to go to court for custody and I have been told by the court counsel, do not allow my son to be with him alone because if he takes him there is nothing they can do.

I would love for my son to have a father/son relationship like the daughter/father relationship I had with my dad. I won't risk losing my son though over something petty as me not getting back with him though. So in the end my son may get hurt but when he's old enough he'll understand that I did it for him

Quoting amandaleigh97:

I am also the first baby momma(for lack of better terms) in this scenario. And my ex's new girlfriend is very very very jealous because I left him and moved across the country so contact between us scares her. She has nothing to be worried about I have no interest in him otherwise I'd go after it lol. ANYWAYS...I come from divorced parents and my mom would always trash talk my dad and his girlfriends while my dad NEVER said a bad word about her(at least not in front of us). I would give him a shot and ask for supervised visits. When I went to court the judge initally told my ex no visitation but I asked to have it allowed as long as he agreed to my terms. He isn't dangerous or violent. But he does have drug charges and is a bit sensitive/dramatic. Well 20 years after us my dad began having children again. My mother and I have a strained relationship from her trying to keep us away from him or feel guilty for wanting to see him. My dad and I however are extremely close. I spend most of my time with my siblings who are 7,5, and 3. My son is 1 so he's right in their age group and loves their company as well. When it came to making the decision to allow visitation or not I thought about how it would feel to have never gotten to know my siblings because my mom didn't want a relationship with us and our father. She pretended often to be worried for our safety and would publicly announce it. But my dad has never even spanked me, as a matter of fact I can count on one hand how many times hes even raised his voice to me. My mother however.....she was old fashioned irish and we got LOTS of whippings. I cannot imagine having missed out on watch my siblings grow up because of my parents issues. It literally brought me to tears just trying to imagine it. My mom was not happy and cussed me out for ever offering it. My dad told me he was proud of me. I set up terms that would allow for me to be there at all times so that if I felt my son was being treated differently then his sister, or his dad or gf was bashing me and putting him in the situation I grew up in I could immediately remove us from it! And it is once a month to begin. So that my son can become familiar with him but not become dependant on him in such a prominent role as father incase he has a change of heart, or his gf does, or I find out he's doing drugs, or they are making my son uncomfortable. That way if we didn't see him ever again his absence wouldn't be noticed. Like an aunt or uncle you see every few months or so. He had to agree to me deciding if and when I would allow him alone time. I also asked for his gf to be present if he brought his daughter because I don't want either of them or me to feel like the other is stepping on toes and trying to take over the others role as mother. If we build it up the kids will have a chance to become familiar with two moms in the room. Mostly I would say follow your gut but remember if you decide to keep him from his father or sibling the only person truly hurt is your son because he is missing out on essential and such amazing possible relationships. Expect the worst hope for the best! Good luck. Whew sorry that was lengthy!


MsLogansMommy
by on Jun. 18, 2012 at 3:33 AM
1 mom liked this

speaking from an adult who has a half sister that I didnt get to meet/know until we were adults I would say dont keep the kids apart I wish I had a chance to know my sister growing up she is awesome i love her but we definitely lack the close bond that I have with my other sister who I did grow up with, in fact me and my other sister knew about her and we tried to find her back when we were little (it was before the internet had really caught on so the best we could do was call information for the city that I thought she lived in). Those kids deserve to have a relationship so if there is any possible way you can assist in making that happen thats great ur son will thank you later

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