contemplating on leaving him

[elisat85]

I'm new, I'm a mother of 2 boys 21 month old & 7 month old, their father and I have been together 3.5 years. Long story short he's always been bad tempered and hates that he has to come home and help out with his sons, is always complaining how tired he is, but yet he is obsessed with working out and getting muscular...he's on his phone googling tips how and even met a trainer at his job willing to train him free. Like I said he comes home and complains he even has to lift a finger, yet change a diaper.
I'm a stay at home mom with my own home daycare, so I'm home all day with the boys + many more kids + make dinner, clean the house, & maintain my daycare tasks . Only a mother can imagine how much work that is...men dont know. I've been thru so much b.s with him n I'm honestly only still with him for my sons. But even that is not good enough now because he comes home and instntly wants to put our sons to sleep, just so he can watch tv uninterrupted. The days he goes to the gym straight after work he goes for 2 hrs , he comes home, sits on the toilet for half hour (no exaggeration) , showers, eats n watches tv n wants to go to bed without considering how tired I am or willing to help me with the boys. There are days I can't shower because he complains if i leave him alone with them for 20 minutes.
I told him if he doesn't want to be here he can go, I know he dreads having to come home. In public he loves to claim he's a great father but we argue all the time because I express to him how much I need his help and it goes unheard . He simply just ignores me now. I joined this aite tonight hoping for single moms advice and support. Thanks in advance ---- Elisa

[LifeCafe42]

You need to do what's best for you and your kids

[Demandatory]

Is he on steroids? Seriously? A couple comments were
Sure symptoms of
A user

[elisat85]

No he use to make jokes about using but I wouldn't allow him to. He's just on protein and vitamins and other supplements he purchases at vitamin shoppe. What are signs of a user?

[KeriAZ]

One sign is his family jewels shriviling up. Does he blow up like raging? Thats two signs.

[SookieRose]

do what makes you happy mama. goodluck ((HUGS))

[Ris_n_Es_momma]

Some men! I would just hand things off to him. Go shower, do what you have to. He is their father. And if he refues to help, talk to him about it. If it still doesn't sink in, sounds like you can hold your own :) move out or tell him to go. Either he wants a family or not. No sense in dealing with the stress of kids working and a home and to top it off a pain in the ass of a man. You may rest better with him gone. Flip side, men go thru crap too. It sounds like your relationship is relatively new and already two kids is a lot. Do you ever get couple time? Maybe he is going through emotional stress too. Men handle it differently. Only you will know what's truly changed and may be the root of the problem

[SourRoses]

tell him to step up or hes gone and stick to your guns. you sound like an amazing hard working mom who loves her kids and wants whats best for them. whats the point to having their father around if hes really not  "around". his head isn't in the game and you deserve better. I don't know what it would be like to walk in your shoes but i would hope to be strong and courageous to get ride of whats not working. first give him a chance to step up; tell him straight out if you are not going to help me or invest more in the relationship, i want you gone. if he chooses to leave that's your sign he wasn't meant to be. you sound so level headed and accomplished with your daycare, it will be hard at first if he decided to bail, but i sense you are strong enough to take on that responsibility. besides, you are already doing it alone anyway, and your doing a damn good job.

[elisat85]

Thank u ladies , I leave him with them at times because Yes he is their father so he shpukd deal with being alone with them too. The thing is he will run out of patience when the lil one starts to cry, he claims he's tried many times to calm him down but I know he doesn't try as much as he knows he should. It's he's for me to know my boys are crying when u leave them with their father. He wove step it up. No all we do is spend time together everyday and wknd....but with 2 boys and his 7 yr old daughter he has joint custody of on wknds we get no time for us. We're at his parents house every wknd ALL wknd, he doesn't take time to make plans for us, hes getting to be kore into himself. I know what I have to do but I don't want my boys to not know their father. We've seperated before for 2 months when my oldest was only 7 months, he hardly saw him and main reason we got back together was because I found out i was pregnant.

[steviechick]

It sounds as though your SO is too much into his own wants and needs.  He doesn't even realize that he's not being a father to his own kids.  What a huge loss for them.  I would try and talk to him about what's going on.  Leave the house for a while and have a sit-down with your SO without anyone around so you can truly talk to him.  Find out what he wants out of the relationship but definately tell him that you need his help and for him to step-up and be a dad.  You have done an amazing job as a mother, running a business and truly taking care of everything.  It's not fair for you to have to take care of the kids while your SO is with you.  You and your SO need to take time to be together.  That's important in any relationship - even with kids.  It also sounds as though your SO needs to start prioritizing what is important in his life.  Working out is one thing but being a father to all of his kids is another.  I wish you luck!

[sarahmiamaria]

Remember to consider if you leave whether you will have to put your kids in daycare to support your family without him. He Sounds insecure with all muscle stuff. Have you tried thanking him and showing him appreciation for him mostly supporting your family? Men handle things differently then women. Good luck !