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Email from BD, need input!

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I don't know if you remember my crazy story, and constant battle with BD, but here it is in a nutshell:

He went back to his ex wife and hes been back and forth during this entire pregnancy. one day he wants to come back and make things work and have our family together. Then he moves back out and we go through this whole cycle again. But whenever he has left he starts sending me texts saying how hes going to take full custody of my son from me after hes born and "allow me visitation". also threats of saying hes going to lie and say im an unfit mother in order to make that happen. So anyway, I kind of cut off contact and now today hes trying i guess to be civil? But now it seems like he has an alterior motive and is trying to be sneaky by telling me to sign something? Please read and give input of how you think I should proceed or what hes up to:

This is from BD this morning:

"Neither of us is in a legal position to do anything, even after Lucas is born. As long as you are 100% sure Lucas is mine (and I am not saying that to be mean and I am not trying to fish for any info) we would have to sign a parental acknowledgment form. Witnessed and notarized. You may already know this and that's why you have eluded from telling me the birthdate. There is slim time frame after he is born to get this done. We can, however, do it sooner. I have to pick ip the form or have it mailes  there is no PDF i can sownload. Investigate and let me know if you want to do this. I have no problem and it benefits you greatly. Only problem it poses is that my name will be listed on the birth certificate and I can challenge the last name."

I feel like he is pretending to be nice and civil now, but trying to ge tme to agree to do something just for his benefit. He has done nothing but lie, manipulate and deceive up until this point and I feel I need to protect myself, and would like input on what his angle is here and how to proceed.


Thank you ladies :)

by on Jun. 25, 2012 at 11:19 AM
Replies (61-70):
Livinwith3boys
by on Jun. 26, 2012 at 12:25 PM

Sweetheart...I NEVER said the baby should have his last name...I said the FATHERS NAME should be ON the child's birth cert. She didn't EARN the right to be a mom, he doesn't have to EARN the right to be a dad!

Quoting MissNarin:

I have to disagree with this .. just because the baby is his does not give him the right for baby to have his last name .. I feel like its a privilege & if you can't act like a father nor support the woman carrying your child, she has the right to give baby her last name, especially if she's doing this alone !


Quoting Livinwith3boys:

he wants his name to be on HIS child's birth certificate...he has that right!!! Also, it will make getting child support easier for you!!! Also, you can't believe what a jerk he turned out ot be when he CHEATED on his wife and is RUINING that family???? please grow up before you have this baby!!



Jeni1124
by on Jun. 26, 2012 at 12:28 PM

Ignore him. You don't have to do that. Put whatever you want on the birth certificate, you chose the name. If he won't sign then oh well, but that doesn't change your child's DNA!

MissNarin
by on Jun. 26, 2012 at 12:34 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry I READ IT WRONG .. nonetheless if she doesn't want him on that birth certificate, it is still her right ! She's going to this pregnancy ALONE with his threats & etc ! What gives you the right to tell her to grow up before having this baby ? You nor I have NO clue what she's going through but I'm sure it's hard enough to be pregnant & steadily be threatened by your ex ..


Quoting Livinwith3boys:

Sweetheart...I NEVER said the baby should have his last name...I said the FATHERS NAME should be ON the child's birth cert. She didn't EARN the right to be a mom, he doesn't have to EARN the right to be a dad!

Quoting MissNarin:

I have to disagree with this .. just because the baby is his does not give him the right for baby to have his last name .. I feel like its a privilege & if you can't act like a father nor support the woman carrying your child, she has the right to give baby her last name, especially if she's doing this alone !





Quoting Livinwith3boys:

he wants his name to be on HIS child's birth certificate...he has that right!!! Also, it will make getting child support easier for you!!! Also, you can't believe what a jerk he turned out ot be when he CHEATED on his wife and is RUINING that family???? please grow up before you have this baby!!





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Alex5901
by on Jun. 26, 2012 at 1:16 PM

Livinwith3boys-  I know you may not understand where I am coming from as I only reveal bits here and there. But my actions and thought process are solely centered on protecting my child. This isn't some spiteful, bitter type of action where I'm trying to teach him a lesson by doing things, or by not doing what he tells me to. But BD has not been a part of this pregnancy. He only pops in to threaten me and be malicious. Countless emails he would end with, "Hope this ruins your weekend!" or "hope this ruins your summer!". How I deal with him and react to him is based on his history of this behavior. A lot of his motives are selfishly centered around money. It has nothing to do with my baby himself. BD said he wont even do joint custody because then he might still have to pay child support and hes not gonna do it. What he doesnt realize is that the cost of raising a child is more than child support would typically cover anyway. Basically he doesnt want to "share". He stated that joint anything isnt going to work, hes going to take him from me fully. That is in no way working together to parent, so that is why I no longer oblige him and volunteer  to do things for his benefit.

am03
by on Jun. 26, 2012 at 6:07 PM
It's called a recognition of parentage. If you are unmarried, the father and mother both sign this stating he is the bio dad. It benefits you because when you go for child support he can't put up much of a fight denying the child and just makes it that much easier for you( there have been cases where a man signs, DNA proves he's not the father and he still is legally the father and has to pay CS) but yes, gives him the rights to protest the last name in court but doesnt mean a judge would ok it. As far as his taking your baby, hun don't even worry! If your breastfeeding it will never happen! You could be a total train wreck on drugs and even then Courts still favor moms. I know from personal experience w/DSS. I would just tell this loser to shove it!
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am03
by on Jun. 26, 2012 at 6:12 PM
1 mom liked this
I believe your the one who will carry this baby for 9mos and give birth, so the "dad/sperm donor" should have little to no say what last name the baby has! If you were together, that's a different story...but your not and from the sounds of things he prob hasn't helped much during the pregnancy? Good luck!
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am03
by on Jun. 26, 2012 at 6:16 PM
One more thing...sorry to rant on...don't believe him when he says he pays 34 a mo in CS! Guarantee its s hell of a lot more. He is obviously afraid to pay. My x is the same way!
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Refurbished
by on Jun. 26, 2012 at 6:39 PM

I've been to court over and over with my ex.  My ex made all those threats too.  He sued me for custody twice.  He's filed contempt several time.  Every single time he has lost. 

Keep your cool.  Always be civil, especially in e-mails.  Don't write anything in an e-mail that you wouldn't want read in court.  Don't forget any of his threats.  Even when he's being nice, know that he's looking out for his best interest, not yours.  Protect yourself at all times.  Don't sign ANYTHING unless you have a lawyer look at it first.  If you can't afford a lawyer, try a legal aid clinic. 

If you aren't married, you will automatically have custody.  In order for him to obtain visitation rights, paternity will need to be established first. 

AerickMomi_MrsD
by on Jun. 26, 2012 at 6:47 PM
Don't listen to that. Contact your lawyer and talk to them.. thet will tell u how much you will get in chid support.

Quoting Alex5901:

exactly? why right now? why so urgent? thats what i didnt get. and why such anger when i said no not right now. is there something going on that i dont know about? i dont trust him. Also, i dont think im even going to file for child support. it  doesnt seem like it would be worth it. He said "i only pay $34 a week for my other child, so you would get even less than that so ha".... really just seems like it would be pointless

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DomsMom8207
by on Jun. 27, 2012 at 1:17 PM
Don't sign anything!!
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