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how do you ladies feel about this response to my previous post on my bd cheating the cs system ?

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Quoting kateue:

As a woman I find it very irritating when other women complain about child support. It makes me wonder why you had a child that you could not support on your own from the start. Life is full of unexpected circumstances that put us all in a tough spot at times like death of a supporting parent and etc. What I do not understand is why the father always made out to be the bad guy. Here is a thought.. let's say we lived in a country where the mother does not just have the automatic right to the child and the father had custody, would you be able to fork out the amount of money you are asking for and still be able to live your life and pay the necessary bills to keep yourself afloat? Most likely not, due to poor planning. So before you bash your "baby daddy" for being irresponsible maybe you need a step back and reevaluate your lack of obtaining a job to support the family you willingly started.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jun. 26, 2012 at 2:20 PM
Replies (11-20):
rae021
by on Jun. 26, 2012 at 3:03 PM
I understand that. But again he is by no means struggling. He is choosing this path. He is fully employed providing for his first daughter and a step daughter, and leaving behind my daughter. He had the option to be there physically for her as her daddy and I wouldn't find it NEC to have cs bc he'd ne doing the best he could. He chose the other path. So Yup I want to nail him for hurting my baby. She will one day say... Dad why didnt u want me... And wanted them? And no one prepares to do it alone unless you go to the sperm bank. And no abortion is not an option in my eyes.


Quoting Robsessed98:

While I totally disagree with the way it was worded, she does have a point.  There are men out there who simply cannot afford to pay support, yet we damn them.  If they had custody, would we be able to pay??  I like to think yes, but for the unemployed I doubt it.


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rae021
by on Jun. 26, 2012 at 3:13 PM
2 moms liked this
Again this is a single moms forum... I believe a majority of us here lack fathers that lack responsibilty, finacially, emtionally and physically to our children. Bc if my daughter had am active father, a responsible man that saw her, interacted with he and so I would not consider myself a single parent. But again like I said if... I do it alone 24/7 and make sacrafices that he'd never dream of making therefore I am a single mother with a beautiful dd that has a dead beat father and the crt system was built to protect and ensure our children get what the are deserved not to spoil the mother.


Quoting kateue:

I am not saying that a father should not be held accountable for his part in the child. You guys lump all father's together and think they are low life's who should be in jail, etc. Ya there are some father's out there who are low life's but then there are the father's who actually take care of and pay for their children. Do what is best for the children and know that there are 2 sides to every story. When going to court it isn't about you and the father, it is about the children. A lot of mom's forget about the children because they are so caught up in being vindictive with the children's dad. I just simply wanted to get the point accross that we cannot keep blaming "baby daddy's" for the lack of money some mothers have. I'm sure there are plenty of cases that say otherwise.


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Robsessed98
by on Jun. 26, 2012 at 3:16 PM

If he is supporting his othr children but not yours, then by all means go through the courts and get what your child has coming!

Quoting rae021:

I understand that. But again he is by no means struggling. He is choosing this path. He is fully employed providing for his first daughter and a step daughter, and leaving behind my daughter. He had the option to be there physically for her as her daddy and I wouldn't find it NEC to have cs bc he'd ne doing the best he could. He chose the other path. So Yup I want to nail him for hurting my baby. She will one day say... Dad why didnt u want me... And wanted them? And no one prepares to do it alone unless you go to the sperm bank. And no abortion is not an option in my eyes.


Quoting Robsessed98:

While I totally disagree with the way it was worded, she does have a point.  There are men out there who simply cannot afford to pay support, yet we damn them.  If they had custody, would we be able to pay??  I like to think yes, but for the unemployed I doubt it.



steviechick
by on Jun. 26, 2012 at 3:28 PM
2 moms liked this


Quoting kateue:

I am not saying that a father should not be held accountable for his part in the child. You guys lump all father's together and think they are low life's who should be in jail, etc. Ya there are some father's out there who are low life's but then there are the father's who actually take care of and pay for their children. Do what is best for the children and know that there are 2 sides to every story. When going to court it isn't about you and the father, it is about the children. A lot of mom's forget about the children because they are so caught up in being vindictive with the children's dad. I just simply wanted to get the point accross that we cannot keep blaming "baby daddy's" for the lack of money some mothers have. I'm sure there are plenty of cases that say otherwise.


You are going off point here.  The OP stated that she was trying to get help from the baby daddy.  Help as in financial support.  Of course there are factors that the baby daddy does pay cs for his kids.  But, that is it.  They have no other contact with their own children.  They think that all their jobs is to provide financially for their kids.  The lack that some mothers have shouldn't be put on them.  I've read where the baby daddy only provides a small lump sum of money for their kids.  Lump sum as in $50/month.  That barely covers two weeks of gas.  Just how is a mother suppose to properly take care of their child when all they get is this measely sum?  The father should be half-way financially responsible for their kids.  I'm sure in some cases there are two sides to every story.  But, 9 times out of 10 the baby daddy is a financial deadbeat. 

mommaJewels2011
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2012 at 3:48 PM
1 mom liked this
I do think there's a lot of bitter women here who want to use money to get back at their childrens fathers. BUT children are expensive and it should never just be one person's responsibility. Even if a man is unemployed why can't he watch the children while we work and share his food stamps a lot of unemployed people are eligible for? Most fathers walk away from responsibility. It's a sad truth they feel when the relationship with us end the responsibility to the children end too. If I was ahorrible enough mother that he had DD I would pay up no matter what! It's for the child.
But honestly my DD's father doesn't make much so I waited a year for him to get a better job before asking for CS. I still feel horribly awful asking for help when I've been supporting my daughter fine completely alone.
O gosh, this got long. Sorry ladies :-)
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kateue
by on Jun. 26, 2012 at 4:07 PM
1 mom liked this

"9 out of 10 times the father is a deadbeat" that comment truely saddens me.

Charlotte1608
by Lottie on Jun. 26, 2012 at 4:26 PM
^^^ That is the reality for most of us women here!!
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Gina_C
by on Jun. 26, 2012 at 4:38 PM
2 moms liked this
I did/do everything I am supposed to do yet I still struggle day to day. I finished college and got my degree. I have a job with excellent benefits, including private healthcare that I pay for. I pay for daycare, I pay for rent, I pay the utilities, I pay for diapers and clothes and groceries. I do it all on my own. I in no way agree that a woman shouldn't have a baby is she can't support that child on her own. Get real. That's like giving men a free pass to go out and do whatever the hell they please without any responsibilities. That kind of backwards thinking really just pisses me off. You obviously must be perfect and have never made any mistakes in your life. Get off your soapbox
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sallij
by Member on Jun. 26, 2012 at 4:53 PM
Because I chose to have a child with an active, involved father does not exclude me from being a single mother. Having an involved father is not a magic potion. I still worry about bills, childcare, etc


Quoting rae021:

Again this is a single moms forum... I believe a majority of us here lack fathers that lack responsibilty, finacially, emtionally and physically to our children. Bc if my daughter had am active father, a responsible man that saw her, interacted with he and so I would not consider myself a single parent. But again like I said if... I do it alone 24/7 and make sacrafices that he'd never dream of making therefore I am a single mother with a beautiful dd that has a dead beat father and the crt system was built to protect and ensure our children get what the are deserved not to spoil the mother.




Quoting kateue:

I am not saying that a father should not be held accountable for his part in the child. You guys lump all father's together and think they are low life's who should be in jail, etc. Ya there are some father's out there who are low life's but then there are the father's who actually take care of and pay for their children. Do what is best for the children and know that there are 2 sides to every story. When going to court it isn't about you and the father, it is about the children. A lot of mom's forget about the children because they are so caught up in being vindictive with the children's dad. I just simply wanted to get the point accross that we cannot keep blaming "baby daddy's" for the lack of money some mothers have. I'm sure there are plenty of cases that say otherwise.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
kateue
by on Jun. 26, 2012 at 5:03 PM
1 mom liked this

I am extremely confused. I never said women should be responsible for raising their own children. I simply stated how sometimes I get irritated when I feel irresponsible women(not all women in ANY way) bitch about child support. Definition of an irresponsible woman: didn't graduate high school, has three different baby daddy's and bitches she has no money. THERE. THAT IS IT??? This turned in to a bunch of bitter single mothers attacking because they are obviously not happy with their lives. So obviously putting my little two cents in ruined your whole damn day and I apologize. We obviously are on two entirely different pages so this will have to end now. I truly wish everyone good luck and I hope you all get what you deserve, with the exception of the people that fall into the category I mentioned get a clue.

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