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My son's father has a baby due July 2nd. This is his...8th child. We do not get along and have resorted to going to court for our problems. I seriously don't like him. He never pays child support and I need it. We are starting visitation on July 7th and he says he will get my child support when he has "his stuff together". How would he afford his newest child? He can't even pay for my son. If you resorted to talking to the PA and going through programs to get your child support, and he was eventually put in jail or more financial strain, would you feel bad for his new child? He will probably have his child everyday, since he's with his girlfriend and I think that he would put that child first before my son. I don't think my son deserves to be 2nd.

by on Jun. 27, 2012 at 6:42 AM
Replies (51-60):
Misha1204
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 6:32 AM
I said the same thing.

Quoting LifeCafe42:

wow he needs a vasectomy
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heathermarie23
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 6:37 AM
2 moms liked this

imo there is more to being a daddy than paying support....  I don't get child support but my kids spend plenty of time with their dad, and I'm ok with that.  I'd rather him be involved in their lives than him be in jail because he can't come up with the money.  All you can do is do the best you can.

Delila12
by Bronze Member on Jun. 28, 2012 at 7:51 AM
1 mom liked this
You can't tell what type of father a man is based off of whether or not he was married to the mom. There's married men (aka my dad) who are deadbeats as well. And seeing as this is a single mom's group, and im assuming that you're a single mom as well, or have at least read enough posts, you should have enough intelligence to know better then to post this response.

To answer op, I think you should just keep doing what you're doing. You can't make him be a father. You can only hope he does better in the future. I personally wouldn't put ds's father in jail. But I have a fear of ds growing up and blaming me for his father's absence.


Quoting BonneVie:

What baffles me is seeing so many women who get pregnant by a guy who has other kids out of wed-lock and then expect him to be a stand up guy for them and the kid. Really? Why makes bed partner number 964 and illigitimate child number 5 so special? What is wrong with a society where this is the norm? I don't live in that World. Where I come from we get married then have babies. If you get knocked up before marriage, you damn well get married. Maybe it is a class distiction issue? I dunno...but it bothers me.
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BonneVie
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 9:14 AM
Intelligence is what makes me question the morals of society...one where young women sleep around with scummy men as part normal exsistance. In my entire 35 years, I have never ever seen all this "baby daddy" talk and "my child has 11 half siblings" and "oh, I want to stay at home on my azz so I think I will collect entitlements" bullcrap. Except on Maury, which I thought was satirycal but apparently was not.

Some women here say some of these men should get snipped but what about the women. I mean one baby with a deadbeat is maybe an accident, but 2 or 3 with multiple deadbeats they know little or nothing about? Thats a bit, well, I won't say the word but you get the drift.

Quoting Delila12:

You can't tell what type of father a man is based off of whether or not he was married to the mom. There's married men (aka my dad) who are deadbeats as well. And seeing as this is a single mom's group, and im assuming that you're a single mom as well, or have at least read enough posts, you should have enough intelligence to know better then to post this response.



To answer op, I think you should just keep doing what you're doing. You can't make him be a father. You can only hope he does better in the future. I personally wouldn't put ds's father in jail. But I have a fear of ds growing up and blaming me for his father's absence.


Quoting BonneVie:

What baffles me is seeing so many women who get pregnant by a guy who has other kids out of wed-lock and then expect him to be a stand up guy for them and the kid. Really? Why makes bed partner number 964 and illigitimate child number 5 so special? What is wrong with a society where this is the norm? I don't live in that World. Where I come from we get married then have babies. If you get knocked up before marriage, you damn well get married. Maybe it is a class distiction issue? I dunno...but it bothers me.


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PhoenixG
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 9:53 AM

No, I would not feel bad. I would make sure you sign up to get support throught the system and not rely on him to pay when he "get his stuff together". That's not fair to you or your son.

Traceyssel
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 10:18 AM


Quoting PhoenixG:

No, I would not feel bad. I would make sure you sign up to get support throught the system and not rely on him to pay when he "get his stuff together". That's not fair to you or your son.

He is court ordered to pay. He was also found "unwilling to pay" by the judge but he has no consequence for it. The judge says when he CONTINUES to not pay, then there will be a consquence, but over the last year I've only gotten $80

Delila12
by Bronze Member on Jun. 28, 2012 at 11:24 AM
I'm not making excuses for these women, but you don't know what type of father a man is going to be. Some assholes make food father's, some good men make horrible ones. And plus, you're in a single mom's group. I do agree that having a lot of children by the same type of man (deadbeats) is sad. But that just means that the female doesn't know her own worth, not she's an idiot and should never have children. Also, you have to keep in mind the age of these women. And they've always been around. It's not new. But my point is, getting married does not change anything. You can have a women with ten baby daddies, and a recently divorced women with ten kids by the same father, and they could both be in the same situation, dealing with a deadbeat.

Quoting BonneVie:

Intelligence is what makes me question the morals of society...one where young women sleep around with scummy men as part normal exsistance. In my entire 35 years, I have never ever seen all this "baby daddy" talk and "my child has 11 half siblings" and "oh, I want to stay at home on my azz so I think I will collect entitlements" bullcrap. Except on Maury, which I thought was satirycal but apparently was not.

Some women here say some of these men should get snipped but what about the women. I mean one baby with a deadbeat is maybe an accident, but 2 or 3 with multiple deadbeats they know little or nothing about? Thats a bit, well, I won't say the word but you get the drift.


Quoting Delila12:

You can't tell what type of father a man is based off of whether or not he was married to the mom. There's married men (aka my dad) who are deadbeats as well. And seeing as this is a single mom's group, and im assuming that you're a single mom as well, or have at least read enough posts, you should have enough intelligence to know better then to post this response.



To answer op, I think you should just keep doing what you're doing. You can't make him be a father. You can only hope he does better in the future. I personally wouldn't put ds's father in jail. But I have a fear of ds growing up and blaming me for his father's absence.


Quoting BonneVie:

What baffles me is seeing so many women who get pregnant by a guy who has other kids out of wed-lock and then expect him to be a stand up guy for them and the kid. Really? Why makes bed partner number 964 and illigitimate child number 5 so special? What is wrong with a society where this is the norm? I don't live in that World. Where I come from we get married then have babies. If you get knocked up before marriage, you damn well get married. Maybe it is a class distiction issue? I dunno...but it bothers me.



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elliesmum06
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 2:00 PM

Ok, well if I had known some guy was arrested for beating pregnant women up you bet your ass I'd stay as far away from him as possible. 

Quoting Traceyssel:


Quoting elliesmum06:

Then why did you sleep with him in the first place?

Quoting Traceyssel:

Sorry, I don't want to marry a guy because I get pregnant and to a guy who has domestic battery charges against his pregnant girlfriend. I'd rather marry for love.


really? this is a single mom's group. you're going to ask that?


Mia1983
by Mia on Jun. 28, 2012 at 2:21 PM
Good luck getting anything substantial from a deadbeat with eight kids. Do you know how many cases he already has? Your child should not be second, but shouldn't be first, either.
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faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jun. 28, 2012 at 6:15 PM
I'd open a case but id never depend on him. And I agree w some of Bonnie actually. I feel for women who end up w more than one kid from a loser but at some point you have to learn something. I do feel for women who dot know their worth but after up have a couple kids, they should be focused on IMO.
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