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Hi, I'm new here and need some advice on this one!

Posted by on Jun. 30, 2012 at 9:46 PM
  • 29 Replies

Hey so a little background, I filed the divorce paper work almost 3 months ago, I filed a protective order and was granted it on grounds of domestic abuse. So last Thursday I went to court for the hearing that would make my temporary protective order more permenant. When I got there we had to sit for like an hour before ours was heard. exdh went in to say everything that he could to make me appear mentally unstable, I had all the backing I needed to defend my self and in the end it was granted in my favor. He ended up sinking himself with just a few simple statements. Thats not my problem, the problem that I have is one of our mutal friends went with him, and he wasn't there just for moral support. He was there to testify against me on something that he wasn't there for, I know that he was being a good friend to exdh but the problem is that I'm really close to his wife. So when she sent me a message on face book asking about everything I sent her back a message that simply just stated that since her dh had decided to pick sides that we couldn't be friends for a little while until the divorce was final, that I understood if she didn't want to be friends any longer that was fine that I was sorry for the way that everything turned out but her dh drew a thick and very permenant line. I told her that them doing things with exdh was fine and I could care less but when her dh sits in court waiting to testify against me with something he didn't see and wasn't a part of then that was it. And I won't stand for that, I haven't asked anyone to pick sides, all I've said is just tell the truth. She never responded back but that is her way, she runs from things when they get hard and turns her back on people at the drop of a hat. And then the day after I sent that message one of my other friends received a message from exdh saying: I would advise you break contact with me if you want to remain friends with me. She got a 5 month protective order so im kicked out till November now. What it boils down to is if you are not completely with her then she will write you off. Take care of yourself. He is slandering me, I never said that I was writing the other friend off just that for the time being she couldn't be friends with me because of her dh! I hate that divorce means losing friends that your close to. ugh!!! vent over now

by on Jun. 30, 2012 at 9:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
GreenK
by on Jun. 30, 2012 at 10:30 PM

So what advice are you looking for?

Sariah747
by on Jun. 30, 2012 at 10:50 PM

Just any way to handle what he is doing, any way to be able to let my friends know that I won't just walk away like he is saying that I am going to. Or any way to be able to handle it better my self, I'm really struggling that he is still trying to isolate me even after a protective order and everything else.

Quoting GreenK:

So what advice are you looking for?


GreenK
by on Jun. 30, 2012 at 10:52 PM

If I were you, I'd avoid all the drama.  You made your point well with your friend, but don't take it further and feed the drama.  Those who will stand with you will do so.  Those won't ... well, now you know.

Quoting Sariah747:

Just any way to handle what he is doing, any way to be able to let my friends know that I won't just walk away like he is saying that I am going to. Or any way to be able to handle it better my self, I'm really struggling that he is still trying to isolate me even after a protective order and everything else.

Quoting GreenK:

So what advice are you looking for?



Sariah747
by on Jun. 30, 2012 at 11:02 PM

Your right, I don't need the added stress right now. He is going to do what he is going to do and honestly hopefully my friends will be able to see him for who he is, and will see me for me.

Quoting GreenK:

If I were you, I'd avoid all the drama.  You made your point well with your friend, but don't take it further and feed the drama.  Those who will stand with you will do so.  Those won't ... well, now you know.

Quoting Sariah747:

Just any way to handle what he is doing, any way to be able to let my friends know that I won't just walk away like he is saying that I am going to. Or any way to be able to handle it better my self, I'm really struggling that he is still trying to isolate me even after a protective order and everything else.

Quoting GreenK:

So what advice are you looking for?




Jeni1124
by on Jun. 30, 2012 at 11:31 PM

I told our mutual friends that I won't ask anyone to pick sides, but if anyone feels the need to pick his side and cut contact with me I understand and will have no hard feelings. A few people did drop me and thats fine.

I'd just really watch how you respond to everyone and everything. You may end up in the position where someone leads you to believe they have your back while they are in cahoots with him.

Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Jun. 30, 2012 at 11:49 PM
1 mom liked this
Wow sorry go hear. Good luck and welcome!!!
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Sariah747
by on Jun. 30, 2012 at 11:51 PM

That is the same thing that I told our friends, along with just then telling the truth if they got called into court. He is trying to make me out to be an unfit mom who is mentally unstable

Quoting Jeni1124:

I told our mutual friends that I won't ask anyone to pick sides, but if anyone feels the need to pick his side and cut contact with me I understand and will have no hard feelings. A few people did drop me and thats fine.

I'd just really watch how you respond to everyone and everything. You may end up in the position where someone leads you to believe they have your back while they are in cahoots with him.


greencompass
by on Jul. 1, 2012 at 12:44 AM

My advice, stay calm, seek couseling if you haven't, stay away from the drama and keep in close contact with your family.  I lost many friends during my divorce, it's normal.  This is a great test, only your true friends will stay.  I know it's nice to have "friends".  They are not friends if they are stirring trouble.  Stay positive, take care of yourself and your children.  Best wishes my dear!

BonneVie
by on Jul. 1, 2012 at 12:47 AM
Have your attorney write a cease and desist for slander/liabel.
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Sariah747
by on Jul. 1, 2012 at 1:05 AM

I don't have an attorney, so far I've done everything pro se.

Quoting BonneVie:

Have your attorney write a cease and desist for slander/liabel.


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