So basically....I feel like this should be the happiest time in my life have a new little life to look after. Don't get me wrong, I love my son sooooooo much and I couldn't imagine life without him. He's the most amazing thing in my life and he's really the only thing that keeps me going every day.
...but that's just it...he's the ONLY thing that keeps me going. When I got pregnant I pretty much lost all of my friends (I guess I only had friends that liked me when I could go out and get them in to clubs with VIP treatment...) and my relationship with my family has changed. I feel extremely alone and I try to keep it together every day and not just break down and cry. I have no friends to just have over for lunch, or meet at the mall, or meet at the park. The only "friends" I do have I'm only in touch with because I call them and I go visit them on my lunch on my lunch breaks because they work close to me. My "best friend" forgot my birthday and didn't even call me until 2 weeks after to say sorry that she forgot. My roommate that I was living with when I was pregnant barely even came home after she found out I was having a baby...I have spoken to her since I moved out and she was my friend for almost 10 years.
Up until this point, I haven't really wanted to go out at all because I wanted to be able to put my baby to bed and I've just been so exhausted. I'm finally starting to get to that point where I think it might be time for me to start being social again...but I have no one to be social with. I'm 23 so I'm still young and I'm not looking to go crazy but it'd be nice to go out for a martini with the girls or go shopping or hang by the pool with someone other than just myself. And when my sisters are around, I feel like they are constantly judging me and commenting on things I do as a mom and how I communicate with my baby's father (they'd prefer I don't talk to him at all and just dictate everything, my or no way....I actually talk to him like an adult and work things out together so we can co-parent)
Is there something wrong with me? I just want so badly to have friendships back and feel like I have a support system other than just myself and my mom. I have no shoulder to lean on, no one to rely on, and no one to even vent to so I'm contantly just feeling like I'm trying to stay happy and try to keep smiling. This should be the happiest time in my life and I feel like something's missing. I feel like such a terrible mom saying that because what more could I want now that I have the best gift ever! I just wish I was happier and I could enjoy this time more than I am. It's not that I'm not enjoying the baby, everytime I'm around him I can't help but smile, but it's everything else in my life I feel like is just bllllaaaaahhhhhhh right now.