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The county wants me to pay child support!

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My ex has not worked in over 4 years. He has my daughter about 40% of the time, which I allow only because he lives with his parents. He went to the welfare office and claimed that my daughter lived with him 50% of the time and got food stamps and everything.

I buy my daughters clothing, shoes, school supplies, toiletries and any extras like swim lessons, and art classes. I pay for her health insurance and take her to the doctors for her check ups and sick visits. If she is sick, I stay home from work and take care of her. He doesn't work and I stay home from work! I pay for daycare when she is with me and summer camp during the summer. She needs math help and I pay for tutoring.

The county is coming after me for child support for my daughter, I go to court on Tuesday. I am so upset about this that I can barely see straight! If I have to pay child support I know that it is going to go to HIS living expenses....the 100 dollar a month cell phone bill, tattoos and going out with his friends. I will still have to buy her all the essentials...which means double the expense and no money for college for her...another thing that I know he will never help with.

I just don't think this is fair! I love my daughter and ultimately think that in the long run she is the one that is getting the shaft! I dread the thought that she will not be able to do the activities and have the clothing she needs as she grows up because he won't get off his butt and work!

Thank you for listening to my rant! I am so stressed about this that I am not sleeping at night.

UPDATE: Thank you everyone for the support and advice. I went to court and my ex didn't even bother to show up. I had all my paperwork in order with receipts and visitation schedule. Long story short is that I still have to pay support but it is much less than the amount that the child support office had originally calculated.
I do understand that there are expenses that my ex has for my daughter when she is with him. However, considering that I am the primary care giver, the person who cares for her when she is sick(I take off work to care for her), and the person who pays for all of her essentials I still think it is wrong that I have to pay him money when he should be covering some of her expenses. It is very frustrating when my daughter comes home with underwear that are too small and my ex has a new tattoo...but tells me he can't afford to buy a $6 package of underwear. Truly if I felt that my daughter would benefit from the money he will be getting it would be fine. Time will tell, but I will not let my daughter go without, so might end up spending the same amount plus support. I hope he will step up, but I am not holding my breathe.
Thanks again!
by on Jul. 2, 2012 at 7:03 AM
Replies (211-220):
zeesmuse
by on Jul. 3, 2012 at 7:32 PM

Tell them the truth. She lives with you, you ALLOW visitation siply because he's the father. Do you have your original custody papers? Take them as well.  keep us posted.

AndrewsMommy01
by on Jul. 3, 2012 at 7:37 PM

I am going to go with troll

Quoting Cpdsptchgrl:

So am i


Quoting AndrewsMommy01:

I just read through all of the replys and I am wondering why the OP has not replied to anything?




yellowrose6145
by on Jul. 3, 2012 at 7:38 PM

 I am sure that you have your self  as an emgerency contact person at her school and other activies that she attends and that the school knows she lives with you and everyone elas does, that the judge will look at   all that ......so what 40 percent of the time does he have her  weekends--holidays---''''i wouldnt worry about it to much ...I had to pay child support for my deceased husband daughter for a year that he had with an ex-wife  and that was in iowa  after he died.....talk about  crazy  thing judges do , but   this was back in the 80's........i wouldn't worry to much ,,cause how is he to support his daughter the other percent of the time if he has her all the time ,,and also goes to show you that he cannt support himself  if he lives at home  with mommy and daddy ........he needs to grow up ...hope the judge  laughs in his face.........

deprogrammed
by on Jul. 3, 2012 at 7:40 PM

You.  Need.  A Lawyer.  Common sense does not apply.  You need to prove you are the primary (if not only!) caregiver and support for your daughter.  He has 0 expenses and even less responsibility thanks to his parents.  It's important that your daughter see you getting along with her dad, but not get run over by him.  I would ask for 100% custody and make him pay support.  Even if he doesn't have a job right now, anything he gets, including tax returns, would come to you. 

I have zero regard for those who use their kids against the other parent. 

MrsKish
by on Jul. 3, 2012 at 7:41 PM
Please keep us up dated
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Debbin
by on Jul. 3, 2012 at 7:42 PM
I cannot add anything that has not been covered, everyone has given you the correct information. You didn't mention the custody agreement but I would file for modification for sole custody if you do not have it. The reason you are being sued is because that SOB of an EX filed for food stamps, etc. The State does that automatically, Def. get an Attny, although the DA SHOULD go to bat for you as you are the custodial parent. Take a deep breath and try NOT to stress this. It will be rectified. Also, I'm sure you know that your EX is in trouble, BIG TIME! One of the things States do NOT take kindly to is Foodstamp/healthcare fraud! Also, not sure what State you're in, but here in TN parents of minor children ALSO get health care along with the child(ren). So, yep The EX screwed up big time! PS; along with all your paperwork, make sure you take your tax returns as well.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MrsKish
by on Jul. 3, 2012 at 7:42 PM
1 mom liked this
Maybe she's on the phone trying to find a lawyer


Quoting AndrewsMommy01:

I am going to go with troll

Quoting Cpdsptchgrl:

So am i





Quoting AndrewsMommy01:

I just read through all of the replys and I am wondering why the OP has not replied to anything?





Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Blackburn3
by on Jul. 3, 2012 at 7:44 PM
1 mom liked this
I know that this is true is MI. If u are caught committing fraud u are kicked off the system for life, nothing no food, cash or medical. Plus now u only qualify for 3 yrs total for any kind of assistance in your lifetime. So if u have to get food stamps and stay on them all 3 yrs. u are done u cannot get public assistance again. How people get around that is another filt member opens a case. Can be in the same family but always unfortunately always a way to use the system.


Quoting SexyTeacher:



Quoting KeriAZ:

And once welfare finds out he lied ur ex will be banned forever.


That is not true! He may have to pay a fine but he can still receive PA. The state will keep a certain amount monthly to repay anything he owes. That is the law in NC.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
judybant
by on Jul. 3, 2012 at 7:45 PM

Sorry. 

But on the bright side, courts have a way of seeing through the BS on occasion. I hope this time it's in your favor. Do you have a visitation agreement? And can you show receipts for child care that show you have to pay childcare while you work, AND have called in sick to work when she's unable to go to daycare, or school? That would help.

NannaBanana1983
by on Jul. 3, 2012 at 7:46 PM
Same here in Oklahoma! They just decrease the benefits and make them pay back what they were not supposed to be getting.

Quoting SexyTeacher:


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