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The county wants me to pay child support!

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My ex has not worked in over 4 years. He has my daughter about 40% of the time, which I allow only because he lives with his parents. He went to the welfare office and claimed that my daughter lived with him 50% of the time and got food stamps and everything.

I buy my daughters clothing, shoes, school supplies, toiletries and any extras like swim lessons, and art classes. I pay for her health insurance and take her to the doctors for her check ups and sick visits. If she is sick, I stay home from work and take care of her. He doesn't work and I stay home from work! I pay for daycare when she is with me and summer camp during the summer. She needs math help and I pay for tutoring.

The county is coming after me for child support for my daughter, I go to court on Tuesday. I am so upset about this that I can barely see straight! If I have to pay child support I know that it is going to go to HIS living expenses....the 100 dollar a month cell phone bill, tattoos and going out with his friends. I will still have to buy her all the essentials...which means double the expense and no money for college for her...another thing that I know he will never help with.

I just don't think this is fair! I love my daughter and ultimately think that in the long run she is the one that is getting the shaft! I dread the thought that she will not be able to do the activities and have the clothing she needs as she grows up because he won't get off his butt and work!

Thank you for listening to my rant! I am so stressed about this that I am not sleeping at night.

UPDATE: Thank you everyone for the support and advice. I went to court and my ex didn't even bother to show up. I had all my paperwork in order with receipts and visitation schedule. Long story short is that I still have to pay support but it is much less than the amount that the child support office had originally calculated.
I do understand that there are expenses that my ex has for my daughter when she is with him. However, considering that I am the primary care giver, the person who cares for her when she is sick(I take off work to care for her), and the person who pays for all of her essentials I still think it is wrong that I have to pay him money when he should be covering some of her expenses. It is very frustrating when my daughter comes home with underwear that are too small and my ex has a new tattoo...but tells me he can't afford to buy a $6 package of underwear. Truly if I felt that my daughter would benefit from the money he will be getting it would be fine. Time will tell, but I will not let my daughter go without, so might end up spending the same amount plus support. I hope he will step up, but I am not holding my breathe.
Thanks again!
by on Jul. 2, 2012 at 7:03 AM
Replies (431-440):
SARAH576
by on Jul. 10, 2012 at 10:33 AM

i am going though that also though i dont have to paid child support,Do you and him have  where you both have her or do you have 100 perent of the custody? I would take him to court and get full custody,and if you have any receipts for all the things you paid for like sitter, and health insurance and amything else take it with you.  And I would bring up everything you wrote to the court,it just depend how your papers are written up good luck

ayla87
by on Jul. 12, 2012 at 7:19 PM

You must be one heck of a great person!!!! It would chagrin me - and most ppl I know - to no end to be in your situation! It really is so unfair! The very fact that there is the possibility that you can accept it for your daughter's sake (you could've been really low-down about this!!!) so she can have a better relationship with her father just proves tons about your worth as a mother! It's dispicable he's trying to sponge a living off of everyone else - and it appears to be working out just fine for him, and I'm sure there's been many, many men through the years with women doing the same thing, but it's still a shame. The more you work and the more responsible you are, the more you have to be responsible for! Good luck & I'm sure karma is a ............yeah, what she said! 

Terriann13
by on Jul. 12, 2012 at 9:11 PM

I just broke up with my son's father.  I am on diability and make half as much as him.  I pay for all of our son's necessities food, clothing school, and health care.  I paid for all of this when we were all living together also.  This cheap guy is wanting to supply $45 per week and wants our son one day per week and every other weekend and 3 weeks during the summer.  Oh, and all of the national holidays!  I do have a lawyer who is helping me fight this.  Anyone from IN know how things work or how much you get for child support?

angiepangie727
by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 4:54 PM

I don't understand how, with joint custody, they can make you pay child support at all. That is the point of joint custody.  You both have equal responsibility for the child so it evens out. 

angiepangie727
by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 4:58 PM

7ginger.... men also have the same rights to their child.  Why does he have her ssn?  He is her FATHER.  Of course, the food stamp thing is messed up and probably why they are allowing him to get child support.  If there were not court orders for custody then him applying for fs means that he has custody.  You really need to go back to the judge, or the caseworker if it's going through the state, and figure out why, if you have your daughter 50% of the time, you are required to pay child support.  Caring for her, provding food, shelter clothing, etc while she is with you is your HALF of responsibility for the child. There should be NO reason you should have to pay.  NONE>  just as he shoudln't have to pay you.  Each parent is responsible for 1/2 of the childs care and expenses. When  a parent has full custody, that is why the other parent pays child support.  Doesn't make sense, and it seems like part of the story is missing....

Lottadogs2
by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 4:02 AM
I pay 287.00 a month to an abusive ex and have 51% custody because he had me in court every year since 2008 by chipping away at our court order that I was given bad legal advice on when I tried to settle our divorce. The state doesn't care because for every dollar they collect, they get a dollar from the Feds to keep their child support programs going . It's one of the most profiting subsidized industries. I have written legislators and nothing changes. Therapy doesn't help and I try not to stay awake every night in anger. Meanwhile, he lives off the state to support his other kid.
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Lottadogs2
by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 4:04 AM
I pay 287.00 a month to an abusive ex and have 51% custody because he had me in court every year since 2008 by chipping away at our court order that I was given bad legal advice on when I tried to settle our divorce. The state doesn't care because for every dollar they collect, they get a dollar from the Feds to keep their child support programs going . It's one of the most profiting subsidized industries. I have written legislators and nothing changes. Therapy doesn't help and I try not to stay awake every night in anger. Meanwhile, he lives off the state to support his other kid.
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LeighAnn_27
by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 4:05 AM
Dont feel bad hell i have to pay child support to?


Quoting curly287:

My ex has not worked in over 4 years. He has my daughter about 40% of the time, which I allow only because he lives with his parents. He went to the welfare office and claimed that my daughter lived with him 50% of the time and got food stamps and everything.



I buy my daughters clothing, shoes, school supplies, toiletries and any extras like swim lessons, and art classes. I pay for her health insurance and take her to the doctors for her check ups and sick visits. If she is sick, I stay home from work and take care of her. He doesn't work and I stay home from work! I pay for daycare when she is with me and summer camp during the summer. She needs math help and I pay for tutoring.



The county is coming after me for child support for my daughter, I go to court on Tuesday. I am so upset about this that I can barely see straight! If I have to pay child support I know that it is going to go to HIS living expenses....the 100 dollar a month cell phone bill, tattoos and going out with his friends. I will still have to buy her all the essentials...which means double the expense and no money for college for her...another thing that I know he will never help with.



I just don't think this is fair! I love my daughter and ultimately think that in the long run she is the one that is getting the shaft! I dread the thought that she will not be able to do the activities and have the clothing she needs as she grows up because he won't get off his butt and work!



Thank you for listening to my rant! I am so stressed about this that I am not sleeping at night.



UPDATE: Thank you everyone for the support and advice. I went to court and my ex didn't even bother to show up. I had all my paperwork in order with receipts and visitation schedule. Long story short is that I still have to pay support but it is much less than the amount that the child support office had originally calculated.

I do understand that there are expenses that my ex has for my daughter when she is with him. However, considering that I am the primary care giver, the person who cares for her when she is sick(I take off work to care for her), and the person who pays for all of her essentials I still think it is wrong that I have to pay him money when he should be covering some of her expenses. It is very frustrating when my daughter comes home with underwear that are too small and my ex has a new tattoo...but tells me he can't afford to buy a $6 package of underwear. Truly if I felt that my daughter would benefit from the money he will be getting it would be fine. Time will tell, but I will not let my daughter go without, so might end up spending the same amount plus support. I hope he will step up, but I am not holding my breathe.

Thanks again!

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Robsessed98
by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 12:07 PM
My dd stayed with my ex for 6 weeks this summer and he turned me in for abandonment to stop paying child support. My happy ass took him to court, proved he's a liar and ended up tripling his support. Lol at his sorry ass. Take all your proof to court and if you have and support the child over 50% of the time youll win. Good luck.
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mommy_2_be_2010
by Silver Member on Mar. 1, 2013 at 12:10 PM
Buy her stuff and keep the recipts
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