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Finally broken (long)

Posted by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 11:50 AM
  • 5 Replies
My husband and I have been seperated since December 2011. We had been together for almost 11 years married for 9. We have 3 beautiful kids 6.5 years old, 4 years old and a 1 month old ( yes I was pregnant when he left). We have problems that we weren't working on. Since separating we have communicated the best in a long time. He filled for divorce 1 month before having our 3rd child because he thought it was best to do it then and me not having to worry about it. We have yet to go to court.
Anyways flash forward to yesterday. My middle child who is 4 tells me daddy has a girlfriend and is married to( I don't think she quiet understands the whole thing). And how they ate together at a Resturant. So I asked him about it and it is true. He has friends that are women from work. He said yes and that he was going to tell me that day (as he is in his truck ready to leave). Really?! I cut the convo short with him because I am all sorts of mixed emotions. I let him know I wasn't happy.
1. We talked about not dating anyone until the divorce is final. We are still married and it would confuse the kids. WTF?! He said he wasn't ready and would let me know when he was ready to date again and I would do the same.
2. Yes I do still love him. I was with the man for almost 11 years. We have 3 kids (our son is a mini of him). I can't just shut those emotions off at the drop of a hat. It is going to take me time to move on. It bothers me he moved on so quickly.
3. Our kids come first. They should not meet every person we date unless it was serious and we told the other person about wanting to introduce our kids. I am with our kids 95% of the time. I am so pissed that he had our kids meet his girlfriend. As of now I don't know how long this relationship has been. I wouldn't think it was serious. Any guy that I date isn't going to meet my kids until things are serious. It is not fair to the kids. It would also bother me if they called someone else mom.
I should mention too that yesterday would have been our 11 years of being together. That hurt me. Dates mean something to me. I feel like I have been dumped on. I have had a lot to deal with this past year. I am getting drained from all the crap that keeps coming my way. I need a break. All I could do was cry yesterday and this am. I even dreamt about it. I know I need to talk to a professional but I just want to know if anyone has had this too. I needed to vent. Plus I am not ready to date yet and I know I want to be happy and find someone. I was just wondering too how Long after did you start dating? I feel like a big fat old cow that nobody is going to want.
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by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 11:50 AM
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by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 11:55 AM
I started dating casually a month after my 2nd divorce. It was more like just hanging out with good friends at random. LOL My current BF is my 1st real relationship since and that started a year after. I know this sucks and it really hurts. I don't agree with him exposing her to the kids. Unfortunately, you can't force him to be reasonable. This sucks. Sorry hun.
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by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 4:35 PM

Welcome to the group.  I know it hurts, but it sounds like he is doing exactly what you should be doing -- moving on with your life.  It might help if you talked to a therapist.  ((hugs))

by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 4:45 PM

My stbx introduced his girlfriends to the kids after I told him not to.  We are not yet divorced.  He told my kids to not tell me.  So, we had a family meeting where I told him in front of the kids that I was taking him to court and that a judge would tell him that he can't have his girlfriend in front of the kids.  He denied telling my kids to lie to him - basically call them liars. Since then he has had her over to his house while my kids are there a few times that they have told me about.  We have since signed the settlement agreement with visitation and custody where it states that neither of us is to have our kids around someone we are dating for 12 months after the date the divorce is final.  Also, no one of the opposite sex is to spend the night while the kids are in the house.  So, don't think that you have to just deal with what he is doing - you don't.  While my kids are older and will tell me - they can hurt just as much.  They are 9, 11, and 14.  They also know right from wrong too.  Let him have his chickies on his own damn time, not when he is supposed to be with his kids - they deserve more than that.

So sorry that he has broken your heart - I wish you hugs and hope that you find yourself happy again in the future.

by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 11:05 PM

 If he is having ur kids meet the woman then he prolly has been seeing her for quit some time and they may be serious. Guys have no emotions and could care less about a females emtions. If he can give up on a 11 year marriage with out any regret then he is lame and not a man. He doesn't deserve u and u can do better than him. If u feel like a big fat old cow then do something about that and excersise or start walking more or eat better. Go get a make over done and get ur hair done too. Do something that will make u feel good inside and out for ur self. U need something thats just for u it sounds like right about now.

by Gold Member on Jul. 4, 2012 at 11:10 PM
Honestly. You can't control what his choices are. You are getting divorced. Should he date? That's more a matter of religious beliefs in my opinion.

He no longer has to.discuss his choices with you. Does it hurt? Yep. It does and its a shitty feeling but its reality.

You need to move.on. I'm not saying date, move somebody in. But allow yourself to begin to move on emotionally. At least to a place where you can accept the current situation.
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