Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

Anyone not see your kids?

Posted by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 4:52 PM
  • 41 Replies

Do any of you not see your kids?  How have you coped with that? 

I'm getting completely screwed over my my husband and won't be able to raise my kids.  I'm trying to decide what is best.  I feel like it would be best for them for me to just go and them get into a stable routine without the interruption and emotional crap of visitation with me.  I'm not going to have a place to see them anyway so I don't even feel like visitation is an option. 

I have talked to social services and was told there wasn't really anything they could do to make it managable for me to keep the kids.  He'd have to pay $775 in child support to me if I kept them.  I can't work though as the daycare bill would be over $3000 a month.  $775 isn't enough to keep us afloat.  We would qualify for food stamps but that doesn't help much since I won't be able to pay the other bills.  I was told the best advice they could give me would be to move in with family.......which I do not have.

my kids are 11, 6, 3, 11 months, and twins due in November. 

I hate the thought of not being with them, but I don't see another option.  The grand part is that if I work I would have to give him $1900 a month if I made $1500 a month so he could pay for daycare.  So, that means I would have -$400 a month to live on.

The circumstances of the deal are that he has been having an affair for our entire marriage and I did not know.  I am willing to work things out so our kids can have a decent life, ut he is not.  I guess crappy people with no morals always win in the end.
I talked to an attorney.  HSe said I can't get allimony and thatI'm pretty much screwed.

So, I need to know how it is to not see the kids.

by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 4:52 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
quickbooksworm
by Bronze Member on Jul. 11, 2012 at 4:55 PM

What state are you in?  

I work full time and take side work to pay my bills.  Is there some reason you can't work?

happymommy1105
by Gold Member on Jul. 11, 2012 at 4:56 PM
Honestly, I would stay for a bit. I would save my pennies. Work with my family and friends and create an escape plan.

And as soon as o could I would peace out.

No way in hell would I leave my kids.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MsEmma88
by Member on Jul. 11, 2012 at 5:01 PM
Sorry but I couldn't leave my boys..ever. I would go low income housing. PA side work anything to keep me with my kids there are programs that can help
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
4kidsmomma4life
by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 5:04 PM

I live in Missouri.  I can't work because daycare would cost over twice what I could make.  I was told that at most, I could get half of that paid for by state aid.  That still puts me spending more than I make on just daycare.  Right now I'm pregnant with twins so it would be at the very least december before I could work even if I could afford daycare.

This has been going on since September and I have been hanging on and trying to work something out all this time.  I don't have family or friends that can help me and to be really honest, there isn't excess for me to be saving.  I have been trying to figure this out for 10 months.  I'm a terrible mother with no help.  I have zero patience and the kids are so out of wack with all of this going on.  It is a miserable life for us all.  It would only get worse with less money and two more babies. 
There is no emotional support system or someone to watch the kids for an hour while I decompress or anything.  Just me and six kids.  It is ALOT.

charliebean
by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 5:06 PM
Oh wow... I really wish that there was something I could do to help you. I am so sorry that you're in this situation. :(
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
4kidsmomma4life
by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 5:07 PM
1 mom liked this

I did check into low income housing.  I was told the wait list was 2 years.  Our mortgage is $700.  I'm not likely to find a place (even in low income) that is that chea big enough for 7 people.  :(

 

4kidsmomma4life
by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 5:12 PM

actually, I'm a fantastic mother but I have been so beaten down and I have so many kids so close together with no help or support that I just can't find a way.  Everywhere I turn another door slams in my face or I get some nasty comment like yours.  I have never been more alone and helpless in my life. 
I hope you never find yourself in a similar situation and I hope noone ever talks you the way you just talked to me.

 

happymommy1105
by Gold Member on Jul. 11, 2012 at 5:15 PM
7 moms liked this
1. You don't need child care for all the children. They have school, work during school hours. Then you only need child care for the youngest ones.

2. The state will pay half of childcare costs plus the $775 you would get in child support (which would go up once rhe kids are born), plus food stamps. Plus your income. You would have to budget your food stamps but you could survive off thar food.

3. You can always watch kids from home. Use the income tax return to help support you throughout the year. You can also always find other resources from local churches, etc that will help you.


Where there is a will, there is a way.


Quoting 4kidsmomma4life:

I live in Missouri.  I can't work because daycare would cost over twice what I could make.  I was told that at most, I could get half of that paid for by state aid.  That still puts me spending more than I make on just daycare.  Right now I'm pregnant with twins so it would be at the very least december before I could work even if I could afford daycare.


This has been going on since September and I have been hanging on and trying to work something out all this time.  I don't have family or friends that can help me and to be really honest, there isn't excess for me to be saving.  I have been trying to figure this out for 10 months.  I'm a terrible mother with no help.  I have zero patience and the kids are so out of wack with all of this going on.  It is a miserable life for us all.  It would only get worse with less money and two more babies. 
There is no emotional support system or someone to watch the kids for an hour while I decompress or anything.  Just me and six kids.  It is ALOT.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
quickbooksworm
by Bronze Member on Jul. 11, 2012 at 5:17 PM
1 mom liked this

I would find a new attorney.  I don't see how he wouldn't have to pay more in CS for that many kids.

BonneVie
by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 5:18 PM
1 mom liked this
Hun...i was beaten down (and up) for years. I was left on the streets with not even a bed for my kids. I had to start over with nothing. Never ONCE did it occur to me to ditch the kids. Fantastic mothers don't leave their kids. Get a job on weekends when they see their dad...and when the olders are in school. Get housing help, food stamps... Whatever. But you don't give up your kids. Stop whining and start planning.


Quoting 4kidsmomma4life:

actually, I'm a fantastic mother but I have been so beaten down and I have so many kids so close together with no help or support that I just can't find a way.  Everywhere I turn another door slams in my face or I get some nasty comment like yours.  I have never been more alone and helpless in my life. 
I hope you never find yourself in a similar situation and I hope noone ever talks you the way you just talked to me.


 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)