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question on child support/ half custody

Posted by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 10:23 AM
  • 9 Replies

My boys dad wants half custody of my son that is 3 years old now. The guy hasn't paid child support in the last 2 months, can't get a real job for some reason, never bought my son anything, and my son doesn't like going with his dad. I go in Wed to talk with a guy about it and he decides if I keep full custody or get half. Have u been thru this and if so how is it? I mean the guy does nothing for his kid but yet he wants half just to get at me. He told me he doesn't really want to do this but he is anyways. I just want my baby safe and comfortable around who ever he is around.

Any advise would be appreciated

by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 10:23 AM
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by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 10:46 AM
In most states custody and child support are seperate issues (yes custody is considered when determining the amount of support).....meaning just because he doesnt pay doesnt mean he cant see his kids. all you can do is go in amd tell the truth, if hes not a good father (for reasons other than nonpayment), explain that. Good luck
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by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 10:56 AM

 I just don't get it, he never tried going for half custody before and right away when we went to cout the first time I got full custody no problem but now he wants half. I know they are two seperate issues. I mean he should of went for half when he was a baby not now that he is 3 and older. Doesn't make sense to me at all.

The person he is with wants my child to be her child. When my son goes there she tries to pass my son off as hers. My son knows I am mommy and I am glad for that because no one will ever take my place. I just know she wants to try to rule my child and I am not going to have that. The guy doesn't care about this but the lady is older in her 30/40s not sure and has 6 or 7 kids of her own so I don't get why she wants my baby boy too! I don't know if I can tell them all this or they would care about it but to me she is trying to steal my child slowly and is getting away with it. It hurts my heart seeing my child go thru this and he doesn't like going there because of her.

by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 11:27 AM
Why don't you want him to have half custody? The child is half his. It doesn't matter when he wanted to get custody, the fact is, he is the father and should be able to co- parent with you and help with decisions that you are going to want him to pay for later: sports, schools, etc.

Why do you think the other lady wants your kid? You say she has her own. She is probably wanting to treat him as well as she treats her own. If she treated him differently, would that make you feel better.

She is probably helping the bd with things he should be doing anyways, especially if she is older & more experienced with these type of issues , which will benefit bd in the future.

I have seen BM end up paying some cs to bd, who don't work when custody changes. But not a lot.
There is going to be a time that you will need a break or adult time and building a relationship with the father is a beneficial way to start. At some point, your son will need his father or at least a positive male in his life.

Allowing the bd to be more active in your sobs life may help him mature & understand hat parenting is all about. You can't label him a bad parent if you don't give him the opportunity to learn and make mistakes, just as you have.
by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 12:11 PM

You should at least talk to a lawyer or explain to the judge WHY it would be in your son's best interest that he just pop in. Challenge him. Ask him "What happens when you decide you don't want to have custody? What happens if you change your mind again?"

I understand your frustration. Ask the judge about presenting him to your son little by little so it's not a shock for your kid. Ask for supervised visits so the worker can see how your ex interacts with your son. Give him tests. They will see if he is ready or not. 

Ngi ne themba - I have hope.

by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 12:18 PM
Why does he have to pay in order to have his kid?
Why does money have say over time he could spend with his child? If he isnt working he has time on his hands. Maybe if his child got to spend more quality time with his dad he wouldnt feel so awkward. Children shouldnt be kept away from the other parent because they arent giving CS.
He shouldnt have to come with gifts to be able to get time with his child . The child is half his. Let them bond.
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by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 12:57 PM

 You say he doesn't want to go through with it, but he is anyways?    On the other you say your son doesn't want to go with him?  He may like his dad if you give him the chance. 

When a child is a baby, genereally daddies don't want the experience of taking care of them, so they leave them with mom. (Oh, the joys of motherhood!). Watch the birds for enjoyment.  shooting photo Now that he is older, he can have a little fun together-your child is now at the age of talking.  You should be proud that he wants to take on the daddy role. So many moms in your shoes wished they could have that too so they can have some "me" time to themselves. 

There's also ways you can make him foot the bill besides c/s.  Endless possiblilities.

by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 2:11 PM

Whatever you decide to tell the courts about his parenting skills, you will need to have proof. Most family law judges will not uphold "he is a bad dad because he does not have a job, has never paid a dime and only sees the kids when it is convenient."

What does your custody agreement look like in present time?

by on Jul. 22, 2012 at 12:16 AM

He is always late picking up Roy my son but always early to drop him off. I never said money had to be into play for him to see his kid so yeah he does see his kid when it his days to and not any more. When he doesn't come to get his boy he tell me an hour or so before he won't be getting him so that sets me back on work/school/my other son and so on. He told me he can't get a work permit to work in America but that makes me think he has over stayed his welcome in America but he got married so he could stay here so that work permit thing doesn't make any sense to me. He always threatens to take me to court if he doesn't get his way. He never bought my son anything out of his own pocket for him to keep at both places.

If he didn't want him as a baby then there shouldn't be any changes now. Yeah guys might not want the baby but wait until older but that shouldn't give them a right to change how things are. I don't care if down the road my son plays sports or whatever that will be paid for and I will cheer him on. 

yes I think and know she hogs my son. When my son was meeting his half brother from his dad cheating on his wife had a baby with a gal and they all met and I didn't know it but was told about it by the other bm. The lady kept my son's attention away from the half brother so he wouldn't get to know him. I dont' think thats right.  The guy needs to man up and get both his real children together so they know each other. My son doesn't need to know her 7 kids that aren't blood. She may be older but she is not wiser.

Wed I am going to a meeting with the domistic vilonce person and they are the ones who decide what will happen and refer the descion to the judge.

by Bronze Member on Jul. 22, 2012 at 12:24 AM
Well since he's unemployed I wouldn't worry about him getting 50/50. Part of providing a stable life is a source of income.
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