I miss my real baby, not this brat my ex keeps sending me back!

[lisette00]

So me and my son's father split up a year ago. We finalized the custody.

I have a wonderful 3 year old boy named Logan, and a boyfriend named Nick who is so wonderful with him. We will be together for a year in September.

My problem?

Logan has always been such a sweet boy. Nice and caring. When I tell him not to do something, he obeys, and runs off to play with something else. He has seriously been the BEST behaved 3 year old ever!

However, he is having a hard time adjusting. Whenever my ex brings him to me, I can tell he does not get disciplined there. He comes back and is screaming. Is sucking his fingers (has NEVER done that before) and EVERY time i tell him not to do something he screams "no. no. no."

I hate it. I love my son so much. But this isn't him. I hate to say it but he is acting like a brat. And he is not. He knows better than to act like this. And I just don't know how to handle this at all! I'm so frustrated. This isnt' my sweet baby boy. 

And my ex and I do NOT get along at all. Any advice on the best way to discipline him and handle these mood swings???

[kitty8199]

Go back to court. If he is having problems with visits, change the visits.
My ex's ex had discipline style put into the agreement.

[lisette00]

I got a terrible judge. He sided with my ex and gave him 2 overnights a week and every other weekend. We just settled it 2 weeks ago. I hadn't thought to put discipline in the paperwork. :(

[HyperMom38]

I think all kids go through this to some extent or the other.  Just think about it for a moment- as adults we know the way we act in church is not the way we act at a party, or a store, etc.  We are sophisticated enough to make the adjustment from one atmosphere to another quite seamlessly.  A child cannot.  So if there are different rules, or even a different type of atmosphere (more relaxed vs. more structured) the kids have a period of adjustment they go through.  As time goes on and he gets older it will get better.  In the meantime remind him of what the rules are in your home and remind him of what you expect from him. 

[dragonfly.1982]

Im interested in the responces as well. I have a well mannered boy who says please, thank you, excuse me but when he comes home its mine, no, and move or get away :( it is frusterating and it seems like as soon as i get him acting normal again its visitation time again!

[raegan1221]

 Welcome to the group. I had this problem with my son when he was about that age. He is now almost 7. I was just very firm with him in how we act here. I told him that this wasn't his Dads house, and that somethings might be okay there that are not here. And that is SO not fair to the kids. Because they get confused. But it took awhile and it got better. I was just very firm...I also had a talk with my ex about his attitude. And things got better. If you're unable to talk to your ex about it, I would just be very firm and telling and showing your son right from wrong and how he should be acting at home.

[lisette00]

It's just so hard! And to boot my son is slow in the speech department. We are gonna be working with united services this school year. So it's hard for him to verbalized his struggles. But it's the same for us. I send my ex a well behaved child who says please and thank you and such. And he sends me back a mean baby who screams mine, no, and purposely does again whatever it is I tell him not to do.

This whole situation is tough for us both. And I'm afraid of gettin a job now because he is already having a hard time adjusting. And is very clingy. Just to have to go to daycare all the time when I find a job. (and he has NEVER been to daycare)

[kagegirl]

He is acting out. Most 3 year olds do, cooperated parents or not. Ask for court meditation so you and ex can discuss parenting issues in a productive way. Out took me and ex several years to be able to discuss the kids without fighting. Egos get involved and people forget its about the kid, not you.

[mommynac]

Kids do go through phases. I think kids are going to act out in a situation where they are going back and forth between parents until they can make the adjustment. If there's any chance you can discuss it with your ex, go for it.

[mommynac]

I know you have a lot on your plate, but the right daycare situation could be really good for him. DS had to go at 2 when I got divorced, and he got a lot out of it. Good luck!

Quoting lisette00:

It's just so hard! And to boot my son is slow in the speech department. We are gonna be working with united services this school year. So it's hard for him to verbalized his struggles. But it's the same for us. I send my ex a well behaved child who says please and thank you and such. And he sends me back a mean baby who screams mine, no, and purposely does again whatever it is I tell him not to do.

This whole situation is tough for us both. And I'm afraid of gettin a job now because he is already having a hard time adjusting. And is very clingy. Just to have to go to daycare all the time when I find a job. (and he has NEVER been to daycare)

[tabloss]

Just want to let you know that I have a 9 yr old and a 13 yr old and when they go with their dad it is a freakin free for all with his gfs kids too.  Now I used to be her best friend until all of this went down and I have talked with the both of them about the behavior issues to no avail.   It takes me at least 2 days to "get my children back" after they come home, so I too will be looking at the posts on here