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I miss my real baby, not this brat my ex keeps sending me back!

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So me and my son's father split up a year ago. We finalized the custody.

I have a wonderful 3 year old boy named Logan, and a boyfriend named Nick who is so wonderful with him. We will be together for a year in September.

My problem?

Logan has always been such a sweet boy. Nice and caring. When I tell him not to do something, he obeys, and runs off to play with something else. He has seriously been the BEST behaved 3 year old ever!

However, he is having a hard time adjusting. Whenever my ex brings him to me, I can tell he does not get disciplined there. He comes back and is screaming. Is sucking his fingers (has NEVER done that before) and EVERY time i tell him not to do something he screams "no. no. no."

I hate it. I love my son so much. But this isn't him. I hate to say it but he is acting like a brat. And he is not. He knows better than to act like this. And I just don't know how to handle this at all! I'm so frustrated. This isnt' my sweet baby boy. 

And my ex and I do NOT get along at all. Any advice on the best way to discipline him and handle these mood swings???

by on Aug. 2, 2012 at 1:52 PM
Replies (21-30):
cadeesmommy0120
by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 8:51 AM

 I agree with this...I can understand it's frustrating since your ex has him throughout the week as well as on weekends.  As he gets older he will adjust a little better.  Hang in there mama!

Quoting HyperMom38:

I think all kids go through this to some extent or the other.  Just think about it for a moment- as adults we know the way we act in church is not the way we act at a party, or a store, etc.  We are sophisticated enough to make the adjustment from one atmosphere to another quite seamlessly.  A child cannot.  So if there are different rules, or even a different type of atmosphere (more relaxed vs. more structured) the kids have a period of adjustment they go through.  As time goes on and he gets older it will get better.  In the meantime remind him of what the rules are in your home and remind him of what you expect from him. 

 

angie2568
by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 9:18 AM

 I agree 100%! Good Luck

Quoting kitty8199:

Go back to court. If he is having problems with visits, change the visits.
My ex's ex had discipline style put into the agreement.

 

lisette00
by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 9:44 AM
I'm not saying he IS a brat. I'm saying that's how he acts. And I know that's not who he is. I tried to make my ex understand during the court thing that shuffling around so much was bad for him right now. I even offered to include in the paperwork that when Logan is older he can have more custody. It's too much for him. But all my ex wants is to "win", no matter how hard it is for logan.


Quoting happinessforyou:

Gee- being only 3 and being shuttled every couple of days between homes and people? I think he is reacting to all the stress he is under and all of the changes all of you are putting him through.


OR


He's a horrible brat.... you decide.


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lisette00
by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 9:57 AM
I waited 6 months before introducing them. I know how my ex is with him. He doesn't have a job, so he sleeps all day and makes his mom take care of him in the weekends. My boyfriend is a wonderful role model for him. I really dont want to make this all about my boyfriend, I just felt the slight need to defend myself. I hope I'm not being judged. Just want support from other moms about this issue.

When Logan comes back I definitely have a close bond with him always and when he acts up I am firm but still show him how much I love him. I know it's so hard for him. But it's hard for mama too. I miss him when he's gone :(


Quoting Alex825:

Your son is all wound up from having to be at dads house. When he comes home he is testing your love for him. You have one confused little boy on your hands. I had to give my kids a day to wind down. It wasnt easy, however it does work. Your son needs guidance and rules set up so he knows what you expect of him when he does something wrong no matter when that is. Meaning not just from coming home from exDH's house. That way he doesn't feel he is being punished relating to his visits with dad.  He is only 3 years old and you already have a boyfriend in his life. WOW, its no wonder your little guy is acting up. and soooo angry. afraid and just lost. Have strength it will soon pass as long as you don't over react and talk badly of his father around him. 


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llion18
by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 11:37 AM
2 moms liked this

Just continue your discpline, stand firm with your choice of how the household will run.

He needs to know that you can not push your boundaries like he can with his dad.

It is the same situation with my daughter and when she acts like that after being at her father's I just ignore her. And tell myself that this is normal. I send her to daycare and does help to some extent. They have rules they have to follow and the teacher's don't put with any BS.

Also important piece of advice which I have found helpful is the realization that your ex may never change and you have to be ok with it. You are no longer with him and no longer will he feel he has to listen to you. It is eaiser if you just accept that and raise your son the way you want. When he gets older he will realize the difference and appreciate it. Take care, I am dealing with a crazy 3 yr old DD with an ex who lets her run wild.

easinpc
by Gold Member on Aug. 3, 2012 at 12:15 PM

My son was like this just about every time he'd come home from his dads for about 3 years (age 2 1/2 - 5) and thebest thing I found was to have him take a nap as soon as he came home and that usually helped wiht him.  Beyond that once he reached 5, I'm not really sure what happened but it was like a switch was flipped and my son did a much better job of adjusting.  Hugs!

chendren1
by Member on Aug. 3, 2012 at 12:17 PM
I deal with this same thing. I have two daughters. 3 and 1 1/2 it drives me nuts!
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Meg_the_Mermaid
by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 2:04 PM

I have the same issue when my daughter (she's 6) comes back from being around my nephew and sister. My nephew is 4 and allowed to do whatever he wants, he's a terror. But we visit them every week and it always takes my daughter a full day to get back to her normal self (and she's a really well-behaved kid and always has been). It drives me nuts. And I have also wondered what things will be like once my stbx and I are living apart (right now we're still living together because neither of us can afford to live apart yet)...because him and I have different views on parenting.

I personally just stick to my rules and what I expect. It's easier for me to talk to my 6 year old and reason with her, because she's at an age where she fully understands...but I know it may be a little difficult for you right now since your son is only 3. Just keep firm in your own parenting ways and what you expect of your son and try not to lose your patience with him. When he screams or tells you no or any of that, get down next to him, hold his hands in yours, and make him look you in the eyes and tell him what you expect of him.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Aug. 3, 2012 at 2:45 PM
1 mom liked this
News flash. This is normal. It's an adjustment and no 3 year old is great at adjustment and it's also normal for toddlers to act out even in the best of circumstances. A kid can be a happy baby an a nightmare toddler. This is part of life as not only a mom but a mom who's not with the father.
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MeeshMom
by Platinum Member on Aug. 3, 2012 at 5:48 PM
3 moms liked this
Kids need a transition period. Maybe make it a routine to let him have some breathing time when he comes home. Like playing, coloring or whatever his favorite thing is. And don't push him to do anything until after the first hour home. I was told this when I took a step family class. Some kids have to unwind. And being so little, a 3 yr olds brain is gonna be all over the place.
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