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I miss my real baby, not this brat my ex keeps sending me back!

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So me and my son's father split up a year ago. We finalized the custody.

I have a wonderful 3 year old boy named Logan, and a boyfriend named Nick who is so wonderful with him. We will be together for a year in September.

My problem?

Logan has always been such a sweet boy. Nice and caring. When I tell him not to do something, he obeys, and runs off to play with something else. He has seriously been the BEST behaved 3 year old ever!

However, he is having a hard time adjusting. Whenever my ex brings him to me, I can tell he does not get disciplined there. He comes back and is screaming. Is sucking his fingers (has NEVER done that before) and EVERY time i tell him not to do something he screams "no. no. no."

I hate it. I love my son so much. But this isn't him. I hate to say it but he is acting like a brat. And he is not. He knows better than to act like this. And I just don't know how to handle this at all! I'm so frustrated. This isnt' my sweet baby boy. 

And my ex and I do NOT get along at all. Any advice on the best way to discipline him and handle these mood swings???

by on Aug. 2, 2012 at 1:52 PM
Replies (211-220):
ednahorton
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 4:55 PM
I had the same problem, I finally talked with my ex about it, and we figured it out. However as far as ex-husbands go I am very lucky since he and I get along so well.

If talking to him and trying to use reason won't work, then I suggest what another mom did and have discipline guidelines added to the custody agreement.
pmbjackson1971
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 5:08 PM

First of all, don't beat yourself up. It is not easy being a single parent.  You have to make some decisions that are tough and stick with them.

He is still young and going through some drastic changes.  But, make sure he understands what is expected at your house.  You cant do much about what goes on at his dad's.  Just be firm with your rules. 

Daycare will probably do your son some good.  It will put him around other children and rules.  It may also help him with his development.

If things dont get better, go back to court and try to amend the order or at least add some things to it concerning behavior and discipline.

 

mummy2-3
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 5:58 PM

i went through the same thing.  it started when my older two were 2 and 5, they are now 23 and 26. it does get better after  they learn that mom's rules and dad's rules are different. it would take 2 or 3 days till i got MY kids that i sent to their dad's. just remember that it is not you it is that they get the rules mixed up.

gabgirl515
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 7:28 PM

Tots go though phases,It does not nessisarily mean your ex.is to blame,but dads tend to spoil their kids when they cant be with them all the time ,Its their way of making it upto them...sorry but thats how it goes...be more careful who you make kids with!!!

tpeake
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 8:01 PM

My daughter is 15 and recently my ex and myself and dd sat her down to find out what her anger was about, besides the normal teen stuff she said that when we took her to family counseling when she was little made her feel like we thought she was broken and something was wrong with her, she has been carrying that around for a long time and made her feel she wasnt good enough, be careful about just rushing them off to therapy. just saying, Your little guy probably was the center of everyones life and now maybe HE DOESNT FEEL like he is, dont get defensive, its about his feelings, blaming everything on the ex will also spill over to him, even if you dont do it in front of him. he knows you dont like daddy anymore you like someone else he probably hears all kind of stuff you dont know about, He can feel all this negative vibes from everyone, mom, dad, grandma, and mister happy Bf, He is not a trained seal he is in turmoil, he needs all of your time and attention not BF. Sometimes we have to give up some things for a child like new BF, he is probably not as ready as you are, 6 months is not a long time, I went 6 years I am just now starting to date

lisette00
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 9:30 PM
So everyone. I am completely overwhelmed by how many responses I got from my post. While it is sad there are so many others going through the same thing, it makes me feel like I am not alone.

Thanks so much for your advice. I will take it all to heart and let you know how it goes! I feel so much better and close to tears from how much support and understanding j have received. I'm so happy I joined this site. I still have a long way to go! And probably many more things to figure out, but of anyone really feels they relate to me and can help more, please friend request me. I need a lot more help and support.

And good luck to all you other mothers out there going through this! Life is a bitch sometimes!!
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lisette00
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 9:39 PM
By the way, I will still be coming on here to see more advice of more is posted. I really enjoy hearing others stories and I hope there is more advice to be had! I have a couple other issues that I don't know how to deal with. :( I'm not very wise. Just confused most the time
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atozmom5
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 9:41 PM
1 mom liked this

Okay...so let me get this straight. You break up with your son's father (To the child it felt the same as a divorce I assure you.) and almost immediately take up with another male influence. Then you expect Logan not to be affected? Do you think he doesn't notice you and Dad don't "get along at all"? And how can you tell he's not being disciplined, really? Maybe the trauma of being shuttled between homes is too much. But you know lisette00 t's not really your fault. Society has been telling young parents for decades that if a child's world gets turned upside down by his parents' decision to put their needs above his he will be fine. Was your ex a player? Addicted? Abusive? Did he not respect you as the mother of his child? Or were you just "not happy" together? If your great-grandparents left each other after a few periods of "unhappiness" you wouldn't be here. But like I said, you've been taught that it was okay to leave something at the first twinge of discomfort. But for your son's sake make the decision to break the cycle. I'm not saying get back with your ex there's probably too much pain there. But make an effort to respect your ex as your PARTNER in raising this child y'all made TOGETHER. Because that's what he is whether the two of you (or three counting your boyfriend) like it our not. Get some outside help getting along with your ex. Including your boyfriend is a good idea too. I think it would be really helpful and their are many free and sliding-scale resources out there. Good luck and God bless! I'll be praying for you and your family.

lisette00
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 9:58 PM
1 mom liked this
You have no idea what happened with me and my ex. You have no right to judge. I'm not going to tell you what happened because I have no need to justify myself or my life to you. I appreciate every one else's comments and advice who give it with love and without judgement. I would appreciate of you would back off and stop making assumptions about me. And i don't need your prayers. I don't beleive in it.

I don't mind if others feel the need or desire to pray. That's their belief system and I RESPECT it. But I don't need YOURS.

I came here for help, not judgement.


Quoting atozmom5:

Okay...so let me get this straight. You break up with your son's father (To the child it felt the same as a divorce I assure you.) and almost immediately take up with another male influence. Then you expect Logan not to be affected? Do you think he doesn't notice you and Dad don't "get along at all"? And how can you tell he's not being disciplined, really? Maybe the trauma of being shuttled between homes is too much. But you know lisette00 t's not really your fault. Society has been telling young parents for decades that if a child's world gets turned upside down by his parents' decision to put their needs above his he will be fine. Was your ex a player? Addicted? Abusive? Did he not respect you as the mother of his child? Or were you just "not happy" together? If your great-grandparents left each other after a few periods of "unhappiness" you wouldn't be here. But like I said, you've been taught that it was okay to leave something at the first twinge of discomfort. But for your son's sake make the decision to break the cycle. I'm not saying get back with your ex there's probably too much pain there. But make an effort to respect your ex as your PARTNER in raising this child y'all made TOGETHER. Because that's what he is whether the two of you (or three counting your boyfriend) like it our not. Get some outside help getting along with your ex. Including your boyfriend is a good idea too. I think it would be really helpful and their are many free and sliding-scale resources out there. Good luck and God bless! I'll be praying for you and your family.


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Luvinmom
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 10:40 PM

My son 4yr old went to his dad's for 2 weeks, hadn't seen him in months. It took 3 weeks and a HUGE melt down tantrum evening to find "my son" again. It was awful and I tried to deal with it but one night I finally got through to him by taking away something and sticking to it. I also stayed calm and told him I could only talk to him when he talked to me in the same way. It was awful and I dread doing it again. Good Luck!

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