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I miss my real baby, not this brat my ex keeps sending me back!

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So me and my son's father split up a year ago. We finalized the custody.

I have a wonderful 3 year old boy named Logan, and a boyfriend named Nick who is so wonderful with him. We will be together for a year in September.

My problem?

Logan has always been such a sweet boy. Nice and caring. When I tell him not to do something, he obeys, and runs off to play with something else. He has seriously been the BEST behaved 3 year old ever!

However, he is having a hard time adjusting. Whenever my ex brings him to me, I can tell he does not get disciplined there. He comes back and is screaming. Is sucking his fingers (has NEVER done that before) and EVERY time i tell him not to do something he screams "no. no. no."

I hate it. I love my son so much. But this isn't him. I hate to say it but he is acting like a brat. And he is not. He knows better than to act like this. And I just don't know how to handle this at all! I'm so frustrated. This isnt' my sweet baby boy. 

And my ex and I do NOT get along at all. Any advice on the best way to discipline him and handle these mood swings???

by on Aug. 2, 2012 at 1:52 PM
Replies (221-230):
Mickey_Lover33
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 10:44 PM

I'm having alomst the same problem with my six year old she didn't always act like this and I just don't get it. I have to quit school because she don't listen and talk back. It is driving me crazy. Its so much that she does it hurt so bad to she her acting this way. My mother allowed her to do these things and its hard to break her.

Luvinmom
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 10:49 PM


Quoting atozmom5:

Okay...so let me get this straight. You break up with your son's father (To the child it felt the same as a divorce I assure you.) and almost immediately take up with another male influence. Then you expect Logan not to be affected? Do you think he doesn't notice you and Dad don't "get along at all"? And how can you tell he's not being disciplined, really? Maybe the trauma of being shuttled between homes is too much. But you know lisette00 t's not really your fault. Society has been telling young parents for decades that if a child's world gets turned upside down by his parents' decision to put their needs above his he will be fine. Was your ex a player? Addicted? Abusive? Did he not respect you as the mother of his child? Or were you just "not happy" together? If your great-grandparents left each other after a few periods of "unhappiness" you wouldn't be here. But like I said, you've been taught that it was okay to leave something at the first twinge of discomfort. But for your son's sake make the decision to break the cycle. I'm not saying get back with your ex there's probably too much pain there. But make an effort to respect your ex as your PARTNER in raising this child y'all made TOGETHER. Because that's what he is whether the two of you (or three counting your boyfriend) like it our not. Get some outside help getting along with your ex. Including your boyfriend is a good idea too. I think it would be really helpful and their are many free and sliding-scale resources out there. Good luck and God bless! I'll be praying for you and your family.

I agree with you however my ex cheated not once not twice but multiple times and the final straw for me after 3 years was his getting an STD while I was pregnant with our son. Then knowing he had this STD made me have sex with him and I say "made me" because if we hadn't been married by definition it would have been rape. The ONLY reason he told me about the STD was because his doctor advised him that if he transferred it to me "our son" could have been born dead. so he told me to get TESTED AGAIN to make sure I didn't have it and his precious son that he so cared about would be ok. GREAT GRANDMA AND GRANDPA can turn in their graves because back then MEN WERE MEN and they could do WHATEVER they wanted to their women and the women had to put up with it "sweep it under the rug" and be "married" to their man. It's 2012 we live in America and YES too often people take things for granted and lightly and think things should move on perfectly after they made such poor decisions but I am THANKING GOD that I have rights to make those decisions and the resources to make them freely. 

baby boytoddler boytoddler girlExhausted

Brianna0037
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 12:27 AM
Your son is NOT a brat.....YOU seem like the brat! Have some sympathy for a young child being bounced back and forth between households and parents :( you yourself said you and your ex don't get along, that's probably the biggest problem right there. Be a grown up and don't blame him for acting like he should. You probably confused him even more by bringing another man into the picture.....sad so many family's give up and break up, selfish. When I had my daughter I vowed to live my life for her.
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cats911
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 2:22 AM

He is angry with his situation and this is his way of telling you.  When he comes back, you need to give him your undivided attention, just you.  Sit and hold him, talk to him, rock him.  Make him feel very secure.  Because that is what he is NOT feeling, having had to go with his dad.  I was a child of divorce also.  From my earliest times, I could remember being so nervous, especially if my dad had a girlfriend or a wife (it varied by the year).  My constant was my mom.  He needs to realize and understand that YOU are his constant.  Once he understands and feels this, he will settle down.  Acting out is his stress reliever.  How does his dad's girlfriend/wife deal with him?

My grandson's stepmother dealt with him horribly.  She slapped him and spanked him for anything, and he was not a bad child, she did not like him, and wanted to show her power over him to my daughter.  You do need to check into who he is with when he is with your ex.

Hope it gets better quickly

blucandie
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 2:27 AM

Same here. I'm in a similar situation. I have noticed that my DD (2 years) comes home in a fussy mood with extra attitude after spending a night @ her dad's. It's almost like she gets to do whatever she wants while there so when she gets home & I don't let her run amock, she acts out. We are cuurently going through a divorce & she only sees him once or twice a week, but there are times when he travels a lot & is gone for weeks at a time. So, I know it messes with her schedule. Usually it only lasts for the day she comes home though & she's back to herself the next day. Her dad & I have a decent relationship (when it comes to our child...between just us tho, not so much, but we have seemed to be civil with each other when talking about our child). I make suggestions & he agrees, but then again, once at his house how do I know he does anything we discussed or agreed upon? I tell him all the time that we need to be on the same page about almost everything when it comes to our DD. Good Luck to all of us! :)

Solo_Fan
by Member on Aug. 6, 2012 at 2:38 AM

   I know my son skipped the terrible 2's.  He had terrible 3's.  Maybe he is just going through the Terrible 3's.

Mama2MiaLee
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 10:07 AM

I just tell my little boy that is not how we act in this house and he pretty much stops. He just turned 4...  He comes home whiney and cries about everything! Apparently that works on Dad and step mom. I tell him that might work at thier house but not in mine! You use your words at my house. If you want something ask for it, if you need attention tell me. And he snaps out of it pretty fast. It really takes about a day of reminding him and then he stops completely, it depends on how long he's been at his Dads. I have a TERRIBLE relationship with Dad and step mom so I don't even try to talk to them or co-parent. (I would LOVE to but they have no desire to) so I have to address things with the kids themselves.  

natalia1220
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 10:22 AM
Try to be patient. Maybe Logan is having a hard time adjusting and this is his way of showing you he does not feel good about all this.
missybest
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 10:36 AM

Quit pretending that a sweet, docile little boy is going to stay that way!  He is 3 years old now.  Little ones start to show independence, meaning they don't do everything they are told!  He has a father and a mother who don't get along well, whether you like it or not!  You set boundaries at your home and help him learn to deal with your boundaries.  This is parenting, dear!  The worst thing you can do is stop being his mother!  It also will not help him if you take his father away from him!  Only if his father is abusive in some way should you try to do that.  So, you need to deal with the situation as it is and be there for your little boy.  This isn't "easy playtime", this is parenthood!  You don't leave or push your child away when things get difficult!

Quilting82
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 11:42 AM

You have a three year old and I have a six year old grandchild with the same problems.  My son, who lives with us, has custody.  He came back from his mother's last night and was horrible. Screaming, wining, crying.  I have learned to take it easy the day  he comes home. She has no bed time for him and he is usually massively overtired.  We gave him a nice warm bath, got his pjs on and let him watch tv until he drifted  to sleep.  This morning he was much more our sweet  liltle grandson again.  In sum, keep the stress low the day he comes home and if he gets out of line remind him quietly that his conduct isn't  acceptable in our house.

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