Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

I miss my real baby, not this brat my ex keeps sending me back!

Posted by   + Show Post

So me and my son's father split up a year ago. We finalized the custody.

I have a wonderful 3 year old boy named Logan, and a boyfriend named Nick who is so wonderful with him. We will be together for a year in September.

My problem?

Logan has always been such a sweet boy. Nice and caring. When I tell him not to do something, he obeys, and runs off to play with something else. He has seriously been the BEST behaved 3 year old ever!

However, he is having a hard time adjusting. Whenever my ex brings him to me, I can tell he does not get disciplined there. He comes back and is screaming. Is sucking his fingers (has NEVER done that before) and EVERY time i tell him not to do something he screams "no. no. no."

I hate it. I love my son so much. But this isn't him. I hate to say it but he is acting like a brat. And he is not. He knows better than to act like this. And I just don't know how to handle this at all! I'm so frustrated. This isnt' my sweet baby boy. 

And my ex and I do NOT get along at all. Any advice on the best way to discipline him and handle these mood swings???

by on Aug. 2, 2012 at 1:52 PM
Replies (231-240):
jennc1977
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 1:10 PM

As a child of divorced parents and parent to a child of divorced parents, this is a tough age on any child. He may be three, but he does know better. He knows what he has been taught consistently. My son was the same age when his father left. I had him talk with someone. They used play therapy. He is young and it not able to really express what he is feeling. The best thing to do is reassure him that you love him. If your ex does not agree to counselling, then you can have him brought before the court since it is of the child's well being. Be very careful about what you say about your ex when he is around and be careful how you act around each other. I got through it with my son so you can do this. It just takes more patience, love, understanding and organization. Keep a journal of the behavior.

3lilladies81
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 5:47 PM
It's people like you that made me leave cafemom the first time. There is no need to express your opinion in such a *itchy way! If your having a bad day don't take it out on other people!

Quoting missybest:

Quit pretending that a sweet, docile little boy is going to stay that way!  He is 3 years old now.  Little ones start to show independence, meaning they don't do everything they are told!  He has a father and a mother who don't get along well, whether you like it or not!  You set boundaries at your home and help him learn to deal with your boundaries.  This is parenting, dear!  The worst thing you can do is stop being his mother!  It also will not help him if you take his father away from him!  Only if his father is abusive in some way should you try to do that.  So, you need to deal with the situation as it is and be there for your little boy.  This isn't "easy playtime", this is parenthood!  You don't leave or push your child away when things get difficult!

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
faerie75
by Ruby Member on Aug. 6, 2012 at 6:16 PM

 i have the EXACT same situation, lol. watching attentive fathers get the shaft enrages me.

Quoting peanutxc09:

Ok so I am frustrated with some of these responses. I am a step mom. For this whose exs actually want to have their kids around be thankful many men and women just drop their kids after divorce or break ups. My husband has been fighting for 3 years to get his kids more and his ex won't agree. There's no reason for him not to have them more she has taken him back to court 3 times asking to get child support modified and he has asked to see his kids more. If you ask me its obvious what she's wanting $$$$. This has been going on for 3 years I've been there the whole time (I'm not the other women just to clarify, She cheated on my husband when they were together with his best friend at the time, so someone the kids saw as an uncle figure is now their step dad along with his 2 kids so his kids have gone through a lot in this divorce).

To get back to advice on this topic: His kids have gone through this also especially the boy who is now 6. The kids do not know exactly what is going on so they act out in different ways and also regress some. Trust me kids will adjust to it but it takes time. At our house we have stricter rules than at their moms house and she has flat out told us that she doesnt get on this kids for things and that they do what they want, so we get them overnight every other weekend and by the time its time to get picked up they are back to saying thank you and please and not running in the house just for it all to get ruined. It gets better as they get older they adjust to mommy house and daddys house but when its new be prepared for regression to happen and talk to your kid, they are not as naive as people think as long as things are appropriate and on their level they will understand.

 

 
        
         

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Aug. 6, 2012 at 6:20 PM

 um, yes hes old enough to figure the truth out on his own but its never ok to bash their other parent, he is half of that guy like it or not, what is wrong with you? havent you ever heard of tkaing the high road? -_-

Quoting bbkimberly:

My son is 15 - after a night or two with his asshole deadbeat father he comes back as a version of him. Smart mouthed, yelling at me and his sister (13), short tempered, demanding, the list goes on. My daughter wants nothing to do with her father because she sees him for who he is, unlike the boy. I flat out tell my son that he is acting like his father and to knock it off. I left his father 3 years ago because of the way he was and I don't need him to pick up where he left off- and I tell him that. I also tell him that I want him to grow up to be the man that he can be, not the asshole his father is. Don't start to bash me for that either. He is old enough to hear the truth and I don't want him to be the self centered, mentally abusive, alcoholic, selfish, prick that his father is. I know you are wondering why I let him go with him? We are still legally married. I don't have money to start divorce proceedings and if I was to the courts would open up the floodgates for visitation. I don't want him anywhere near the girl and even though she is 13 I don't want to risk her being forced to see him. He would force the issue so that he could lower the child support. She's just a dollar sign to him. The boy is the only one he is truly interested in. As long as he sees him he's happy. All he would do if he managed to pick up the girl is dump her off at his sisters which is a scary place to be. He isn't paying the support that is ordered now as it is but he would rack up less if he saw her. All I get is 25% of his unemployment while he works under the table and keeps it all for himself. When my son complains about how things are under my roof I tell him if he doesn't like it he can pack his shit and move in with his dad. He hates it when I say that because he doesn't want to live with him but I don't care. He needs to behave so I don't lose my sanity. I went from 95-97 lbs (I'm fun sized) to 85 lbs from all the stress his father caused. I don't need to go there again.

 

 
        
         

shefve
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 6:47 PM

we are have the problem only in reverse we get visits with my bf kids and when ever they are here they belive they can do whatever they want they tell their dad we are happy you divorced mom we like moms new boyfriend he lets us do anyrhing we want i.e drink coke eat candy shoot guns break bottles and lie but is ok cause we are chrisitans and go to church and god only knows what else so what are we to do?be the mean people they are forced to come stay with and follow rules or do we let them run wild only enforceing the rules for my kids?

new1mama
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 7:17 PM

When i was a kid me and my sister had this problem when we got to see our parents. Its a hard adjustment from one place to another and the thoughts of missing the other parent and wanting them together and not seperate is there. its hard to understand why they are not together. One thing that could be done is sit down with him as soon as he comes back and explain the rules and consequeces. And give the child a warning then for example time out for the age they are. The best thing to me is to just talk to them. yelling will just stress out. I might stern say or yell my daughters name to get her attention if she is screaming but then i talk to her and explain she cant do what she is doing wrong. and then get her to do something else. 

unicorndreams
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 8:46 PM
What words of encouragement and support! Have you ever had to deal with this style of situation? If not, try to put yourself in our shoes! The age is not the factor per se here, it is the lack of parental obligation to correct the child. Not all people get along, thus seperating. Children do suffer but that does not mean the child is horrible. Are yours brats or angels?

Quoting happinessforyou:

Gee- being only 3 and being shuttled every couple of days between homes and people? I think he is reacting to all the stress he is under and all of the changes all of you are putting him through.


OR


He's a horrible brat.... you decide.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
happinessforyou
by on Aug. 7, 2012 at 3:01 PM

What I find unbelievable is that people do not realize the suffering that drives their children to misbehave. Do people really not get that being shuttled around, back and forth, different people, different food, different routines, different rules, different homes is extremely upsetting to children. Hense my <sarcasm>.

Quoting unicorndreams:

What words of encouragement and support! Have you ever had to deal with this style of situation? If not, try to put yourself in our shoes! The age is not the factor per se here, it is the lack of parental obligation to correct the child. Not all people get along, thus seperating. Children do suffer but that does not mean the child is horrible. Are yours brats or angels?

Quoting happinessforyou:

Gee- being only 3 and being shuttled every couple of days between homes and people? I think he is reacting to all the stress he is under and all of the changes all of you are putting him through.


OR


He's a horrible brat.... you decide.


faerie75
by Ruby Member on Aug. 7, 2012 at 6:27 PM
2 moms liked this

 you seriously need therapy.

Quoting bbkimberly:

Don't you dare judge me and tell me to take a high road. Take that "what is wrong with you?", write it on a piece of paper, and cram it. I put up with years of emotional abuse to which I accept responsibility for not leaving sooner. I will continue to bash him when necessary. I am trying to point out to him that he is acting like him. That man is satan's life coach. If he turns out like him he will end up beaten up by someone or behind bars.


Quoting faerie75:

 um, yes hes old enough to figure the truth out on his own but its never ok to bash their other parent, he is half of that guy like it or not, what is wrong with you? havent you ever heard of tkaing the high road? -_-


Quoting bbkimberly:

My son is 15 - after a night or two with his asshole deadbeat father he comes back as a version of him. Smart mouthed, yelling at me and his sister (13), short tempered, demanding, the list goes on. My daughter wants nothing to do with her father because she sees him for who he is, unlike the boy. I flat out tell my son that he is acting like his father and to knock it off. I left his father 3 years ago because of the way he was and I don't need him to pick up where he left off- and I tell him that. I also tell him that I want him to grow up to be the man that he can be, not the asshole his father is. Don't start to bash me for that either. He is old enough to hear the truth and I don't want him to be the self centered, mentally abusive, alcoholic, selfish, prick that his father is. I know you are wondering why I let him go with him? We are still legally married. I don't have money to start divorce proceedings and if I was to the courts would open up the floodgates for visitation. I don't want him anywhere near the girl and even though she is 13 I don't want to risk her being forced to see him. He would force the issue so that he could lower the child support. She's just a dollar sign to him. The boy is the only one he is truly interested in. As long as he sees him he's happy. All he would do if he managed to pick up the girl is dump her off at his sisters which is a scary place to be. He isn't paying the support that is ordered now as it is but he would rack up less if he saw her. All I get is 25% of his unemployment while he works under the table and keeps it all for himself. When my son complains about how things are under my roof I tell him if he doesn't like it he can pack his shit and move in with his dad. He hates it when I say that because he doesn't want to live with him but I don't care. He needs to behave so I don't lose my sanity. I went from 95-97 lbs (I'm fun sized) to 85 lbs from all the stress his father caused. I don't need to go there again.

 


 

 
        
         

Smartsicles
by on Aug. 7, 2012 at 8:08 PM

Holy shit, these last few pages... SMH.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)