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I miss my real baby, not this brat my ex keeps sending me back!

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So me and my son's father split up a year ago. We finalized the custody.

I have a wonderful 3 year old boy named Logan, and a boyfriend named Nick who is so wonderful with him. We will be together for a year in September.

My problem?

Logan has always been such a sweet boy. Nice and caring. When I tell him not to do something, he obeys, and runs off to play with something else. He has seriously been the BEST behaved 3 year old ever!

However, he is having a hard time adjusting. Whenever my ex brings him to me, I can tell he does not get disciplined there. He comes back and is screaming. Is sucking his fingers (has NEVER done that before) and EVERY time i tell him not to do something he screams "no. no. no."

I hate it. I love my son so much. But this isn't him. I hate to say it but he is acting like a brat. And he is not. He knows better than to act like this. And I just don't know how to handle this at all! I'm so frustrated. This isnt' my sweet baby boy. 

And my ex and I do NOT get along at all. Any advice on the best way to discipline him and handle these mood swings???

by on Aug. 2, 2012 at 1:52 PM
Replies (31-40):
JACAR2010
by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 8:16 PM
This is why I praise the Lord that I don't have court ordered visitation. Don't give up. Sounds like you are still the only real parent Logan has.
Quoting lisette00:

I got a terrible judge. He sided with my ex and gave him 2 overnights a week and every other weekend. We just settled it 2 weeks ago. I hadn't thought to put discipline in the paperwork. :(


sucker4myloves
by on Aug. 4, 2012 at 10:30 AM

I have no experience with this, but I should think all you can do is the daily grind of getting him back on track, and putting up with the fact that you have to send him back again. :( Even if court papers say he has to discipline a certain way, they can't possibly make him uphold it. He could of course just lie.

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rockinmomto2
by on Aug. 4, 2012 at 10:32 AM

I was a lot like that as a kid with my dad. After a while, my mom stopped visitation all together. And I got to be a happier child. I'm not saying that's what's right for you, but that was my experience (I was 8). 

Byrd15
by on Aug. 4, 2012 at 10:34 AM

You need to have a loooong talk with that Ex... That is unacceptable!!!! 

Alex825
by on Aug. 4, 2012 at 10:36 AM

This isn't and wasn't about your BF, and I am not judging. However having your BF in DS life is still VERY confusing to him. Doesn't matter how wonderful BF is. It will matter later on down the road having BF as a wonderful role model. Just love your son, and do just what your doing. Being a parent is one of the most wonderful and  hardest "job" we will have  in our lives. I am 47 after 20 years of marriage, I still do not bring my BF into their lives. We have been dating for over a year. They do not want to share mommy, and that's fine with me and BF. Time heals all, and they haven't quite healed over ExDH and me divorcing and they are older

Do yourself one favor, until your little guy settles down and adjusts to all the changes in his life. DO NOT add a new sibling into the family. Your dearest DS isn't ready for that. I see it all too often that a new baby is brought into the home and the other child, being your DS, feels so left out, abandoned and jealous. Just a suggestion. 

Quoting lisette00:

I waited 6 months before introducing them. I know how my ex is with him. He doesn't have a job, so he sleeps all day and makes his mom take care of him in the weekends. My boyfriend is a wonderful role model for him. I really dont want to make this all about my boyfriend, I just felt the slight need to defend myself. I hope I'm not being judged. Just want support from other moms about this issue.

When Logan comes back I definitely have a close bond with him always and when he acts up I am firm but still show him how much I love him. I know it's so hard for him. But it's hard for mama too. I miss him when he's gone :(


Quoting Alex825:

Your son is all wound up from having to be at dads house. When he comes home he is testing your love for him. You have one confused little boy on your hands. I had to give my kids a day to wind down. It wasnt easy, however it does work. Your son needs guidance and rules set up so he knows what you expect of him when he does something wrong no matter when that is. Meaning not just from coming home from exDH's house. That way he doesn't feel he is being punished relating to his visits with dad.  He is only 3 years old and you already have a boyfriend in his life. WOW, its no wonder your little guy is acting up. and soooo angry. afraid and just lost. Have strength it will soon pass as long as you don't over react and talk badly of his father around him. 



friendlymom5
by Member on Aug. 4, 2012 at 10:38 AM
Stay consisitant and he will adjust. My kids had that problem after the divorce.
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randomosityblog
by on Aug. 4, 2012 at 10:41 AM

I would recommend counseling, not going back to court to change the agreement just because he's acting like a brat when he comes home. He's 3, it's a lot for a 3 year old to process. Talk to him, in a calm/nice voice, and tell him ____ is not how we act. _____ is how we act. And reassure him that you love him very much. If it gets worse, then yeah I'd mention it to the courts but they'd recommend counseling anyway so it's better to get ahead of them.

randomosityblog
by on Aug. 4, 2012 at 10:42 AM
1 mom liked this

Agreed. That's the WORST thing you could do.

Quoting Alex825:

This isn't and wasn't about your BF, and I am not judging. However having your BF in DS life is still VERY confusing to him. Doesn't matter how wonderful BF is. It will matter later on down the road having BF as a wonderful role model. Just love your son, and do just what your doing. Being a parent is one of the most wonderful and  hardest "job" we will have  in our lives. I am 47 after 20 years of marriage, I still do not bring my BF into their lives. We have been dating for over a year. They do not want to share mommy, and that's fine with me and BF. Time heals all, and they haven't quite healed over ExDH and me divorcing and they are older

Do yourself one favor, until your little guy settles down and adjusts to all the changes in his life. DO NOT add a new sibling into the family. Your dearest DS isn't ready for that. I see it all too often that a new baby is brought into the home and the other child, being your DS, feels so left out, abandoned and jealous. Just a suggestion. 

Quoting lisette00:

I waited 6 months before introducing them. I know how my ex is with him. He doesn't have a job, so he sleeps all day and makes his mom take care of him in the weekends. My boyfriend is a wonderful role model for him. I really dont want to make this all about my boyfriend, I just felt the slight need to defend myself. I hope I'm not being judged. Just want support from other moms about this issue.

When Logan comes back I definitely have a close bond with him always and when he acts up I am firm but still show him how much I love him. I know it's so hard for him. But it's hard for mama too. I miss him when he's gone :(


Quoting Alex825:

Your son is all wound up from having to be at dads house. When he comes home he is testing your love for him. You have one confused little boy on your hands. I had to give my kids a day to wind down. It wasnt easy, however it does work. Your son needs guidance and rules set up so he knows what you expect of him when he does something wrong no matter when that is. Meaning not just from coming home from exDH's house. That way he doesn't feel he is being punished relating to his visits with dad.  He is only 3 years old and you already have a boyfriend in his life. WOW, its no wonder your little guy is acting up. and soooo angry. afraid and just lost. Have strength it will soon pass as long as you don't over react and talk badly of his father around him. 




jessi2girls
by Member on Aug. 4, 2012 at 10:46 AM
2 moms liked this

It's likely him acting out because, as you said, he's still adjusting.. you said you just put this in writing 2 weeks ago.. he likely still needs a little more time to adjust..

once he's use to the schedule, he'll likely mellow out.   I'd give it a few months.. if things don't change by then, then perhaps you might want consider making nice with the ex to try to see where these issues are really coming from as well as talkiing with your son.. perhaps there is more going on than meets the eye..

But give it a few months before jumping the gun here.. let him get settled into this new routine first before making assumptions beyond that he's just acting out and needs time to adjust.

MamatoKy
by on Aug. 4, 2012 at 10:48 AM
Dd's 7...and 5 years later, she still is not adjusting well
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