babydaddy drama

[B112]

Hello Mom's,

I need single mother advice. Some of you may have been through this or have similar experience. My daughter will be five and has only seen her father twice in her lifetime. He's not around because at the beginning HE chose not to be but all of a sudden there's a change of heart I guess . He had never supported my daughter financially & yes I know money isn't everything but damn she's expensive lol! Not complaining because I've been doing it alone since day 1. I put in all the work all the overtime all the effort because I made this decision when I got pregnant! Long story short, he wants to "be a part now" & I told him NO !!!! Am I wrong for that?? The reason I told him no is because he's never been consistently around my daughter is not a toy I refuse for her feelings to be played with, what if he decides one day ehh I'm not digging this being a dad thing then what? He won't get a court order for whatever the reason may be Idk what to do he called me every name in the book because I'm acting this way!! I don't keep contact with him I don't look for him I've had the same cell number for 6 years and can't change it now because I use it as my business phone I need help what do I do .

[cdjd23]

I would get a court order that way he can have his set time with your dd and help with costs for her. You may find out how serious he is when his pocket book gets hit.

[Musiq_Junkie]

Same here when my dd is old enough to comprehend I will let her make that decision.

Quoting B112:

Well said and my plans in the near future when she's able to understand, and if he's somewhere to be found THEN IF SHE CHOOSES TO KNOW HIM BE AROUND HIM BUILD A RELATIONSHIP THEN THAT WILL BE OKAY WITH ME BECAUSE IF HE CHOOSES TO LEAVE THEN SHE WILL BE OLD ENOUGH TO SEE AND UNDERSTAND BY HERSELF AND MAYBE DECIDE IF SHE wants to see him or not!! As of right now I just.don't feel its the right time

Quoting viv212:

Don't deprive your child to know their dad. My mom did it and I'm glad she did, but it still does not take away the sadness and emptiness of not having my dad around. I should have made that choice, not her. We as moms feel guilty with no matter what decisions we make for our children, and you may kick yourself later for not letting her know her true bio dad. Your child is going to go through hurt feelings no matter what. If anything, I say have a good heart to heart with him and give him the benefit of the doubt. My 12 yr old dd has never seen her dad and I haven't spoken to him since I was pregnant. I WISH he would say the same thing to me your bd is saying. One thing mama always told me: A man will tell you what he wants. There's no reason to try and read between the lines, take it for what he's saying. It will be a hard road since you'll have to learn to share your ds, but I think you're dd will be happiest with both parents in her life.

[Musiq_Junkie]

Quoting B112:

He usually calls private being a business phone I usually have to answer! The number he did call me from I saved it and blocked of course! Glad to hear.someone can relate to my situation!! Girl my mom us the same way . I work about 10 12 hours a day shit in traffic for about an hour and a half this CA traffic is no joke lol! Anyway my mom notices I come home tired and is constantly telling me go to court get something ordered so grew can take her on the weekends so that I can relax. Its just not that easy for me!! The weekend is usually our outing days cause I work m-f aside from that I just find it so hard for me to allow that cause I don't want her to get attached to something that will disappear from time to time. Kids have a wondering mind let's say I do let him get involved if he leaves my daughter will ask where is he then how the F**I do I explain that!?

I feel you. What are your plans? Thinking of letting him come around?

I totally understand where ur coming from girl. Unfortunately, since I've been trying to get my degree & do not have the funds to fully support dd by myself, I've filed for CS. I'm not really worried about visitation b/c I've been taking note of everytime he's "going to come around" or "send money". He's had plenty of open invitations to visit her, but he's always a no show....I'll be surprised if he even shows up for court....mind u not he didn't even show up for a CS case he had last year, for his other child smdh.

[Dove3296]

Man, I thought I was the only one going through something like this. This is such a hard thing to deal with. My child's father did not come around until my son turned two! Ever since then he is VERY inconsistent with his visits and my son is now 9. Part of me wishes he would disappear and I know that probably would not be right for my son.

[Dove3296]

I agree! The part-time, come around when you want to stuff has to go!  Why can't they understand that our kids are not trophies!

[MommyAJ2921]

You did exactly right.. Block him from ur phone. If he continues to harass you get a restraining order. Being a father isn't a right, its a DAMN PRIVILEGE. Phew..ok..sorry got heated for a minute but I'm better now.

[B112]

Thanks Mom's for understanding! I'm glad in not alone.

[B112]

Exactly!!!!!

Quoting Dove3296:

I agree! The part-time, come around when you want to stuff has to go!  Why can't they understand that our kids are not trophies!

[B112]

Yup just how being on the BC is a privilege carrying his last name is a privilege and those are privileges he did not get

Quoting MommyAJ2921:

You did exactly right.. Block him from ur phone. If he continues to harass you get a restraining order. Being a father isn't a right, its a DAMN PRIVILEGE. Phew..ok..sorry got heated for a minute but I'm better now.

[mummy1990]

if he hasn't been there, he can't be there now...he lost out, and that is HIS fault, not yours.