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Should I ask for less child support?

Posted by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 1:44 PM
  • 10 Replies

My ex and I are not doing the child support through a court.  My ex is an illegal immigrant and it would be better for us if the court system doesn't get involved.  We are still very friendly.  I asked him if he would like to go to Six Flags with me, the baby, and my family on Sunday.  He said sure he'd luv too.  But then he just called and said he can't afford to go and asked if I'd buy his ticket for him.  I said that I couldn't afford it either.  He said that with having to pay so much child support he barely has enough money to buy himself food.  Should I lower the child support?  I asked him for a comfortable amount to be able to pay 1/2 of daycare, 1/2 of the health insurance bill, and 1/2 of our son's grocery bill.  Should I consider lowering it or should I not lower it and let him know that I am still paying for all his clothes, his housing, his diapers and wipes, etc.  What do you think?

by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 1:44 PM
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by Gold Member on Aug. 3, 2012 at 1:47 PM
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Honestly I would not lower it if you need it to help support your child.  You are helping him by not going through the courts and he really needs to help support your child.  To me it does not sound like you are asking to much of him.

by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 2:52 PM
No, not if it's half of those costs. It sounds just about right.
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by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 2:56 PM
He guarantee you are not charging him what a court would. Your medical insurance he would be responsible for 80% and then half or more than half, of everything else. At least thats how it is here. He has it pretty easy.
But its your choice.
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by Ruby Member on Aug. 3, 2012 at 2:56 PM
How much is it. Idk. My kids dad and I cancelled our court order. I hate court. He used to make a lot o money and give me 800 but e was in real estate and we all know it took a shit in Cali. He gives me 200 every two weeks and If the kids need something I will ask him for 50 extra here and there and if he has it he will give it to me.
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by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 2:57 PM

No, do not ask for less money that is for your child. I'm not well versed in immigration law but if you take him to court will he be deported? Is he here on a work visa?  

by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 3:39 PM

Its not necesssarily a bad idea...personally I would look into it. TO me...a good relationship is way more important than money. I understand right now you are each paying half of this stuff, and you pay this other stuff.....but if that half is more than he can afford and take good care of himself, then it doesn't do you, him or the child any good. Technically, the state says I should get $1500/mo in CS for the 2 girls (he makes $20K more than me, plus our younger DD has asthma meds to the tune of $300 per month, and they are both in private school and that covers his share of EVERYTHING, including tution which makes up half of that amount). But...if I accept that much he will have a realy hard time living like he does and keepng the house. I want him to keep the house so we've negotiated down to an amount we can both live with. Yes, its tight for me and sometimes i feel like he is rolling in the dough.....but we are getting along, and when we all go to dinner or ice cream, he pays for me so it works out i think.

by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 4:35 PM

 I was told by my judge for child support that she couldn't give me more than half his pay check and thats in Indiana. She thought he should pay more to help out but he doesn't and won't. He told me he couldn't get a work visa but he lies all the time so I don't believe anything he says.

U know illegal immigrants have a lot of rights for breaking the law so u would be surrised if u took him for child support. They don't check his status or ask. They just care about setting up child support and visitation.

by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 5:02 PM

 No do not lower it.  However, you can say this will be the amount for the next 18 yrs or whenever he's legally an adult.

by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 7:02 PM

I wouldn't lower it, the money is going towards caring for your son and when you add it all together its not technically half of everything. Being a parent is expensive and sometimes you have to make sacrifices to make things work, your ex is having to make those right now and it shouldn't be on you to make it easier on him at the potential financial detriment of yourself.

by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 7:26 PM
You could. In some states he wouldn't even be paying half your child's expenses. My ex is paying 17% which is the amount for 1 child in Wisconsin. And day care and health insurance and medical expenses are not always included.

You have to decide what's more important money or him involved in his child's life. I'd take the involvement of the dad. My sons father has seen him about 10 times in 16 years.
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