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Do you have full custody? Edited to add

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 If so did you go to court to get it or does your state automatically give it to the mother? What state are you in? If you went to court, how long did it take you and how much (estimate) did it cost you? Was it a civil case or did you and your ex bf/dh argue it out?

Do your exes have visitation or anything? What about child support?

ETA: I already recieve c.s. (when he chooses to pay it, which is about every 6 months to avoid going to jail) In NC both parents have equal rights unless a parent has papers stating otherwise. I bumped my story that I posted earlier this year. It's 6 parts and it explains the history between him and I.

by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 6:50 PM
Replies (21-30):
by Member on Aug. 4, 2012 at 12:47 PM

Quoting LifeCafe42:

I'm in ca and because the "father and I weren't married I have full custody unless he takes me to court

 This but I'm in MN.

by Member on Aug. 4, 2012 at 4:11 PM

50/50 everything.

by on Aug. 4, 2012 at 4:14 PM

I live in california with my boys he lives in oregon, I have full custody of our boys he gets them 49 days in the summer and every other holiday and thats it, but I havent heard from him since I picked our kids up this summer So I might just ask for sole custoday of our kids since he doesnt help with anything I havent received child support in 3 months 

by on Aug. 4, 2012 at 4:17 PM
I'm in GA. I have full custody. He has no rights. He won't have rights until he goes to court. Even if he does, he will not have any custody. Just visits and I will push for supervised. Id get it, too.
Total mom's state.
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by on Aug. 4, 2012 at 4:53 PM
I'm in NJ and have sole legal and physical custody. My divorce took 90 days start to finish. The initial settlement agree called for joint legal custody with me retaining primary residential custody; however the judge felt my xh has behaved so badly and made such gross errors in good judgment regarding his choices and parenting that he awarded me sole custody. It was not a civil discussion; my xh is an abuser (domestic violence) and has a raginf drug problem. He has fought me for custody repeatedly over the past 3 years and lost. He is ordered to pay CS but owes over $30K.
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by on Aug. 4, 2012 at 7:16 PM

I can tell you general rules.  If children are small they usually go to Mom, but the law says what is in the best interest of the child.  So it can be Dad if he has been the caregiver while they were growing up to this age.  It can take a year to get it all straightened out.  It is better ifyou two can agree and then it goes fast. 

Fathers do usually have visitation unless there are reasons not to allow visitation unless it is supervised.  Child support is awarded based on a formula and that changes state to state and based on income of the parents.  fOther partner should be paying half the child's support and that is a portion of the rent, utilities, clotghing, food, expenses like phone etc.   If child is over 8, or 12, child may be able to request which parent they want to live with, but that is up to the judge.  Best interest of the child is the rule.   So long as mom is not unfit mother the child usually goes to mother but there can be exceptions.


by on Aug. 4, 2012 at 7:32 PM

I live in Northern WI, GET A GOOD LAWYER. I got screwed. He pays abour 1/3 of the support he is supposed to. and visitation is 60% me 40% him. I hate it. I can go on forever about how i got fucking screwed. but it would just piss me off

by on Aug. 4, 2012 at 7:50 PM

i officially have full/sole custody of my two older boys. it went through the courts during our divorce. he does not currently have visitations due to prior allegations from his stepdaughter from his first marriage. i fought very hard and finally started to get him to take the boys on a regular basis and pay child support, then my boys each had accidental falls a month apart so the state used that investigation as a lever to get into my home and state he is not allowed visitations due to the prior issues or i would risk losing the boys. so finally we got everything worked out and i started receiving support again then he up and moved out west to get out of his obligations.

i technically have custody of my third son but nothing is official on record in the courts. his father recently started visitations a yr ago. he is currently trying to fight the support order because he feels he should not have to pay the back support when he didnt even know he had a son til a yr ago when the paternity results came back. i am fed up of him fighting it, he is mad because the state pulled his passport privileges for not paying. i am going this week to file papers to get it official and on record i have full/sole custody. i am very nervous lately that he is going to try to pull something and not return our son from a visit since they live in canada and i live in new hampshire. my husband seems to think since i am listed on the support order as the custodial parent it means i legally have custody but i honestly dont think it does so just to be sure i am going to file the proper paperwork in the courts.

it didnt cost me anything during the divorce since i claimed a financial hardship. i will be thankful when all this child support stuff is resolved with both fathers and the boys get what they deserve. oh, i mentioned i am currently in new hampshire, but the current support orders are through state of maine since thats where i resided up until last yr.

by on Aug. 4, 2012 at 11:30 PM

As I replied to your other post, if the case goes contested, meaning, he files objections to your initial divorce pleadings, and if he is abusive, and if you use attorney, it gets very costly.

My case, I could not ge full custody, and it took 9 months to finalize my case. My ex, being extremely abusive, is still brigning up things in the court even now.

His behavior hiked up the attorney fees, because of his frivoulous court filings, and the total amount became like half of the home value I have.

Divorce, the court intervention does not cost much, may be $20 for each filing, but if you use an attorney and if your ex is abusive, be careful.

by on Aug. 4, 2012 at 11:33 PM

One more important thing,

Don't go into a mediation with an abuser PERIOD. If he does not agree with anything, just go on to a trial.

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