Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

Pinching your own kid

Posted by   + Show Post

Bd has been in my son's life for a couple months now just doing supervised visits with me. My son has been acting out badly lately. I let him take my son to the pool in my complex today without me while I did homework. When they came back my son was all mad and said Dad pinched me! I know bd has done this before and I try to deflect him and direct him to try reasonable discipline methods. My son had a little bruise where he was pinched. While my son was on time-out in his room for another reason, I had a talk with bd about the pinching. I said I don't like this because it leaves a mark and it is considered abuse. If he acts out to an extreme we can spank his rear end but nothing more than that. And spankings should not be a regular occurence, only when he does something that is dangerous. Time outs and taking things away are best. Bd seemed to agree with me about the pinching when I mentioned it is considered child abuse. I hope he is open here with me and that we can discipline and parent together. He so far is getting along with me great other than that. I think I nipped that one thank God.

 

by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 2:42 AM
Replies (41-50):
umhassouna
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 3:32 PM
2 moms liked this

So you spank your child, but wouldn't pinch. Why? Is the spanking less painful than a small pinch? Why is a pinch abusive to you, but a spanking is a-okay? What is your reasoning there?

Furthermore, your opinion in relation to your own children has no bearing on the parenting choices of others. You spank your kids, some mothers would qualify that as "abusive". The other mother pinches her kids when they're acting up while she's driving, you qualify that as "abusive". So, who's right? Nobody. As mothers, we give birth to our children and raise them as we see fit and that is our right - excluding actions that would directly harm the child (beating over the head, burning, sexual abuse, etc.). Nobody knows our children or their personalities, abilities, downfalls like we do. Other mothers charging in with their "CPS should be after you" balogne when they have no idea WHO our children are, are the ones with issues.

You were telling her that she was lucky that DCFS isn't after her. That isn't an opinion, that is an outright judgement of her parenting methods.  

Quoting Smartsicles:

Yes, exactly! Thank you.

And no, it really depends whether she does this often or not. I believe children that are exposed to such physical ways to be disciplined do suffer long term effects. There are studies on this, but I'm not going to google any and post them in here. It's common knowledge. I spank once in a while, I am not sainting myself, but I would NEVER pinch or slap my child in the leg or face or anything ridiculous like that. It's just an opinion that I hold. Nobody has to agree with what I have to say.

Quoting moosesmom:

I see your point of view. Your stance is their are other ways to achieve the results you want as far as discipline is concerned. I respect that.

My next question is, do you believe that her pinching the boys will have any long term effects in them? Do you really think they'll be more susceptible to aggressive self-destructive behavior, anxiety, academic difficulties etc...I just don't think that because of a pinch their life's will suffer traumatically.




Sidrosmomma
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 3:46 PM

A friend of mine father would always pinch my friend's son.  It was quieter than yelling at him and obviously less noticeable than hitting him.  I'm not sure I would do it though.  I prefer traditional discipline methods.

Sunshinebee2
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 3:48 PM
When we (me and my siblings) acted out in public my mom would pinch our shoulder but we were li 7+
Also we never had marks


Quoting My2boys0523:

In the car if the boys are fighting and screaming ( I CANNOT tolerate that WHATSOEVER) I will reach back and give them a lil pinch on their leg, but it has never left them a bruise! I'm glad you got that taken care of, and I'm probably gonna be bashed for my lil comment but so be it; for the record, I know I'm a good mom, I'm not abusing my kids, I'm just trying to avoid getting in an accident.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Smartsicles
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 3:54 PM

Spanking is different, and there is a proper way to do it, such as not being angry when you do it, and it's not much force, does not leave a mark.

Pinching is different. There is NO effective proven way to pinch your child like there is with spanking! I am NOT the same as her, because I don't touch my child while I am in a moving vehicle. If worse came to worse, I would pull over and talk. NOT spank or pinch. 

I also only spank under dangerous situations. If kids are goofing off, and I'm driving, it is dangerous, but it's safer to pull over and hit the emergency blinkers (even on a freeway) and just firmly tell them they need to stop. NO pinching.

Quoting moosesmom:

That's the beauty of being an individual we all have our different opinions which makes the world a very unique place :-)

Ok. So you do spank occasionally? I think we can agree that pinching, spanking, and slapping are ALL forms of physical punishment. Why do you feel that spanking (hitting) occasionally is acceptable but pinching is not? Aren't you guilty of doing the same thing she is doing; which is intending to cause feelings of pain in order to get your child to comply? You're one in the same, are you not?



Quoting Smartsicles:

Yes, exactly! Thank you.

And no, it really depends whether she does this often or not. I believe children that are exposed to such physical ways to be disciplined do suffer long term effects. There are studies on this, but I'm not going to google any and post them in here. It's common knowledge. I spank once in a while, I am not sainting myself, but I would NEVER pinch or slap my child in the leg or face or anything ridiculous like that. It's just an opinion that I hold. Nobody has to agree with what I have to say.

Quoting moosesmom:

I see your point of view. Your stance is their are other ways to achieve the results you want as far as discipline is concerned. I respect that.



My next question is, do you believe that her pinching the boys will have any long term effects in them? Do you really think they'll be more susceptible to aggressive self-destructive behavior, anxiety, academic difficulties etc...I just don't think that because of a pinch their life's will suffer traumatically.




Smartsicles
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 3:58 PM

See reply to moosemom. Pinching is a trashy discipline method. Worse than spanking. There just isn't anything out there that 'okays' pinching as a discipline!!! Spanking has been around for decades and has approved methods. There IS a difference, and I don't spank that often. I can actually say I've only needed to spank once in the last two years. I don't need to get physical to show my authority.

Quoting umhassouna:

So you spank your child, but wouldn't pinch. Why? Is the spanking less painful than a small pinch? Why is a pinch abusive to you, but a spanking is a-okay? What is your reasoning there?

Furthermore, your opinion in relation to your own children has no bearing on the parenting choices of others. You spank your kids, some mothers would qualify that as "abusive". The other mother pinches her kids when they're acting up while she's driving, you qualify that as "abusive". So, who's right? Nobody. As mothers, we give birth to our children and raise them as we see fit and that is our right - excluding actions that would directly harm the child (beating over the head, burning, sexual abuse, etc.). Nobody knows our children or their personalities, abilities, downfalls like we do. Other mothers charging in with their "CPS should be after you" balogne when they have no idea WHO our children are, are the ones with issues.

You were telling her that she was lucky that DCFS isn't after her. That isn't an opinion, that is an outright judgement of her parenting methods.  

Quoting Smartsicles:

Yes, exactly! Thank you.

And no, it really depends whether she does this often or not. I believe children that are exposed to such physical ways to be disciplined do suffer long term effects. There are studies on this, but I'm not going to google any and post them in here. It's common knowledge. I spank once in a while, I am not sainting myself, but I would NEVER pinch or slap my child in the leg or face or anything ridiculous like that. It's just an opinion that I hold. Nobody has to agree with what I have to say.

Quoting moosesmom:

I see your point of view. Your stance is their are other ways to achieve the results you want as far as discipline is concerned. I respect that.

My next question is, do you believe that her pinching the boys will have any long term effects in them? Do you really think they'll be more susceptible to aggressive self-destructive behavior, anxiety, academic difficulties etc...I just don't think that because of a pinch their life's will suffer traumatically.





moosesmom
by Silver Member on Aug. 6, 2012 at 4:05 PM
1 mom liked this
Her pinching isn't done with much force either. And she doesn't leave marks. In my opinion it's not different. Both are forms of PHYSICAL punishment. And I know you made reference to the different studies you've read. Haven't you also read studies that stated how ineffective corporal punishment can be? Even when done "effectively" the results of being spanked can do more harm than good. It can also have negative long term effects. So according to what you're saying you both could be doing potential harm to your children right?

*Not bashing mama. I spank as well. Just trying to get you to see the situation from another angle :-)


Quoting Smartsicles:

Spanking is different, and there is a proper way to do it, such as not being angry when you do it, and it's not much force, does not leave a mark.

Pinching is different. There is NO effective proven way to pinch your child like there is with spanking! I am NOT the same as her, because I don't touch my child while I am in a moving vehicle. If worse came to worse, I would pull over and talk. NOT spank or pinch. 

I also only spank under dangerous situations. If kids are goofing off, and I'm driving, it is dangerous, but it's safer to pull over and hit the emergency blinkers (even on a freeway) and just firmly tell them they need to stop. NO pinching.

Quoting moosesmom:

That's the beauty of being an individual we all have our different opinions which makes the world a very unique place :-)



Ok. So you do spank occasionally? I think we can agree that pinching, spanking, and slapping are ALL forms of physical punishment. Why do you feel that spanking (hitting) occasionally is acceptable but pinching is not? Aren't you guilty of doing the same thing she is doing; which is intending to cause feelings of pain in order to get your child to comply? You're one in the same, are you not?







Quoting Smartsicles:

Yes, exactly! Thank you.

And no, it really depends whether she does this often or not. I believe children that are exposed to such physical ways to be disciplined do suffer long term effects. There are studies on this, but I'm not going to google any and post them in here. It's common knowledge. I spank once in a while, I am not sainting myself, but I would NEVER pinch or slap my child in the leg or face or anything ridiculous like that. It's just an opinion that I hold. Nobody has to agree with what I have to say.

Quoting moosesmom:

I see your point of view. Your stance is their are other ways to achieve the results you want as far as discipline is concerned. I respect that.





My next question is, do you believe that her pinching the boys will have any long term effects in them? Do you really think they'll be more susceptible to aggressive self-destructive behavior, anxiety, academic difficulties etc...I just don't think that because of a pinch their life's will suffer traumatically.




Posted on CafeMom Mobile
My2boys0523
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 4:16 PM

I spank too, i.e running across the street, bet your ass I will spank them! its dangerous!! Pinching, it doesnt make them cry it doesnt leave marks, I dont see a big deal, popsicle whats your take on that?

Quoting umhassouna:

So you spank your child, but wouldn't pinch. Why? Is the spanking less painful than a small pinch? Why is a pinch abusive to you, but a spanking is a-okay? What is your reasoning there?

Furthermore, your opinion in relation to your own children has no bearing on the parenting choices of others. You spank your kids, some mothers would qualify that as "abusive". The other mother pinches her kids when they're acting up while she's driving, you qualify that as "abusive". So, who's right? Nobody. As mothers, we give birth to our children and raise them as we see fit and that is our right - excluding actions that would directly harm the child (beating over the head, burning, sexual abuse, etc.). Nobody knows our children or their personalities, abilities, downfalls like we do. Other mothers charging in with their "CPS should be after you" balogne when they have no idea WHO our children are, are the ones with issues.

You were telling her that she was lucky that DCFS isn't after her. That isn't an opinion, that is an outright judgement of her parenting methods.  

Quoting Smartsicles:

Yes, exactly! Thank you.

And no, it really depends whether she does this often or not. I believe children that are exposed to such physical ways to be disciplined do suffer long term effects. There are studies on this, but I'm not going to google any and post them in here. It's common knowledge. I spank once in a while, I am not sainting myself, but I would NEVER pinch or slap my child in the leg or face or anything ridiculous like that. It's just an opinion that I hold. Nobody has to agree with what I have to say.

Quoting moosesmom:

I see your point of view. Your stance is their are other ways to achieve the results you want as far as discipline is concerned. I respect that.

My next question is, do you believe that her pinching the boys will have any long term effects in them? Do you really think they'll be more susceptible to aggressive self-destructive behavior, anxiety, academic difficulties etc...I just don't think that because of a pinch their life's will suffer traumatically.





lnrmom
by Bronze Member on Aug. 6, 2012 at 4:17 PM
1 mom liked this

Talk to me again when they're teenagers. I know more people who say "I will never" and actually do than say "I would keep that as an option" and don't.

I can count on one hand how many times I have had to get physical with my kids, but it got my point across, they knew I meant business, and they knew that there was a line that was drawn in the sand. They are now respectable upstanding teenagers. And I have NEVER left a mark on them. EVER.

There is a line. A very fine line. But to tell someone that their parenting style is abuse because it doesn't agree with yours is not cool. If they are not crossing the line, and it works for them...

Quoting Smartsicles:

Young enough to not be pinched. I don't need to get physical to prove my point. 

Quoting lnrmom:

How old are your kids, if you don't mind me asking?

Quoting Smartsicles:

Well, I believe you are wrong, and I'm not trying to prove anything. I stated my opinion, that's that.



Smartsicles
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 4:19 PM

The studies don't apply to me because when I DO spank, it's not done aggressively. It shouldn't even be considered spanking because it's just a surprising "pop" on the bum. Like I said, I barely do it, but I don't want to sound like a hypocrite by denying that I've punished my child, but I would NEVER pinch. It's ridiculous to do anything other than spanking, and THAT is not a fact, it's my opinion. The way she spoke of it too really bothered me, like she's proud of it. Either she's not pinching at all, or she is pinching hard enough to leave marks. I just tried to pinch my own legs and my arms and it HURTS. 

Totally different pain threshold than when I actually spank, since it's over a diaper or clothing. Not even enough to cause pain or marks. TOTALLY different than pinching!

Quoting moosesmom:

Her pinching isn't done with much force either. And she doesn't leave marks. In my opinion it's not different. Both are forms of PHYSICAL punishment. And I know you made reference to the different studies you've read. Haven't you also read studies that stated how ineffective corporal punishment can be? Even when done "effectively" the results of being spanked can do more harm than good. It can also have negative long term effects. So according to what you're saying you both could be doing potential harm to your children right?

*Not bashing mama. I spank as well. Just trying to get you to see the situation from another angle :-)



My2boys0523
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 4:19 PM
1 mom liked this

My mom would yank my hair LMAO

Quoting Sidrosmomma:

A friend of mine father would always pinch my friend's son.  It was quieter than yelling at him and obviously less noticeable than hitting him.  I'm not sure I would do it though.  I prefer traditional discipline methods.


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)