Is mental abuse a real thing? Or am I just playing the victim role?
When I separated from my ex, someone mentioned that maybe I should go to therapy because it sounded like he was mentally abusive to me. I thought that was non sense, but then I realized without him arnd I actually feel happy. I actually wear cute outfits again. I don't remember he ever says that I looked stupid in my cute little outfits, but I never wore them when I was with him. Could it have been some type of brainwashing that maybe he didn't know he was doing? He came over the other night to see our son and told me how much he hates me and resents me and what a horrible person I am. I felt terrible. Then after he left I thought, "hey wait a second, I'm not a horrible person." Is that mental abuse. Him making me feel bad abt myself?
My ex had problems from the get go. Not as severe as the last couple of years but they were present. Verbal abusive, angry (a lot) and took it out on me whenever he could. Mental abuse is worse then physical. It stays with you longer. I was abused throughout my marriage and moreso in the last three years I married. My ex had a secret affair going on, snuck furniture out of the house, and used me for his own personal ATM machine. I know how it all went down in my house. Easier to leave the guy but when you are in love and committed to a marriage it's always easier to look on the inside of a marriage and not the outside to understand it all. KWIM?
"It can hurt worse than physical abuse"...It most certainly can. High blood pressure, loss of appetite, loss of hair...stress, stress and MORE stress....its nothing nice.
Quoting owl0210:
It sounds like mental and verbal abuse. I went through the same thing with my ex-husband. It can hurt even worse than physical abuse.
Hell yes it is!!! I do NOT allow my DH to call names. During our early years of marriage, I would shut him down the first time he resorted to insults in an argument, and I wouldn't speak to him until he could agree to be civil. This was on the heels of bad college boyfriend whose verbal episodes escalated into physical ones. I learned my lesson. You have to be really careful to make sure this doesn't happen again in your next relationship, because for various reasons, it tends to be a repeat thing. The best thing you can do is to call them out on it when it happens, and calmly say, "You are not going to talk to me that way. This conversation is over." And follow through. Shut the door. Hang up the phone. Whatever it takes....It often starts with little things...like arguing about political stuff and him saying, 'Well you're stupid if you think that blah blah blah..." Being aware of these things is the first step to stopping it!
As a survivor of mentally (as well as emotionally and physically) abusive relationships, I can assure you that it is VERY real.
Counseling might be a good idea to help you see that and overcome any damage.
Quoting Sidrosmomma:My favorite is when the ex takes pride in the fact that he never hit me. ha ha ha. He would push me, throw furniture at me, etc but never hit me. He is right about that one. ha ha ha. Thanks everyone. And I think that being away from him definitely helps me to reallize how disfunctional our relationship was.
this but I wasn't married to him ugh
Quoting owl0210:
It sounds like mental and verbal abuse. I went through the same thing with my ex-husband. It can hurt even worse than physical abuse.
Do not let him continue this. The longer you put up with it, the more used to it you will get. It will bring you down to where you dont feel like you deserve any better than what you have. And yes alot of the time emotional/mental abuse can lead to physical abuse. Dont let him hurt you in either of those ways. Bruises can heal, but words can haunt you for the rest of your life....
Good news, im so excited!
- Sidrosmomma
on Aug. 6, 2012 at 9:59 AM