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Wow, its been a long time...

Posted by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 2:53 AM
  • 7 Replies

 Hello, my name is Cristina. It has been a long time since I have been on here. Here is my first post.

Anyways, Im having problems. As my other post says, Im in the middle of a divorce. My husband filed for custody hearing and I won. We both got custody, but I got physical custody. Now because I live with my mom in a really tiny place, DHS talked me into allowing him to keep the kids TEMPORARILY till I get my own place. According to this housing program Im working with that will be 1-3 months. Bad thing is, the kids are not allowed here at my mom's (also DHS is worried about my moms drinking even though I told them she doenst drink around them). So i get 2 visits were Xhusband lives (DHS takes me) and hopefully 2 here when the grandparents can bring the kids to a park here. This sucks. I want more than maybe 2-4 visits with my kids. I cant wait to be accepted into my own place and get the kids back.

Then I get news from my lawyer. She said it would be a good idea to break up with my BF. Damnit! She said Xhusband will use it in court to make me look bad saying Im already looking for a new daddy for the kids. (Even though Ive thought of leaving xhusband half a year before i actually did, and i left him may of 2011 so we've been split for over a year). It just sucks that he gets to control me so damn bad, even AFTER i leave him. While living with him i barely saw my family, then lost my friends because he didnt like him, stopped talking to my dad cuz he broke down my dads door and my dad just hates him, then i move back and loose my kids for a few months and now i have to 'break up' with my BF. It sucks that I cant be happy. I mean I dont tell the kids to call him daddy, i dont kiss him in front of the kids, etc. they just see him as my friend. My lawyer says I shouldnt date til the divorce is finalled, and right now the next trial date is March of 2013, but its going to get pushed father back because Xhusband's lawyer forgot to include something we are going to discuss in court so they have to change the date.

I cant do it. Im finally happy and found someone who loves me and doesnt want to control me and use me and im getting that taken from me. Im not doing it.

I just have so much going on. A little thing I have to worry about now is the housing im going to move to will not allow cats so i have to give away my son's kitty. :( He's going to be sooooo upset.

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by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 2:53 AM
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Replies (1-7):
Sidrosmomma
by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 7:31 AM

Can the cat stay at your mom's?  I had to send my three dogs to my mom's a year and a half ago b/c my relationship was getting violent and I didn't want the dogs arnd that.  You can still see your bf, just not out in public.  Your kids aren't living with you right now so you can visit him at his house or he can come and see you at your mom's.  I'd suggest he parks somewhere besides in the driveway though.  And it does suck that you would have to sneak around to see your bf, it's stupid...but it would be best so that you can get your kids back and then once you are divorced and have the kids back you will be free to see who you want.  Good luck!

mommaJewels2011
by Bronze Member on Aug. 8, 2012 at 9:37 AM
If he truely loves you he'll wait until you're a divorced woman. I know it's hard but your kids really need to come first.
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Onebusybee06
by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 10:06 AM
1 mom liked this
I agree, keep your boyfriend!!!!! He is your shoulder to lean on! If he truly cares about you, he'll be patient and stick around. My incredible bf and I met while I was going through a never ending divorce. During that time, only my girlfriends knew...not my boys or my family. My boyfriend and I knew what we had to do. So we worked on building our relationship while the divorce was wrapping up. It was the best decision we ever made! He knew all about my kids and family before I met him and we loved going on our little 'adventures'. He lives across town from me so we never ran into my ex while we were out an about. Besides my ex is black, like myself and my amazing bf is white and they do not have the same interests at all! :) Good luck to you and enjoy your happiness...
P.S. Your lawyer doesn't have to know everything. On the day I signed my final decree, I told my lawyer my bf and I are going to celebrate! LOL. My divorce lasted 3 years. I met my bf a year and a half ago and we are still going strong! He would never lay a hurting hand on me like my ex. XO!
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meranda20
by Member on Aug. 8, 2012 at 10:19 AM

I agree with the person that said if your boyfriend loves you an cares he can wait until the divorce is final.

cristina0709
by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 4:19 PM
Yes my BF has been patient and is still around. He knows that wheb I have paperwork to do with my lawyer or something he sits back and waits until I'm done. He makes sure to not get in the way and I don't let him also. He has been there for me and let's me cry with him around and helps me when I get frustrated.
He's even good with the kids. He's talked me into going to the park. I didn't feel too good but he let me sit and rest with my 7mo dd while he ran around the park with 3yo ds. He loves playing with them.
Yet I'm not making him a new father for them. Shoot him and I are still getting to know each other. We dont kiss in front of the kids. All we have done was hold hands. Everyone knows we are dating, and its because of my family I started dating him. Now for xhusbands family, somehow they found out. I'm not sure how since they live an hour away. Facebook is such a bitch lol. I'm not friends with anyone he knows (plus when I first left him I took his facebook from him). The other day I deleted even my step-sister cuz they might still be friends. Who knows.
We have been going so strong we've even mentioned moving in together. Now idk how that will work out. We still want to though.


Quoting Onebusybee06:

I agree, keep your boyfriend!!!!! He is your shoulder to lean on! If he truly cares about you, he'll be patient and stick around. My incredible bf and I met while I was going through a never ending divorce. During that time, only my girlfriends knew...not my boys or my family. My boyfriend and I knew what we had to do. So we worked on building our relationship while the divorce was wrapping up. It was the best decision we ever made! He knew all about my kids and family before I met him and we loved going on our little 'adventures'. He lives across town from me so we never ran into my ex while we were out an about. Besides my ex is black, like myself and my amazing bf is white and they do not have the same interests at all! :) Good luck to you and enjoy your happiness...

P.S. Your lawyer doesn't have to know everything. On the day I signed my final decree, I told my lawyer my bf and I are going to celebrate! LOL. My divorce lasted 3 years. I met my bf a year and a half ago and we are still going strong! He would never lay a hurting hand on me like my ex. XO!
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Shelley927
by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 4:31 PM

keep the boyfriend and just keep it hush hush for now......if he really cares and loves you he will understand...

easinpc
by Gold Member on Aug. 8, 2012 at 4:37 PM

I agree with this.  I know its hard and not ideal, but if it was me I would do whatever it took for my kids.  Hugs!

Quoting meranda20:

I agree with the person that said if your boyfriend loves you an cares he can wait until the divorce is final.


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