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Should I stop my "FWB" situation?

Posted by on Aug. 9, 2012 at 7:09 AM
  • 24 Replies

My son and I left his father five months ago.   His father has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  That is where they love knowing that they caused you to express emotion.  When we were together the BD loved to do things that he thought would make me happy b/c he wanted to be the person that caused me to show emotion.  When we broke up he is now mean to me because he knows that he is causing me to be emotional.  He needs that to support his disorder.  He needs to be in control of making people feel stuff.  Fine except I don't  want to be involved in it anymore.  Lately we have been sleeping together once in a while.  He is very talented in bedroom activities and thus can bring on happiness for me.  And he knows that he has caused this happiness.   I am just learning about this disorder, and I was just using him for sex.  For me the sex was sex, nothing more.  For him it is a way to control my feelings.  So I'm thinking about not sleeping with him anymore.  My question is should I stop because it is just feeding into his disorder?  Or should I continue because he is not controlling me anymore?  Or am I kidding myself by thinking that he is not controlling me anymore?  (I have never been involved with anyone with NPD  before so I'm not sure what to do.  Anyone else have experiences that they can share?)

by on Aug. 9, 2012 at 7:09 AM
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by on Aug. 9, 2012 at 7:21 AM
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I would stop the sex. Its never a good idea to have sex with a kids father when you're not together. And now he uses the child support as a way to get sex from you.
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by on Aug. 9, 2012 at 7:24 AM
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Stop the sex he is taking advantage of the situation....go to child sport get actual support and deal with him that way.
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by on Aug. 9, 2012 at 7:33 AM
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I wouldn't deal with him at all and get a legal order for child support.

Also, narcissism isn't just about trying to get people to show emotion or controlling that. It's primarily a belief that common laws and rules do not apply to them. That they are so important, they can say and do whatever they want and get away with it. It's about control in general, it's over inflated egocentrism (having too big of an ego and overly admiring one's self) My daughter's father has that same issue.

As long as you continue to keep that type of relationship up with him, it's going to feed his disorder further. He's going to continue to think that the common sense rules of breaking up with you don't matter and that he is on control of the situation. He will continue to play mind games, because he thinks he can.

Go the family court and fill out the proper paperwork for child support, a legal order request, and the courts will start the hearing process. Once you take control, he'll have a bit of a power struggle with you. But, he'll begin to see that he can't play you. He'll also try to do it with the courts. My daughter's father talks to the dcss lady and judge like HE'S doing THEM a favor! Lmfao

Anyway, just cut all ties that don't pertain to your son.
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by on Aug. 9, 2012 at 7:42 AM
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Narcissistci Personality Disorder isn't about causing or controlling emotion in others - in fact, those that have it disregard other's emotions. They believe they are more important than others. Her'es a link to some info on NPD.

Regardless of whether he has NPD or some other disorder that makes him get off on getting you all emotional, or is just a total jerk, I'd stop sleeping with him. It's going to confuse things for both of you, and your son (assuming he ever finds out, of course). It's going to lead to him thinking he can keep doing whatever he wants to you and you will just take it.

Get child support, cut any communication that has nothing to do with your son, and show him that he has no power over you.

Wendy Miller
Single mom of 2 boys
Author of Tangled Deceit for Kindle and in paperback
Learn more about her on GoodReads

by Gold Member on Aug. 9, 2012 at 7:44 AM
I would stop sleeping with him and go to court to get child support and custody set up.
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by on Aug. 9, 2012 at 7:52 AM
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You better "lock it up"and stop sleeping with him my feelings would come before sex. I was you I was sleeping with a ex boyfriend I was using him for the sex it got so bad I felt myself at time begging him to sleep with me if a man knows they can control you they will control your mind,body,and soul so get away while you can.I think you need to focus on getting your kids you will meet someone if its meant to be you dont need him he is wasting your time .
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by on Aug. 9, 2012 at 8:10 AM

Thanks everyone.  I was thinking that I should stop...but wasn't sure.  Yes I agree he is wasting my time.  Our breakup was very sudden so I went from having sex everyday to have none at all.  So I think that still having him around for sex once in a while was a good idea for me.  But you're right.  I don't want to feed into his disorder and have him control me again.  No thank you.  Did that for three years without noticing it.  Don't wana get myself back in that situation again.  Thanks everyone!

by on Aug. 9, 2012 at 8:16 AM
I would stop
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by on Aug. 9, 2012 at 9:35 AM
Stop there are other people you need to cut the ties
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by on Aug. 9, 2012 at 11:46 AM

No good will come of sleeping with your ex.  Definitely put an end to it or you will have more emotional heartache than before.

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