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I'm feeling overwhelmed with the discrimination...

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I guess I just need to vent a little, find a shoulder to cry on where I'll be understood.

Lately it seems like everywhere I turn, I mean EVERYWHERE, I'm faced with some stereotyping about single moms.

I feel so discouraged.

So many people seem to think that I must have been irresponsible, or slutty or stupid or selfish, or a horrible wife.

I've even heard someone say single mothers shouldn't expect some man to pick up the pieces of her bad choices. It makes me feel ashamed that I even want to remarry.

Why do they automatically assume we all made some terrible choices?

And even if some of us did, are we not allowed to make mistakes?

This all leads to the rampant blaming of the woman, and sympathizing with the man. Not all men are bad and not all women are good, but it WAS that way in my situation, yet people, especially men are very wary of me. They think I'm trashy and ignorant.

Every guy I date or almost date thinks they can just use me because I'm desperate. I'm not desperate at all, but I'm starting to feel shame and humiliation right off the bat with a guy, because I'm scared that's what he's thinking.

I feel like I'm walking around with a sign on my forehead that says something opposite of what I really am inside.

Sometimes I feel anger for my ex, not just for all the cruel things he did to me intentionally, but the fact that he is off having the time of his life, leaving me with all the responsibilities, and yet *I'M* seen as irresponsible. It's so ironic.

This obviously isn't everyone's experience and I know the way to overcome it is to be positive, happy, successful, proud and most of all just be the person I know I am, with or without a husband and fancy house.

Until I conquer this, I just needed to share these feelings while I'm feeling them.

I am Kaela, a proud 24 year old atheist, pro-choice, single Mama to full-term breastfed, co-sleeping, freebirthed, intact, lucky little Wolfgang!

by on Aug. 22, 2012 at 6:28 AM
Replies (101-110):
by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 8:38 PM

I'm sorry this has happened to you but it happened to me too but it was kinda the other way around it wasn't I couldn't kee the man it was the man couldn't keep me I found out that he was cheating on me for 5 years basically he started cheating on me like the day I told him that I was pregnant with our first child, turned out to be our only child, but I later found his gf's undies in my closet and a pair of shorts and a t shirt that had been rolled off of a body hidden in my closet, I called him on it and he told me that they were all from a bust from work cuz he worked at Kohls department store as a loss prevention supervisor and I told him ok then fine bring home the file on the bust then and I will let it go and when he came home empty handed I threw a pillow at him and said he can sleep on the sofa but he better be up early to say goodbye to his son because we are leaving him in the morning!! and we left him the next morning!!! and I havent been back with him ever since then!!!!!

by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 8:42 PM
I've felt all that except the remarrying part because I don't want to ever get married again. For me it is now all about respect...self respect. If someone makes the decision to put my down, their day doesn't go well. Once people get to know me they see I am not any of those things.

If people say things to you, do you say something back in a reasonable manner?
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by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 8:46 PM
2 moms liked this
Wow that is bad!!!! I am married and have a few single friends one is an amazing mom she worked hard and raised a wonderful strong daughter. I have felt bad for her for having to work so hard....but I never looked down on her or anything close. A few others I know like to party but what do I care as long as the kids are safe not my business .

I am sorry that people are adding stress in your life...
It is no one business why or how you became a single mom.
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by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 8:54 PM

Keep being positive!

I do not think that single parenting is the best choice, but it is sometimes what we must deal with. There is discrimination everywhere. Single mom, SAHM, working married mom...everyone who is insecure about their choices will slam those who make different ones.

by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 9:08 PM
1 mom liked this

I've had to deal with the same thing. Funny thing is I stayed married for 12 yrs out of pride and fear. Now, I have to deal with others feeling superior to me because I don't have a two parent household. Then there are those who think that because I am not in a relationship I can't be trusted near guys without wanting to poach one. I have not dated in six years. I refuse to get into another unhealthy relationship, and a guy that already has someone would not be healthy. I may not have had sex in the past years but that does not make me desperate.

by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 9:36 PM
1 mom liked this
Jeez i know what you mean. I never experienced the looks till ds started school and now i get them left and right it feels like. I live in a nicer part of town and there is mostly married couples. I am a young and single mom. Guys think I'm easy as well cuz I'm a single mom. Once i find this out i tell them to fuck off pretty much. Right now I'm not really focusing on dating. All my time is put into my kids, work, and school :) I'm sure it will get better as time goes by. :)
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by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 9:50 PM
I know the feeling but I never been married I have two girls and a little girl on the way the father to my oldest I gave the benefit of the doubt to meet our daughter for the first time in her life and she's 6 yrs old gave him a chance to be with me then he leaves after 11 days then 12 days later I find out I'm pregnant so my oldest and this one share the same father my two yr olds dad my best friend is in the picture and we have a 50/50 custody with our daughter but some men dont want the responsibilities in my case the father and his family only cared about us being together before he took off I realized we moved too fast and told him I wanted to start off at as friends again and work our way up but he didn't care nor his family then he'd tell his family I was using him when he came here ate us out of house and home and I had to hit herbs food banks I had about 900 dollars in food in my home and with in 11 days he ate it and it was suppose to last the whole month to me he's a dead beat us single moms gotta stay strong I get on ppl who do that to me I tell them what happened at least w/ my oldest and unborn baby and that my two yr olds daddy is doing what he needs to do and take care of his kids he's got 4 by blood and two not and one of th two is my oldest and his g/fs son
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by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 9:52 PM

I am a single mother and I have no shame in it. Now, I have never got this feeling that you are experiencing. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Don't believe anything anyone is saying if it is only negative things. They must have something wrong with them. If you ever need someone to talk to, I am here. :)

by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 10:06 PM

*Hugs mama*

by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 10:11 PM
1 mom liked this

I think it's something that gets easier to deal with over time.  You have to gain confidence in yourself and your life and your parenting and then it wont bother you anymore, even though I do admit I stil feel self conscious about it sometimes... I went on a job interview yesterday and we had some small talk which inlcuded our children and I admitted I am a single mom and I was so nervous that he would think of less of me because some people are just stuck in their own minds no matter how small they might be!
But luckily he was the opposite and told me that since having his kids he has a new respect for single parents.  

I think in general the people who judge single parents in general are just insecure with themselves.  Why else would it matter if someone else is in a relationship or not?!?  kwim??

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