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Need some support...

Posted by on Aug. 22, 2012 at 9:01 AM
  • 12 Replies

My son and I left his father about 5 months ago.  No problems.  I know I did the right thing.  He was getting abusive and started lying about drug use.  So my son and I were out.  My son is on vacation (long story) so I have had time to myself all week.    And I'm starting to miss the ex.  I know I do not want to be in a relationship with him and know that both me and my son are better off not living with him...but I can't shake this "missing him" feeling.  How do I get rid of that feeling?  Just ignore it?

 

Any suggestions or words of support will be greatly appreciated!!!

by on Aug. 22, 2012 at 9:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MIMIBRIE
by Jayme on Aug. 22, 2012 at 9:03 AM
3 moms liked this
It's normal. You can't just loose or ignore your feelings over night. It takes time. Just remember what it was that made you leave and how better of a future you are going to have. Good luck :)
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cmc638
by Member on Aug. 22, 2012 at 9:04 AM
I think most people go through this it's perfectly normal. That being said you really should stay away from him as much as possible and have as little contact as you can. It will pass and soon you'll find someone much better for you
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Jennyanne322
by Bronze Member on Aug. 22, 2012 at 9:08 AM
I know how you feel, cause I did the same thing. Don't go back to him. Don't call or text him either and never let him know you miss him. Do you have friends? See if you can do a girls night out. Relax, watch a movie. Do something.
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Tahjanae_s_Mom
by on Aug. 22, 2012 at 9:08 AM

 What you are feeling is  normal..you need to find something or do something to get your mind off of him...go out have fun!

Cenedra64
by Bronze Member on Aug. 22, 2012 at 9:14 AM
1 mom liked this
Yep what everyone said. What i did after separation was right a list two columned. Pros and cons of my ex...cons outweighed the pros. Kept it as a reminder
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SexyVamp
by on Aug. 22, 2012 at 12:13 PM

I had the same feelings when I left my son's father & its normal & you will get over it. The best advice I can give especially being in the same situation myself many years ago. Is make your son priority for awhile before you start mingling again & trying to have a life. I was so focused on raising my son for a long time before I started hanging out again & it helped. Also keep saying to yourself (you left for your son) & you both are better off.

You really don't want your son around someone who is abusive & thinking that's ok because its not.

Momto3inMI
by on Aug. 22, 2012 at 2:44 PM
2 moms liked this

I know EXACTLY what ur gping threw.

Its called "Grieving"....

I got divorced on July 26th, 2012, went threw TONS of Physical and Emotional Abuse for 7 years. I even recorded him near the end for the sake of my Kids and Custody issues.

The whole time we were seperated, I was great. So glad to be rid of the mess.

Well, 2 weeks after our Divorce, I started having Panic Attacks and finding myself really sad, thinking, "What went wrong". "If things would of been diffrent". etc..

I see a Counselor and we talked about this last week.

She said I was "Grieving" the loss/end of a Relationship just as it were a Death because it is, its a end to ur Relationship, Death, in its own way. It takes time and almost evertone goes threw it.

Its weird cuz even the day of my Divorce, I felt a TON of weight fall off my shoulders and couldnt be happier, then it hit me,

BUT, I have these Audios and everytime I "miss him", I just play ONE and thats enough to remind me what a HORRIBLE Relationship it was. And then Im ok, but I wont lie, I have ben missing him and the good times and its really sad cuz you never expect a relationship to end.

I am now in a Divorce Support Group and see my Counselor one or two times a week to deal with all the things going on but trust me, your Grieving and its painful.

I wish you the best. 

Do whats right for you and your Child. talk to a Counselor or maybe go to a Support Group. Message me if youd like.

Hugs~


PaperClip811
by Silver Member on Aug. 22, 2012 at 2:57 PM

 Most likely its the companionship that your missing, not 'him'-- you know? Its awesome to be in love and have an adult person around, and when it was good it was probably great-- and that is what you're missing (at least in my case that's what it was)

Just remember that you deserve better than a liar and an abuser. Have you considered dating yet? Doesn't have to be anything super serious, but it could help fill some of that void 

:o)

steviechick
by Gold Member on Aug. 22, 2012 at 3:35 PM

I was married and with my ex for 26 years.  That's a lifetime.  Getting a divorce was the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life.  I knew for many years that my ex had severe mental problems mostly dealing with personality disorder and financial problems.  It's amazing I lasted as long as I did being married to him.  I was in a commitment and actually worked at staying married.  Unlike my lying cheating ex, I took my vows seriously.  Do I look back at what could have been?  No.  As I now know what WOULD have been - continued misery.  My ex wasn't driven for any kind of a career.  He was happy with being a college graduate with a mediocre job.  He was verbally abusive to me many times.  He was even mentally abusive to me and for three years he kept an affair from me and two kids he fathered.  I look back at what a horrible, dispicable piece of garbage he is and I continue to thank God that I got out of that marriage when I did.  I filed for divorce, kept the house, and have since then moved on.  I don't miss my ex at all.  I do miss being with someone though.  Companship has finally set in and I'm needing it more than ever. 

You need to look back and think about the abusive/drug usage you lived through and think about why YOU LEFT HIM.  It was for good reason.  You are feeling the same things we all did when we got divorced/separated.  Those feelings will fade in time.  You were once in love and in a relationship.  That's gone now.  When you start to think about the ex put those thoughts into what it was actually like to be around him. 

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Aug. 22, 2012 at 4:04 PM
1 mom liked this

 yes. ignore them and stay busy and focused on someone else.  go have a moms night out or hang out with friends. do things you cant do w a kid in tow.

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