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I'm Throwing My Hands Up.... Just Speechless.... Long

Posted by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 12:00 AM
  • 22 Replies

I have posted in the past about dealing with my mother.  We have all agreed that she is insane and I need to get myself and my son away from her. You can probably skip this blue text and jump to the purple...

We talked through our past issues of her needing to back off and let me be a parent to my son.  That lasted for a few days when you sum it all up.  We started having major issues in June after I lost my job.  I clearly communicated that she would have to start paying rent to make sure we could keep a roof over our heads.  So at the end of June she goes on a shopping spree with her little pension money.  I remind her I only have 4 hundred dollars contribute to the rent and that she said she would have to the difference of our rent.  I was still paying the majority.  So start throwing tantrums about how I don't know how to put my son to bed... yadda yadda.

On July 1st, my 4 year old son's father brings his family to meet our son for the first time.  They travelled 16 hours to get here, and she tells me not to let him go see them.  Of course, I did let him spend time with his father and his siblings because it was the right thing to do! So she gave me the silent treatment for that.  My son's father and I agreed that he should be able to meet his other grandmother in Little Rock, and we planned on him being with his father and family for a week.  Well it ended up being a week because I ended up getting a well paying job.  During this month with my son away I did not feel welcome in our apartment, so I spent time with my friends.  I went out and enjoyed activities I usually wouldn't do if my son were home. 

My entire family missed my son immensely!  I asked my son's father to call my mother and sister at their requests, and they both chose not to answer nor return his call.  Somehow it is my fault that they couldn't take to my son while he was with his father.  I made the long trip to Arkansas from Pennsylvania alone, father both my mother and sister decided not to travel with me. Once my son returned home all of a sudden I have become a bad mother again.

My son was put on sleeping schedule while he was with his father and I decided to keep it.  Well of course my mother disagreed with the schedule and constantly interfares with our routine.  So we sat down again and I told her to back off and let me raise my son how I feel is right.  Again she agreed, until the other day... I gave my son a Pop Tart as a snack on his way to daycare (they give him breakfast) and he decided to break it and drop it.  She took it from him and was going to give him a cup of yogurt.  We were running late, so I told them both no because we had to go.  All of a sudden he wants the Pop Tart and starts crying about how he hungry while we are running down the steps.  His breakfast was waiting for him when I drop him off 3 blocks from our apartment.  They had his favorites yogurt, fruit, oatmeal, and toast so I didn't feel bad for not feeding him junk running out the door.  According to my mother that was child abuse.  Was it really? Umm not in my opinion!

Last night I came home from a hair appointment at a friend's shop.  She squeezes me in when ever she can and I pay whenever I can.  Our family cellphones were cut off because of course the bill was not paid.  My mother goes on and on when I get home about not wasting my money on my hair when we have bills to pay.... I let her know I got my hair done for free and that shut her up for 5 minutes. 

So, I see that it is about 9 and decide to scoop my little boy up for bed.  She had him laying down in her room watching a movie on her Kindle Fire.  I notice that there are about 10 minutes left in the movie and tell him I will come get up when your movie is over.  I take a shower, get dressed, and head down the steps to get my son.  He is happy as can be and then I realize he backed the movie up and it had about 20 minutes to go because he was trying to delay his bedtime.  I scooped him up and took him upstairs where he starts crying about how he doesn't want to go to bed.  As a get to calm himself down and we start talking about books to read my mother comes storming up the steps.

She starts asking what is going on here? Why is he crying? I tell her he doesn't want to go to bed, and that I am going brush his teeth, read him a book, rub his back, and let him fall asleep.  I tell her she can go downstairs and said good night to her.  She refuses to leave the room! She then proceeds to tell me " He doesn't like to be alone with you"... "Maybe he doesn't want you to read him a story and rub his back".  I say to her "Okay, goodnight... I don't want to fight with you and he needs to go to bed".  Her response is "what do you mean okay?"  Rather then to upset up son further I let her put him to bed.  He woke up crying in the middle of the night and I rubbed his back and comforted him, but let him put himself back to sleep more than other nights.  Each time I would go in she would come running up the steps to supervise.

This morning she supervised me getting him ready for daycare.  This evening when I got off from work she gave me the cold shoulder and my son wouldn't come near me for more than a second. He is usually all over me.  So instead of getting the cold shoulder from my 4 year old and my mother I folded laundry in my room. She usually sends him upstairs to get his own pjs, and tonight she came and got them.  Instead, of having him sleep in his bed like I have been working on he is sleeping in her bed.  I haven't done anything to harm my son, so I don't understand what is happening here!  I am hurt, heart broken, and just tired of not being allowed to spend time with my son.  What else can I do other then move out?

by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 12:00 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Ashbeth1978
by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 1:11 AM
1 mom liked this
Girl you need to take control of the situation now. Your mom is trying to control you & your sons life. She needs to figure out that she is his grandmother not his mother & has absolutely no say in how you raise him. I had this fight with my parents when my son was very young & have a few times since then but they have finally come to the realization that he is my child not theirs. The sooner you make her understand that & make her see that your not going to change your rules, schedule, and not going to back down and let her take overthe sooner she will realize that he is your child & you are his mother not her. It's not her place to question you about everything you do with your son It also sounds like she's telling him things to make him upset with you if he is reacting to you like that after being around her & not wanting to be around you.
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faerie75
by Ruby Member on Aug. 23, 2012 at 2:01 AM
3 moms liked this
I would not allow him to sleep in her bed nor let her cow me when it comes to him. You need to let her know that shit stops, now, an back it up. Don't bend to keep the peace. When she tries to cow you, ask her to leave politely and if she makes a scene, take your son and leave the room or close the door on her.
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iHay
by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 2:48 AM
Move out! Ive been there with my own mother and you both need your own space, especially if you cant stand up to your mom. I couldnt. But believe me your son will be the better for it.
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mueller_amanda
by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 3:02 AM
im having the same issues with mine. Only my mother says ok then when i leave for work does whatever the hell she wants to. It annoys the hell out of me. Im actually trying to find affordable childcare.
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Tashia07
by Gold Member on Aug. 23, 2012 at 5:54 PM

We are as soon as I get the money.... I found a few places that would work for us.  I had been on my own, until she lost her job.  She moved in with us and it will be ending soon.

Quoting iHay:

Move out! Ive been there with my own mother and you both need your own space, especially if you cant stand up to your mom. I couldnt. But believe me your son will be the better for it.


iHay
by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 5:59 PM

Good luck to you. Thats pretty much how my mom came to live with us too.

Quoting Tashia07:

We are as soon as I get the money.... I found a few places that would work for us.  I had been on my own, until she lost her job.  She moved in with us and it will be ending soon.

Quoting iHay:

Move out! Ive been there with my own mother and you both need your own space, especially if you cant stand up to your mom. I couldnt. But believe me your son will be the better for it.



PinkButterfly66
by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 6:02 PM
1 mom liked this

It's your place?  Pack her stuff up and call that woman a cab now!

Teenmommy1119
by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 6:07 PM
1 mom liked this
Whyy do I get the vibe she's lying to your son to get him away from you? Be Careful with her I know it's your mom. But idk that seems weird. But I would try and get a place ASAP! It's not positive to stay there.
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Tashia07
by Gold Member on Aug. 23, 2012 at 6:11 PM

I completely agree.  I told her I wanted to talk to her today when I got home from work.  I also told her not to pick my son up from daycare.  She picked him up and they are nowhere to be found.

Quoting Ashbeth1978:

Girl you need to take control of the situation now. Your mom is trying to control you & your sons life. She needs to figure out that she is his grandmother not his mother & has absolutely no say in how you raise him. I had this fight with my parents when my son was very young & have a few times since then but they have finally come to the realization that he is my child not theirs. The sooner you make her understand that & make her see that your not going to change your rules, schedule, and not going to back down and let her take overthe sooner she will realize that he is your child & you are his mother not her. It's not her place to question you about everything you do with your son It also sounds like she's telling him things to make him upset with you if he is reacting to you like that after being around her & not wanting to be around you.


Tashia07
by Gold Member on Aug. 23, 2012 at 6:17 PM
1 mom liked this

When I agreed to live with my mother I knew we would bump heads, but I never in a million years would have seen this crazy shit coming.  She is absolutely lying to him and I am working on getting out of here as soon as possible. 

Quoting Teenmommy1119:

Whyy do I get the vibe she's lying to your son to get him away from you? Be Careful with her I know it's your mom. But idk that seems weird. But I would try and get a place ASAP! It's not positive to stay there.


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